The truth is we have all had those thoughts.
At the age of 32, I found myself overwhelmed, frustrated, drained, exhausted and feeling very much victimized by others in my life. Everything 'looked' so perfect from the outside. My life, so idealistic and perfect, was a facade. I wasn't happy. I wasn't fulfilled. In fact, my life was the complete opposite of joy. It was just dark.
My marriage was exhausting. Trying to communicate with my husband was like trying to get a garden hose to behave like a hedge trimmer. Speaking to him was more frustrating than trying to trim my lawn with a pair of pedicure nail clippers. Life was unnecessarily confusing and hampered. It was as if it was my husbands predominant intent not to hear me.
What I understand now I didn't know then. What I realize now is, no one ever held a gun to my head and told me I had to stay in a place of unhappiness. No one ever told me I had to stay in a place that drained the very life out of my being. No one ever told me I had to put the needs of everyone else above my own. The decisions I made in my lifetime, I made all on my own.
I see now however, I was living by default, asleep, unawakened, and disengaged from my soul.
As frustrating as my husband was, it was not his fault I married him. I see now I married him because the distant-cold love he offered was the only kind of love I recognized.
I attracted my husband into my life because chasing after peoples approval was what I was accustomed to doing. Love was something I wasn't truly worthy of. It was something I needed to earn.
At the age of 32, I found myself overwhelmed, frustrated, drained, exhausted and feeling very much victimized by others in my life. Everything 'looked' so perfect from the outside. My life, so idealistic and perfect, was a facade. I wasn't happy. I wasn't fulfilled. In fact, my life was the complete opposite of joy. It was just dark.
My marriage was exhausting. Trying to communicate with my husband was like trying to get a garden hose to behave like a hedge trimmer. Speaking to him was more frustrating than trying to trim my lawn with a pair of pedicure nail clippers. Life was unnecessarily confusing and hampered. It was as if it was my husbands predominant intent not to hear me.
What I understand now I didn't know then. What I realize now is, no one ever held a gun to my head and told me I had to stay in a place of unhappiness. No one ever told me I had to stay in a place that drained the very life out of my being. No one ever told me I had to put the needs of everyone else above my own. The decisions I made in my lifetime, I made all on my own.
I see now however, I was living by default, asleep, unawakened, and disengaged from my soul.
As frustrating as my husband was, it was not his fault I married him. I see now I married him because the distant-cold love he offered was the only kind of love I recognized.
I attracted my husband into my life because chasing after peoples approval was what I was accustomed to doing. Love was something I wasn't truly worthy of. It was something I needed to earn.
