This blog has been a lesson on how to take control over your mind. As my life sped out of control down its slippery slope, I came to a point on that road when I realized the slope was being paved by my very own thoughts. The very process by which my mind functioned; its thought process, was accelerating the speed of my emotional crash. Once I realized my thoughts were the reason I was in the negative emotionally overwhelming hell in the first place, somewhere out from the ever most edges of my mind, was the idea that if my thoughts got me in, then my thoughts could get me out; out of wherever this abstract, subjective, negative place might be.
I have learned that I am an expanding thought human being, meaning that I was meant to come here and to expand my thoughts, and that when I am put in a position where growth and expansion are thwarted, I am filled with daunting negative emotion in the form of frustration. When I feel I am not heard, or when I feel that others are exploiting or drawing attention to what they or society might consider a flaw, or when I am being lied about, or when my relationships are ones that are not permitted to grow in love and warmth, I am easily frustrated.
For years I swallowed that frustration and tried only harder to "fit in" or "be what others might have wanted me to be" all in the tattered hopes of feeling loved and validated.
I have since learned that the only love I needed was the delicious love of self. The only opinion that mattered, was the opinion I had of me, and until I fully swallowed how "incredibly good" a human being I was, my thoughts would always be "other directed" and peace would never be mine.
I have learned to treat my personal thoughts, especially the frightening ones like conversations with good friends. When I hear my mind playing with a fearful thought, I hush it away with the whispers of a nurturing mom. I have learned to go easy with my fears rather than to allow the fear to grow or to feel guilt or shame for having them gallop through my mind.
I have trained my mind NOT to value others as good or bad or situations as good or bad. Things are the way they are because of the choices I have made about them somewhere along my journey. My perceptions are the result of my childhood programming as well as an unobserved mind. If ever I have been depressed, it has been on the heels of lining the people, and situations up in my life in columns labeled "good and bad". My depression has always been attached to thoughts that have been eaten by my obsession to judge and compartmentalize my life into good and bad columns. Freeing myself of the need to judge anything or anyone has opened my heart to more love than I ever imagined possible.
It also helped me stop judging me.
And when not so pleasant circumstances find their way to me, or when things don't always go as I planned, I use the contrast of what I wanted to happen as a backdrop for what I do want to happen in the future.
When I find myself feeling a negative emotion, rather than attach to it or deem the situation as good or bad, I say to myself, "Hmm, I really don't like the way that negative emotion feels. I would much rather feel appreciation, contentment or joy. I better let that negative feeling go, and find something to love and appreciate right now, even if that's just the skin on my body, or my ability to see, to walk or to taste or touch. I would much rather attach to the joy of some part of me than to attach myself to that which feels so dead, depressing and empty."
When things do happen I would have preferred not to happen, I do my best not to label or judge it, knowing that labeling anything or anyone as bad only flames the fires of depression, and negative thinking.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Enabling Love
Enabling is not loving.
Love is only something we can give to someone who is capable of standing on their own two feet, who is of clear mind, and who has also been healthy enough to learn to love themselves.
Love is more a decision than it is an emotion. Emotions are guidelines we follow. A commitment is based on a decision. While our emotions may change, a decision or a commitment should not, extenuating circumstances excluded.
If a relationship is based on the rescuing of an another, then it is not love. If the primary feeling of the relationship is one of "I rescue you, and then you get to owe me your love because I have rescued you so that I can feel 'good enough' through the act of rescuing you", the relationship is not only dysfunctional, but doomed to be riddled with unnecessary drama via manipulation by both the rescuer and the one playing the wounded victim.
While on the surface the rescuer seems like a hero, in some cases the truth is the rescuer needs the helpless one so to shine in contrast to. In some cases rescuers are in need of controlling situations, and have learned that the helpless rarely put up a good fight. Sometimes the rescuers are those of us who feel guilty for being intelligent or for achieving. Because the rescuer may not have learned to love themselves selfishly, they sometimes seek others to help, so to share their good fortune, so to dampen the goodness almost as a way of punishing oneself for being fortunate.
When relationships are rooted in addictions of any kind, and the roles are such as one is the rescuer while the other is the one in need of rescuing, true authentic love is not found. Instead what is found, is a dramatic roller coaster ride of emotions that run highs and lows. When there is rescuing going on, the rescuer basks in the euphoria of the acts of being a martyr, while the one being rescued gets to act out their helplessness.
On the surface for the one in need, it would seem they are unable to tend to their own needs whether they be financial, spiritual, or physical. Perhaps the one who in need has an anger issue, or is depressed. The one in need is emotionally draining to the rescuer, and it would appear that the helpless one is in fact truly in need. But more often than not those in need are sly manipulators who have learned that by acting as if they were helpless, gets others attention. Unable to fulfill or unwilling to learn to fulfill their own emotional, financial of physical needs, the helpless manipulate attention, validation and love out of others through the acts of seeming as if they are unable to care for themselves. The enabling attention of others gets the helpless off the hook every time, and sadly helps keep the helpless one believing in their own helplessness.
The two involved are actually two sides of the same coin. The rescuer could not be without the one who has been deemed as in need of rescuing. While one is usually super independent, the other is super dependent. The two dance the dance of enabling and codependency as well as any seasoned Tango experts.
The need to rescue is so ingrained that the rescuer could not nor would not attract unto themselves a healthy non-needy partner. The 'victim mentality-the world is out to get me one-I can't do this on my own needy one' can and only will attract a partner who has rescuer tendencies. Healthy individuals, not infected by the needs to control others through enabling care-taking, or the need to play the victim and thus control others into care-taking, would not be attracted to a person who has an unusual need to put others into the victim role, or attract one who is not interested in tending to the unhealthy enabling needs of another.
Love is based on a mutual give and a take. Love is based on respect. Love is based on clear concise exchanges of feelings, words, and physical attentiveness. Love is kind. Love is a free giving. Love is empathetic. Love is strong enough to withstand distance, and humble enough not to smother. Love is joyful delight in another. Love is a strong sense of contentment.
If the love you feel is unstable, unsure, argumentative, hostile, or if you find yourself complaining more about your partner whether verbally or just within the confines of your own mind, it is not love. If you believe you are in love with someone who has an addiction, you must decide whether your love is based on your unearthed need to rescue and enable others. If you are the one playing out the role of the victim, know that manipulating others into doing for you what you are responsible for doing yourself, will never make you feel good about you.
All love starts with healthy, self actualizing, self responsible, love of self.
Love is only something we can give to someone who is capable of standing on their own two feet, who is of clear mind, and who has also been healthy enough to learn to love themselves.
Love is more a decision than it is an emotion. Emotions are guidelines we follow. A commitment is based on a decision. While our emotions may change, a decision or a commitment should not, extenuating circumstances excluded.
If a relationship is based on the rescuing of an another, then it is not love. If the primary feeling of the relationship is one of "I rescue you, and then you get to owe me your love because I have rescued you so that I can feel 'good enough' through the act of rescuing you", the relationship is not only dysfunctional, but doomed to be riddled with unnecessary drama via manipulation by both the rescuer and the one playing the wounded victim.
While on the surface the rescuer seems like a hero, in some cases the truth is the rescuer needs the helpless one so to shine in contrast to. In some cases rescuers are in need of controlling situations, and have learned that the helpless rarely put up a good fight. Sometimes the rescuers are those of us who feel guilty for being intelligent or for achieving. Because the rescuer may not have learned to love themselves selfishly, they sometimes seek others to help, so to share their good fortune, so to dampen the goodness almost as a way of punishing oneself for being fortunate.
When relationships are rooted in addictions of any kind, and the roles are such as one is the rescuer while the other is the one in need of rescuing, true authentic love is not found. Instead what is found, is a dramatic roller coaster ride of emotions that run highs and lows. When there is rescuing going on, the rescuer basks in the euphoria of the acts of being a martyr, while the one being rescued gets to act out their helplessness.
On the surface for the one in need, it would seem they are unable to tend to their own needs whether they be financial, spiritual, or physical. Perhaps the one who in need has an anger issue, or is depressed. The one in need is emotionally draining to the rescuer, and it would appear that the helpless one is in fact truly in need. But more often than not those in need are sly manipulators who have learned that by acting as if they were helpless, gets others attention. Unable to fulfill or unwilling to learn to fulfill their own emotional, financial of physical needs, the helpless manipulate attention, validation and love out of others through the acts of seeming as if they are unable to care for themselves. The enabling attention of others gets the helpless off the hook every time, and sadly helps keep the helpless one believing in their own helplessness.
The two involved are actually two sides of the same coin. The rescuer could not be without the one who has been deemed as in need of rescuing. While one is usually super independent, the other is super dependent. The two dance the dance of enabling and codependency as well as any seasoned Tango experts.
The need to rescue is so ingrained that the rescuer could not nor would not attract unto themselves a healthy non-needy partner. The 'victim mentality-the world is out to get me one-I can't do this on my own needy one' can and only will attract a partner who has rescuer tendencies. Healthy individuals, not infected by the needs to control others through enabling care-taking, or the need to play the victim and thus control others into care-taking, would not be attracted to a person who has an unusual need to put others into the victim role, or attract one who is not interested in tending to the unhealthy enabling needs of another.
Love is based on a mutual give and a take. Love is based on respect. Love is based on clear concise exchanges of feelings, words, and physical attentiveness. Love is kind. Love is a free giving. Love is empathetic. Love is strong enough to withstand distance, and humble enough not to smother. Love is joyful delight in another. Love is a strong sense of contentment.
If the love you feel is unstable, unsure, argumentative, hostile, or if you find yourself complaining more about your partner whether verbally or just within the confines of your own mind, it is not love. If you believe you are in love with someone who has an addiction, you must decide whether your love is based on your unearthed need to rescue and enable others. If you are the one playing out the role of the victim, know that manipulating others into doing for you what you are responsible for doing yourself, will never make you feel good about you.
All love starts with healthy, self actualizing, self responsible, love of self.
How To Stop Being Negative
Ever notice that the more you try NOT to think about something, the more you end up thinking about it?
Ever notice that when a parent warns a child NOT to do something, the child usually winds up doing it?
And have you ever reminded yourself over and over NOT to forget something, only to wind up forgetting that something anyway?
As children the best advice our parents could give us was to ignore whatever it was that was bothering us. As parents ourselves we tell our own children to 'just not think about' the whatever it is that is bothering them. Whether children have been bullied at school, or are worried about switching schools, it seems that the best advice anyone could ever give had something to do with doing the almost impossible. How can you really ignore a bully when they're chasing you down the hallway, and how can you really NOT think about the one thing in your life that is causing you stress? It seems simply not doable.
What if instead of giving more focus to the very thing we do not want, like the bully, or the stressor of any given situation, and the subsequent anxiety induced by any said given stressor;what if instead of reinforcing the anxiety related to a particular stressor; what if opposed to the re-telling of stories that have to do with our stressor we instead trained our minds to focus upon things that made our spirits happy?
Maybe my mother should have told me what to do instead of what not to do. Maybe when I complained about being punched in the hallway by my bully, she should have told me to instead take a dance class. Maybe the dance class would have improved my self esteem, and would have given me something to look forward to. Maybe if I had something wonderful to cling to, I would not have entertained such negative thoughts about the bullies in my grammar school. Maybe all the focus, albeit negative focus, actually helped me attract the bullies in the first place.
Maybe instead of parents telling their children to be happy, parents actually made themselves happy, by taking a yoga class, or a painting class and in return offered their children a model for what self love is, then maybe our children would learn to focus all by themselves on how to draw positives into their lives, rather than falsely assuming that being a slave to negative programming is fate.
If we want to grow an apple tree, we wouldn't stare at the ground and say, "Wow this soil sucks. There is no way an apple tree is going to grow here. It will probably not grow. It will probably die anyway, or if it does grow it won't bare any fruit anyway."
We usually have more faith and hope in the annual impatient flowers we plant around our property every spring than we do in our abilities to attract positivity into our lives. The key is to hear the programming that is swirling about in our minds.
Happiness is but a single thought away....
Peace to you my friends...
Ever notice that when a parent warns a child NOT to do something, the child usually winds up doing it?
And have you ever reminded yourself over and over NOT to forget something, only to wind up forgetting that something anyway?
As children the best advice our parents could give us was to ignore whatever it was that was bothering us. As parents ourselves we tell our own children to 'just not think about' the whatever it is that is bothering them. Whether children have been bullied at school, or are worried about switching schools, it seems that the best advice anyone could ever give had something to do with doing the almost impossible. How can you really ignore a bully when they're chasing you down the hallway, and how can you really NOT think about the one thing in your life that is causing you stress? It seems simply not doable.
What if instead of giving more focus to the very thing we do not want, like the bully, or the stressor of any given situation, and the subsequent anxiety induced by any said given stressor;what if instead of reinforcing the anxiety related to a particular stressor; what if opposed to the re-telling of stories that have to do with our stressor we instead trained our minds to focus upon things that made our spirits happy?
Maybe my mother should have told me what to do instead of what not to do. Maybe when I complained about being punched in the hallway by my bully, she should have told me to instead take a dance class. Maybe the dance class would have improved my self esteem, and would have given me something to look forward to. Maybe if I had something wonderful to cling to, I would not have entertained such negative thoughts about the bullies in my grammar school. Maybe all the focus, albeit negative focus, actually helped me attract the bullies in the first place.
Maybe instead of parents telling their children to be happy, parents actually made themselves happy, by taking a yoga class, or a painting class and in return offered their children a model for what self love is, then maybe our children would learn to focus all by themselves on how to draw positives into their lives, rather than falsely assuming that being a slave to negative programming is fate.
If we want to grow an apple tree, we wouldn't stare at the ground and say, "Wow this soil sucks. There is no way an apple tree is going to grow here. It will probably not grow. It will probably die anyway, or if it does grow it won't bare any fruit anyway."
We usually have more faith and hope in the annual impatient flowers we plant around our property every spring than we do in our abilities to attract positivity into our lives. The key is to hear the programming that is swirling about in our minds.
Happiness is but a single thought away....
Peace to you my friends...
Friday, August 19, 2011
How To Make Your Dreams Come True
If you can desire a slice of pizza, and then eat one, or if you can desire a specific car and then finally buy one, then you know how to get what is inside your mind to manifest in your reality.
You may not recognize this as the law of attraction, but it is.
Acting upon a desire and then having that desire manifest whether it is a slice of pizza or a car, is the principle of the law of attraction.
Learning to dream deliberately is the key to a happier, more deliberate life.
Just as you can decide what it is you would like to eat for dinner, you can decide what you would like to experience in life.
If you want to travel, you must allow the desire to travel to grow within you. When you look out into your environment, acknowledge consciously when the universe is trying to help align you with your desires.
When you bump into a woman who has just returned from a trip to Europe, that is not a woman bragging about her trip. That is the universe manifesting in the physical realm an opportunity for you to help decide whether you want to go to Europe or perhaps somewhere else.
When you just happen to notice a travel magazine at the supermarket checkout line, that is the universe helping to get you more clear about exactly where it is you want to go.
When you flip through the television and you notice the travel channel, again, that is the universe trying to line up your energy with ideas that have to do with travel.
You can create deliberately or by default.
If you instead go through life with this invisible feeling like "I am not good enough", the universe will deliver unto you circumstances, situations, and others to help you validate that which you focus upon.
The universe draws to you magnetically, through the attracting power of your emotions, whether they be positive or negative, the exact equivalent to what you are experiencing internally.
This is why birds of a feather flock together.
So if you are not being treated well by others, or if you find yourself frustrated by your life, you need to look within, to figure out what vibrations through emotions you are sending out into the universe.
What you are going through on the outside, is always a match to what is going on inside of you on the inside.
Learn to give your attention to, only the things, circumstances, and feelings you want.
Turn away from things, circumstances and others, who manifest to you, things you do not want.
Its that simple.
You may not recognize this as the law of attraction, but it is.
Acting upon a desire and then having that desire manifest whether it is a slice of pizza or a car, is the principle of the law of attraction.
Learning to dream deliberately is the key to a happier, more deliberate life.
Just as you can decide what it is you would like to eat for dinner, you can decide what you would like to experience in life.
If you want to travel, you must allow the desire to travel to grow within you. When you look out into your environment, acknowledge consciously when the universe is trying to help align you with your desires.
When you bump into a woman who has just returned from a trip to Europe, that is not a woman bragging about her trip. That is the universe manifesting in the physical realm an opportunity for you to help decide whether you want to go to Europe or perhaps somewhere else.
When you just happen to notice a travel magazine at the supermarket checkout line, that is the universe helping to get you more clear about exactly where it is you want to go.
When you flip through the television and you notice the travel channel, again, that is the universe trying to line up your energy with ideas that have to do with travel.
You can create deliberately or by default.
If you instead go through life with this invisible feeling like "I am not good enough", the universe will deliver unto you circumstances, situations, and others to help you validate that which you focus upon.
The universe draws to you magnetically, through the attracting power of your emotions, whether they be positive or negative, the exact equivalent to what you are experiencing internally.
This is why birds of a feather flock together.
So if you are not being treated well by others, or if you find yourself frustrated by your life, you need to look within, to figure out what vibrations through emotions you are sending out into the universe.
What you are going through on the outside, is always a match to what is going on inside of you on the inside.
Learn to give your attention to, only the things, circumstances, and feelings you want.
Turn away from things, circumstances and others, who manifest to you, things you do not want.
Its that simple.
Monday, August 15, 2011
How Do I Learn To Love Myself?
The time is coming. The collective mind of man is changing. Not so very long ago women could not vote, and segregation was a part of common society. It seems to take time for ideas of man to evolve, but they are evolving nonetheless.
I know that one day society will appreciate the value in educating children about Self love as much as they do about arithmetic and the sciences. It may take awhile for the collective minds of man to value the love of Self as much as they do earning incomes, but it is my complete belief, that that one day is coming.
When I stand on the moon and stare down at the earth, I can see how the minds of man have evolved over time. The ideas of self loathing are notions that have been carried over into the generation of the present, from the many generations before.
From the whispers of inequality of women and people of color, to the subliminal marketing techniques used by advertisers to seduce us into self loathing in an attempt to purchase products we do not need that might in some way inflate our unnecessary infantile ego for the sake of profit, self hate, self doubt, guilt, and notions of self abandonment have long been a part of the less enlightened mind of man.
If you have not been taught to love your Self, it is because those that came before you, failed to learn the lessons of Self love in their lifetime. If you tend to see yourself as a victim, and tend to ponder "Why me?" often, it is not your fault. Your thinking is the result of inappropriate programming you received by those who were responsible for raising you while you were still forming ideas about the world, and specifically your place in it.
It is futile for you to think that Self love will one day just show up. It is silly for you to assume that whining about why you are mistreated, unappreciated, misunderstood, abused, ignored, taken advantage of or disrespected is ever going to somehow infuse you with the warmth and confidence of the love of Self. Forgettabouttit'.
Are your listening ears on?
In order to love your Self, it is not enough to just think about loving your Self. You must BELIEVE you deserve to be treated well. But not even that is enough...
In order to really learn to love your Self, you must actually fall in love with your Self.
Just as you would listen to a new love in your life, you must learn to listen to your inner voice. Just as you would naturally find out what your new boyfriend or girlfriend enjoyed doing in their spare time, you need to discover about your own Self. Just as you would automatically look to buy your new love interest trinkets they'd like, you must start to buy those little gift for your Self. Just as you would want to your new b/f or g/f to feel heard, you must learn to hear your own Self. Just as you would want to treat the person you are interested in, you must first learn to treat your own Self.
If you find your Self whining about why others don't take your needs seriously, or why others think their wants are more important than your wants, or why those who claim to love you consistently find manipulative ways for making you feel guilty and thus unworthy when you do ask to be heard, the problem isn't them, its you.
If you want some free Self loving lessons, watch a rose grow. Watch how a rose naturally reaches for the light, rather than the darkness. Notice the thorns on the rose's stems. They are there to protect the rose from those who might try to harm it. The rose was put on this earth to decorate the world with beauty and color. And the universe equipped it with its own defense team to protect its beauty as well. As long as the rose keeps reaching for what feel good, its beauty will abound.
And so it is with you.
You are as natural as the rose, and like the rose one day your time to leave this planet will come. While you and the rose are breathing and growing, it is your purpose to blossom into all that you were meant to be. Your life, by sheer virtue of your existence here was intended to color the planet brightly with the colors that are you, just as flowers do. To not love your Self is as backward as a rose growing into the ground rather than towards the sun.
It is time to jump on board the Conscious Train, and to learn that you are part of something greater than you ever imagined. You are part of the evolutionary process of man, and your purpose here is to help pull the collective mind of man forward.
When enough people finally learn to love themselves, the whining of man will be no more. There will be no more anxiety, suicide, depression, bulimia, anorexia, alcoholism, or drug addiction. There will be no more jealousy, murders or thievery. The world will one day finally learn to love itself more than it does loath itself. But until your mind changes, the world stays a little darker than it needs to be.
Grow some thorns, and start reaching towards what feels right. Love your Self, before you try loving anyone else.
This is how you learn to love your magnificent Self.
I know that one day society will appreciate the value in educating children about Self love as much as they do about arithmetic and the sciences. It may take awhile for the collective minds of man to value the love of Self as much as they do earning incomes, but it is my complete belief, that that one day is coming.
When I stand on the moon and stare down at the earth, I can see how the minds of man have evolved over time. The ideas of self loathing are notions that have been carried over into the generation of the present, from the many generations before.
From the whispers of inequality of women and people of color, to the subliminal marketing techniques used by advertisers to seduce us into self loathing in an attempt to purchase products we do not need that might in some way inflate our unnecessary infantile ego for the sake of profit, self hate, self doubt, guilt, and notions of self abandonment have long been a part of the less enlightened mind of man.
If you have not been taught to love your Self, it is because those that came before you, failed to learn the lessons of Self love in their lifetime. If you tend to see yourself as a victim, and tend to ponder "Why me?" often, it is not your fault. Your thinking is the result of inappropriate programming you received by those who were responsible for raising you while you were still forming ideas about the world, and specifically your place in it.
It is futile for you to think that Self love will one day just show up. It is silly for you to assume that whining about why you are mistreated, unappreciated, misunderstood, abused, ignored, taken advantage of or disrespected is ever going to somehow infuse you with the warmth and confidence of the love of Self. Forgettabouttit'.
Are your listening ears on?
In order to love your Self, it is not enough to just think about loving your Self. You must BELIEVE you deserve to be treated well. But not even that is enough...
In order to really learn to love your Self, you must actually fall in love with your Self.
Just as you would listen to a new love in your life, you must learn to listen to your inner voice. Just as you would naturally find out what your new boyfriend or girlfriend enjoyed doing in their spare time, you need to discover about your own Self. Just as you would automatically look to buy your new love interest trinkets they'd like, you must start to buy those little gift for your Self. Just as you would want to your new b/f or g/f to feel heard, you must learn to hear your own Self. Just as you would want to treat the person you are interested in, you must first learn to treat your own Self.
If you find your Self whining about why others don't take your needs seriously, or why others think their wants are more important than your wants, or why those who claim to love you consistently find manipulative ways for making you feel guilty and thus unworthy when you do ask to be heard, the problem isn't them, its you.
If you want some free Self loving lessons, watch a rose grow. Watch how a rose naturally reaches for the light, rather than the darkness. Notice the thorns on the rose's stems. They are there to protect the rose from those who might try to harm it. The rose was put on this earth to decorate the world with beauty and color. And the universe equipped it with its own defense team to protect its beauty as well. As long as the rose keeps reaching for what feel good, its beauty will abound.
And so it is with you.
You are as natural as the rose, and like the rose one day your time to leave this planet will come. While you and the rose are breathing and growing, it is your purpose to blossom into all that you were meant to be. Your life, by sheer virtue of your existence here was intended to color the planet brightly with the colors that are you, just as flowers do. To not love your Self is as backward as a rose growing into the ground rather than towards the sun.
It is time to jump on board the Conscious Train, and to learn that you are part of something greater than you ever imagined. You are part of the evolutionary process of man, and your purpose here is to help pull the collective mind of man forward.
When enough people finally learn to love themselves, the whining of man will be no more. There will be no more anxiety, suicide, depression, bulimia, anorexia, alcoholism, or drug addiction. There will be no more jealousy, murders or thievery. The world will one day finally learn to love itself more than it does loath itself. But until your mind changes, the world stays a little darker than it needs to be.
Grow some thorns, and start reaching towards what feels right. Love your Self, before you try loving anyone else.
This is how you learn to love your magnificent Self.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I Want To Kill Myself
Dear Lisa,
I read your blogs, and they seem so matter of fact, as if someone is not happy, then it is their fault. I feel like you blame the victim for all their problems, and I don't think that is fair. Sometimes my life is so hard I just want to kill myself. Reading your blog, I think is supposed to make me feel better. Sometimes it does, but then others it seems like I will never get past some of the things that have happened to me in my life. Can you help me?
Dear I Can't Get Past My Past,
Darling, I hear you. I would first like to say, thank you for your honesty. I can feel your pain through your words. You are dripping in sorrow. I have been where you are. It is dark. It is lonely. It is as if a tremendous war is raging inside your mind, and only you know the war is happening. You look around and see others laughing, and you think, "What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I laugh? Why can't I just be free-free of these daunting thoughts that keep playing over and over in my mind?"
There is so much I would like to explain, and in detail. I hope I am able to break down for you what is happening in your mind chemically, psychologically, emotionally as well as scientifically. Everything you are experiencing is normal for someone who thinks as you do. In my opinion, much of what we as a society believe in, we have been conditioned to believe in, but that doesn't make it real.
Darling, when you came into this world you were perfect. In you still exists that perfection. But because you were born to two flawed people, as we all were, you no doubt have been infected with ideas that have pulled you out of alignment from your true nature. Each being born has the innate ability to do and be whatever he/she wishes to be. The problem in our thinking occurs when we are sadly infected by the beliefs of those who are raising us. If our parents are depressed, alcoholics, addicts, worriers, compulsive, overly controlling, hovering, liars, manipulators, cheaters, aggressive or go through life appearing to be helpless, we cannot help but absorb the equivalent of that energy and thus beliefs and behaviors.
As children we are open books absorbing the energies of those around us. We cannot help it. We are more energy and free space than we are material beings made of matter. But yet, we are conditioned to believe that what we see in the world that appears in the material realm, is more important than what we feel internally. In obvious as well as not so obvious ways, many of us have been taught to worry more about what others think about us than what we think about ourselves, or we have been taught to simply worry for the sake of worrying.
You must ask yourself if you were ever taught to laugh, to be silly, to poke fun at yourself, to embrace your imperfections, to giggle when it rains, to brush negative people away, or to walk through life seeking the good. If not, it is no wonder you only see bad.
When parents worry about appearing perfect, they teach us to worry about 'not appearing' perfect to others. So when our day doesn't go quite as well as we'd like, we freak out and panic, worrying what's wrong with us. When our parents worry more about making money than they do about what's going on with us internally, they teach us to put our faith into something material, (which can be lost at anytime) opposed to teaching us to believe in our strength to handle any challenge that might come our way. When our parents talk of life being so hard, we believe them, and thus life becomes hard. When our parents speak of suicide, we absorb that depressed energy and too begin to believe in despair rather than hope. When our parents give off the vibration of anger, yet they try to appear happy, they teach us to believe that illusions are more valuable than truth.
When you are confused you get stuck in your head. One thought then attracts a similar thought to support the first confused thought. Take a lifetime of confused thoughts and add to it the negative energy that is created through confusion, and you can see how a life can easily become not worth living. Confusion, negativity, lack of movement, and a lack of positive, reassuring, self love, leaves a mind as well as a soul gasping for emotional air.
One negative thought simply attracts to it another negative thought. If you think negatively, it is probably the result of the impressions you have absorbed along your life's path that have been laid out for you by the caretakers in your life.
If you need to 'blame' someone or something, blame your conditioning, but not your parents. They did the best they could. If they had known better, they would have done better.
If you see yourself as a victim, darling, then you will behave like a victim. If you interpret that as me blaming you for your pain, all I can do is offer you my regrets that that is the way you choose to interpret my message.
The truth is, if you ponder long enough on one positive thought, that positive thought will attract to it another positive thought. Imagine an entire day immersed in positive thoughts. Imagine the flowers you'd notice, or the babies smiles you'd see, or how sweet the air would smell if you did.
Chemically when you choose to think positively you alter your brains chemistry. You literally secrete endorphins that light up your brain, which ultimately helps to lift the fog of depression.
If there are trauma's in your life you are locking down inside of you, then you need to release those dragons so they cannot make a fuss inside you anymore. If you have pain you are carrying around on your shoulders like a monkey on your back, you need to set that monkey down so he can walk back into the jungle it came from. If you are tired of the static noise in your mind, you need to retune the radio station you listen to, and listen only to the soothing part of you.
When I was twelve years old, there were so many dragons in my head, monkeys on my back, and noise in my skin, that all I wanted to do was die. I wanted to die so badly, that I had a gun to my head. I know this dark place of which you speak.
But thankfully for me I heard a voice. And that voice said, "Lisa put down that gun. One day you will show them."
As I stood there stunned staring at my reflection in my mothers bedroom mirror with my fathers pistol to my head, another thought rushed in immediately after that one, and then another. These thoughts were all positive. They weren't rose colored glasses positive, but they were thoughts that were just a little bit healthier than those that were prompting me to kill my self.
Thoughts like, "What will happen to your brother and sister if you kill yourself?" "What will happen to your parents, if you kill yourself/", "What pain will you cause your family by ending your own?"...And "If you kill yourself, you will be dead, and you won't be around to hear those who bullied you say they are sorry for being so cruel to you."
What I realized is that all my mind did was reach for a thought that was just a little bit healthier than the first truly dark one. Then little by little my thoughts reached further up the emotional chain.
My life did not improve over night. In fact my life got a hell of a lot worse, but what changed was my mind. I made a decision at the age of 12 that one day I would help make the world a better place while I was here, in any and every way I could.
I get it now, so you when you read my blog, you must understand you are reading the work of a woman who has gone through hell to get where she is. There is an easier way to get where I am, and that is what my writings are about. It is not necessary to claw your way to positive thinking, unless that is what you believe. I write the words I wish were there for me when I was going through the craziness that was my childhood programming. The internet is a gift. It is a gift I use to help me bestow wisdom on others I may never know. It is my way of giving thanks to the universe that supports me in every way, as long as I choose to see that.
Everyday I search the internet for inspiration and motivation. I still journal everyday and deliberately seek that which pleases me and I turn away from that which does not please me. It is an effort, but so worth it.
Dear friend, I do not see myself as a victim. I see myself as a Champion. And that has made all the difference.
How do you see your self?
How do you want to see your self?
Are you willing to let go of the old so you can experience the new?
Do you believe your negative thoughts and victim mentality is simply what you have been conditioned to believe you are through the thoughts, attitudes and opinions of others?
Do you believe you can create a new mind?
Know what you think, then decide what you want to think, and the world becomes your playground.
I read your blogs, and they seem so matter of fact, as if someone is not happy, then it is their fault. I feel like you blame the victim for all their problems, and I don't think that is fair. Sometimes my life is so hard I just want to kill myself. Reading your blog, I think is supposed to make me feel better. Sometimes it does, but then others it seems like I will never get past some of the things that have happened to me in my life. Can you help me?
Dear I Can't Get Past My Past,
Darling, I hear you. I would first like to say, thank you for your honesty. I can feel your pain through your words. You are dripping in sorrow. I have been where you are. It is dark. It is lonely. It is as if a tremendous war is raging inside your mind, and only you know the war is happening. You look around and see others laughing, and you think, "What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I laugh? Why can't I just be free-free of these daunting thoughts that keep playing over and over in my mind?"
There is so much I would like to explain, and in detail. I hope I am able to break down for you what is happening in your mind chemically, psychologically, emotionally as well as scientifically. Everything you are experiencing is normal for someone who thinks as you do. In my opinion, much of what we as a society believe in, we have been conditioned to believe in, but that doesn't make it real.
Darling, when you came into this world you were perfect. In you still exists that perfection. But because you were born to two flawed people, as we all were, you no doubt have been infected with ideas that have pulled you out of alignment from your true nature. Each being born has the innate ability to do and be whatever he/she wishes to be. The problem in our thinking occurs when we are sadly infected by the beliefs of those who are raising us. If our parents are depressed, alcoholics, addicts, worriers, compulsive, overly controlling, hovering, liars, manipulators, cheaters, aggressive or go through life appearing to be helpless, we cannot help but absorb the equivalent of that energy and thus beliefs and behaviors.
As children we are open books absorbing the energies of those around us. We cannot help it. We are more energy and free space than we are material beings made of matter. But yet, we are conditioned to believe that what we see in the world that appears in the material realm, is more important than what we feel internally. In obvious as well as not so obvious ways, many of us have been taught to worry more about what others think about us than what we think about ourselves, or we have been taught to simply worry for the sake of worrying.
You must ask yourself if you were ever taught to laugh, to be silly, to poke fun at yourself, to embrace your imperfections, to giggle when it rains, to brush negative people away, or to walk through life seeking the good. If not, it is no wonder you only see bad.
When parents worry about appearing perfect, they teach us to worry about 'not appearing' perfect to others. So when our day doesn't go quite as well as we'd like, we freak out and panic, worrying what's wrong with us. When our parents worry more about making money than they do about what's going on with us internally, they teach us to put our faith into something material, (which can be lost at anytime) opposed to teaching us to believe in our strength to handle any challenge that might come our way. When our parents talk of life being so hard, we believe them, and thus life becomes hard. When our parents speak of suicide, we absorb that depressed energy and too begin to believe in despair rather than hope. When our parents give off the vibration of anger, yet they try to appear happy, they teach us to believe that illusions are more valuable than truth.
When you are confused you get stuck in your head. One thought then attracts a similar thought to support the first confused thought. Take a lifetime of confused thoughts and add to it the negative energy that is created through confusion, and you can see how a life can easily become not worth living. Confusion, negativity, lack of movement, and a lack of positive, reassuring, self love, leaves a mind as well as a soul gasping for emotional air.
One negative thought simply attracts to it another negative thought. If you think negatively, it is probably the result of the impressions you have absorbed along your life's path that have been laid out for you by the caretakers in your life.
If you need to 'blame' someone or something, blame your conditioning, but not your parents. They did the best they could. If they had known better, they would have done better.
If you see yourself as a victim, darling, then you will behave like a victim. If you interpret that as me blaming you for your pain, all I can do is offer you my regrets that that is the way you choose to interpret my message.
The truth is, if you ponder long enough on one positive thought, that positive thought will attract to it another positive thought. Imagine an entire day immersed in positive thoughts. Imagine the flowers you'd notice, or the babies smiles you'd see, or how sweet the air would smell if you did.
Chemically when you choose to think positively you alter your brains chemistry. You literally secrete endorphins that light up your brain, which ultimately helps to lift the fog of depression.
If there are trauma's in your life you are locking down inside of you, then you need to release those dragons so they cannot make a fuss inside you anymore. If you have pain you are carrying around on your shoulders like a monkey on your back, you need to set that monkey down so he can walk back into the jungle it came from. If you are tired of the static noise in your mind, you need to retune the radio station you listen to, and listen only to the soothing part of you.
When I was twelve years old, there were so many dragons in my head, monkeys on my back, and noise in my skin, that all I wanted to do was die. I wanted to die so badly, that I had a gun to my head. I know this dark place of which you speak.
But thankfully for me I heard a voice. And that voice said, "Lisa put down that gun. One day you will show them."
As I stood there stunned staring at my reflection in my mothers bedroom mirror with my fathers pistol to my head, another thought rushed in immediately after that one, and then another. These thoughts were all positive. They weren't rose colored glasses positive, but they were thoughts that were just a little bit healthier than those that were prompting me to kill my self.
Thoughts like, "What will happen to your brother and sister if you kill yourself?" "What will happen to your parents, if you kill yourself/", "What pain will you cause your family by ending your own?"...And "If you kill yourself, you will be dead, and you won't be around to hear those who bullied you say they are sorry for being so cruel to you."
What I realized is that all my mind did was reach for a thought that was just a little bit healthier than the first truly dark one. Then little by little my thoughts reached further up the emotional chain.
My life did not improve over night. In fact my life got a hell of a lot worse, but what changed was my mind. I made a decision at the age of 12 that one day I would help make the world a better place while I was here, in any and every way I could.
I get it now, so you when you read my blog, you must understand you are reading the work of a woman who has gone through hell to get where she is. There is an easier way to get where I am, and that is what my writings are about. It is not necessary to claw your way to positive thinking, unless that is what you believe. I write the words I wish were there for me when I was going through the craziness that was my childhood programming. The internet is a gift. It is a gift I use to help me bestow wisdom on others I may never know. It is my way of giving thanks to the universe that supports me in every way, as long as I choose to see that.
Everyday I search the internet for inspiration and motivation. I still journal everyday and deliberately seek that which pleases me and I turn away from that which does not please me. It is an effort, but so worth it.
Dear friend, I do not see myself as a victim. I see myself as a Champion. And that has made all the difference.
How do you see your self?
How do you want to see your self?
Are you willing to let go of the old so you can experience the new?
Do you believe your negative thoughts and victim mentality is simply what you have been conditioned to believe you are through the thoughts, attitudes and opinions of others?
Do you believe you can create a new mind?
Know what you think, then decide what you want to think, and the world becomes your playground.
Monday, August 8, 2011
How To Get Past This Present Negative Reality
Scientists are now finally coming to the brave understanding that alternate universes exist.
In fact, the current reality you are living is a fraction of who and what you are, and what you are capable of.
Your creative mind is as useful, and as important as your ability to speak, for in your mind, you can be wherever, whomever and whatever you can imagine. Your creative self is infinite.
To not IMAGINE yourself to be as your all too short dreams can imagine you to be, is to keep fortunes buried in your backyard.
You are fat, because you do not IMAGINE your self thin. You are fat, because everywhere you look society reminds you that you are, through television ads, radio commercials and so on.
You are poor, because you have been conditioned to believe you are not supposed to be rich. Read the paper, listen to the radio or watch the news...what is the programming you are receiving daily?
If you can imagine it, it exists somewhere out there...
But if all you do is stay stuck, and do not IMAGINE your life any better, you will stay stuck.
If you want to be free in physical time, you first must free your mind from what is...
IMAGINE, daydream, envision your self doing and being exactly what, how and where you want to be.
Get out of the here and the now...and pull your thoughts higher...
Please write back to me and tell me how your life has changed when you finally open your mind to your infinite possibility...
In fact, the current reality you are living is a fraction of who and what you are, and what you are capable of.
Your creative mind is as useful, and as important as your ability to speak, for in your mind, you can be wherever, whomever and whatever you can imagine. Your creative self is infinite.
To not IMAGINE yourself to be as your all too short dreams can imagine you to be, is to keep fortunes buried in your backyard.
You are fat, because you do not IMAGINE your self thin. You are fat, because everywhere you look society reminds you that you are, through television ads, radio commercials and so on.
You are poor, because you have been conditioned to believe you are not supposed to be rich. Read the paper, listen to the radio or watch the news...what is the programming you are receiving daily?
If you can imagine it, it exists somewhere out there...
But if all you do is stay stuck, and do not IMAGINE your life any better, you will stay stuck.
If you want to be free in physical time, you first must free your mind from what is...
IMAGINE, daydream, envision your self doing and being exactly what, how and where you want to be.
Get out of the here and the now...and pull your thoughts higher...
Please write back to me and tell me how your life has changed when you finally open your mind to your infinite possibility...
Friday, August 5, 2011
How To Test If Others Are Good or Bad For Me
In all of us are beliefs.
Some of these beliefs are conscious, but most of them are unconscious.
Do you enjoy the thoughts that swirl about in your head?
Do you enjoy your behaviors?
Do you love your Self?
If you are like so many young women and men today, you do not enjoy most of the B/S that is swirling about in your head, nor do you enjoy the obsessive compulsive things you do to get your mind to shift from focusing on the negative thoughts that are in your head...
WTF?
Is that where you are? Are you in that place-the WTF place?
If you are, you are not alone....
Stop...listen to this wise woman who has spent far too many years in that WTF place.
I wanted everyone to like me, to accept me, to tell me I was good enough, and it never showed up in quite the way I needed it to, to fill that WTF place up in my head.
Why???
I had friends. I had a decent job. I was attractive. I had a family and my dog loved me.
WTF...why was I so displeased with me?
The problem was, what was wrong could not be fixed by anyone or anything on the outside...DUH...I was looking for others to fix something they couldn't...But stubborn, pig headed me, kept insisting others love me enough to make this WTF feeling go away...
Okay, so WTF...how did I get my mind from way over there in psycho land where I was not only frustrating myself, but everyone around me...to this kick ass, bissful, I love me no matter what anyone else thinks of me, place???
The journey was long, but so worth the trip.
I first had to uncover what it was I believed. My beliefs were ruling my world and keeping me stuck.
I believed everyone had to like me...WRONG...
I believed everyone had to think I was pretty...WRONG...
I believed if I was good enough others would naturally treat me well...WRONG...
I believed if I loved someone they had to love me back...WRONG...
I believed I was only good enough if someone else told me so...WRONG...
I believed if I was good to someone, they had to be just as good back to me, and if they didn't that meant something was wrong with me...WRONG...
I believed that if my relationship wasn't turning out well, that it was all my fault, and that if I was good, I'd hang in there...WRONG...
I believed it was normal to fight in a relationship...WRONG...
I believed that even when I was treated poorly, I probably did something to deserve it, and I was supposed to stay...WRONG...
I believed if I loved someone, I hung in there no matter what...WRONG...
I believed being alone was a terrible thing...WRONG...
I believed that I had to be pretty, thin, and smart for others to like me...WRONG...
I believed that if someone loved me, they were supposed to be attached to my hip, and validate me always (eek..needy bitch I was..lol)...WRONG...
HOLY CRAP...
When I finally stopped whining about how miserable I was, and started uncovering what beliefs were governing my thinking, I began to understand that I was on a collision course...and I was the cause of all my WTF thinking...
There was no way a girl like me, with thoughts like these was not going to attract some piece of s---...of a man.
I was literally putting my sense of self in someone else's hands.
I was literally saying, "I will love you so you love me back, because I don't know how to love myself. I will ATTACH my needy ass self to you, and drown you with affection, not because you need it you loser, but because I believe if that I do, you MUST do what I want you to do, which is to make this WTF feeling go away...I am demanding you to fill this WTF place in me, so I can stop these WTF feelings in my head. And even though you will probably take advantage of my neediness, treat me like dog sh-- on your shoe, push me away, and only show affection when you want to get laid, I am gonna hang in there...because that's what I BELIEVE I should do."
WTF? Really, I mean WTF?
Its no mystery why I was so miserable...
So I figured it all out. I didn't think I was good enough because my mother's love wasn't all that reassuring...
I was taught to care more about what others thought about me than what I thought about me...and so I picked up all these negative beliefs along my life's path.
But now I have learned that unless I own my power, and stop giving my sense of self over to dysfunctional, self absorbed others, ( and unfortunately sometimes this includes our parents, siblings, best friends, co workers, and husbands ), I will be destined to live the remainder of my life on planet WTF.
WTF is not necessary.
If you are unhappy and the people in your life are bringing you down, GET RID OF THEM, and start paying attention to how you FEEL, when you are around people.
People that are GOOD for you will make you FEEL secure, warm, positive, and cared for.
Your energy literally goes up when you are around someone who is good for you, and down when you are slamming yourself into someone who is NOT good for you...
Check out the video above. Want to test your energy to see if those in your life are good for you or bad for you? Do the above muscle test while sitting next to your brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, mother, father or even around alcohol.
Anything or anyone that is not good for you, will show up in your energy field...
If you are on planet WTF, it is because YOU are not where you belong. YOU are gravitating towards things and others that are weighing you down...
Some of these beliefs are conscious, but most of them are unconscious.
Do you enjoy the thoughts that swirl about in your head?
Do you enjoy your behaviors?
Do you love your Self?
If you are like so many young women and men today, you do not enjoy most of the B/S that is swirling about in your head, nor do you enjoy the obsessive compulsive things you do to get your mind to shift from focusing on the negative thoughts that are in your head...
WTF?
Is that where you are? Are you in that place-the WTF place?
If you are, you are not alone....
Stop...listen to this wise woman who has spent far too many years in that WTF place.
I wanted everyone to like me, to accept me, to tell me I was good enough, and it never showed up in quite the way I needed it to, to fill that WTF place up in my head.
Why???
I had friends. I had a decent job. I was attractive. I had a family and my dog loved me.
WTF...why was I so displeased with me?
The problem was, what was wrong could not be fixed by anyone or anything on the outside...DUH...I was looking for others to fix something they couldn't...But stubborn, pig headed me, kept insisting others love me enough to make this WTF feeling go away...
Okay, so WTF...how did I get my mind from way over there in psycho land where I was not only frustrating myself, but everyone around me...to this kick ass, bissful, I love me no matter what anyone else thinks of me, place???
The journey was long, but so worth the trip.
I first had to uncover what it was I believed. My beliefs were ruling my world and keeping me stuck.
I believed everyone had to like me...WRONG...
I believed everyone had to think I was pretty...WRONG...
I believed if I was good enough others would naturally treat me well...WRONG...
I believed if I loved someone they had to love me back...WRONG...
I believed I was only good enough if someone else told me so...WRONG...
I believed if I was good to someone, they had to be just as good back to me, and if they didn't that meant something was wrong with me...WRONG...
I believed that if my relationship wasn't turning out well, that it was all my fault, and that if I was good, I'd hang in there...WRONG...
I believed it was normal to fight in a relationship...WRONG...
I believed that even when I was treated poorly, I probably did something to deserve it, and I was supposed to stay...WRONG...
I believed if I loved someone, I hung in there no matter what...WRONG...
I believed being alone was a terrible thing...WRONG...
I believed that I had to be pretty, thin, and smart for others to like me...WRONG...
I believed that if someone loved me, they were supposed to be attached to my hip, and validate me always (eek..needy bitch I was..lol)...WRONG...
HOLY CRAP...
When I finally stopped whining about how miserable I was, and started uncovering what beliefs were governing my thinking, I began to understand that I was on a collision course...and I was the cause of all my WTF thinking...
There was no way a girl like me, with thoughts like these was not going to attract some piece of s---...of a man.
I was literally putting my sense of self in someone else's hands.
I was literally saying, "I will love you so you love me back, because I don't know how to love myself. I will ATTACH my needy ass self to you, and drown you with affection, not because you need it you loser, but because I believe if that I do, you MUST do what I want you to do, which is to make this WTF feeling go away...I am demanding you to fill this WTF place in me, so I can stop these WTF feelings in my head. And even though you will probably take advantage of my neediness, treat me like dog sh-- on your shoe, push me away, and only show affection when you want to get laid, I am gonna hang in there...because that's what I BELIEVE I should do."
WTF? Really, I mean WTF?
Its no mystery why I was so miserable...
So I figured it all out. I didn't think I was good enough because my mother's love wasn't all that reassuring...
I was taught to care more about what others thought about me than what I thought about me...and so I picked up all these negative beliefs along my life's path.
But now I have learned that unless I own my power, and stop giving my sense of self over to dysfunctional, self absorbed others, ( and unfortunately sometimes this includes our parents, siblings, best friends, co workers, and husbands ), I will be destined to live the remainder of my life on planet WTF.
WTF is not necessary.
If you are unhappy and the people in your life are bringing you down, GET RID OF THEM, and start paying attention to how you FEEL, when you are around people.
People that are GOOD for you will make you FEEL secure, warm, positive, and cared for.
Your energy literally goes up when you are around someone who is good for you, and down when you are slamming yourself into someone who is NOT good for you...
Check out the video above. Want to test your energy to see if those in your life are good for you or bad for you? Do the above muscle test while sitting next to your brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, mother, father or even around alcohol.
Anything or anyone that is not good for you, will show up in your energy field...
If you are on planet WTF, it is because YOU are not where you belong. YOU are gravitating towards things and others that are weighing you down...
Monday, August 1, 2011
How To Stop Needing To Be Needed
For many chaos is a way of life. It is normal to obsess about what others are doing, what they are thinking, buyings, what kind of car they are driving, or who they are having sex with and so on. It is so much the norm, that the world at large has forgotten to mind their own damn business.
And that is the root of the problem.
When we are paying more attention to what others think, feel and are doing, we disconnect ourselves from our true source.
When we are raised by mothers or fathers who are codependent and do not show us how to love ourselves or mirror for us healthy, nurturing, back and forth male to female relationships, we grow very much aware of this tremendous void that lives within us. We watch our caretakers look outside for this sense of fulfillment, and thus so we learn to do the same.
The void that lives within our parents, is not a void we can see, but it is a void we can feel. We don't know why we feel so disconnected from ourselves as children, we just know we do. We don't know why we feel so anxious as children, we just know we don't feel secure. The problem is, our brains tell us everything 'looks' physically fine, and thus our brain continues to reason that things should be fine. But on an emotional level, or on the level we can tune into as a vibration, we are 'feeling' that things really are not 'fine'. The gap between what we see in our 'physical or manifested' world is out of alignment with what we sense in our 'non physical, emotional' world which is felt as a vibration of disconnect.
As we go out into the world, it is difficult for us to imagine that that void is not supposed to be filled by something outside of us. We think, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, or the love of another will fill that space up that is so deep and so dark.
As years pass the void never seems to fill up. Our relationships eventually stop exciting us. We grow tired of looking for the other to fill that void that has not been able to be filled by the other. We then blame the other for not being able to hold our attention, or for not being able to fulfill our needs. Or the drama has escalated to such a degree, that we simply do not know how not to not see what we do not want to see in our partners. We are so disconnected to the harmony that is supposed to be within ourselves, we settle for the distraction of chaos, break up, make up, highs, lows, addiction, and drama. It is like a wheel we cannot seem to jump off of.
Many times we settle for being needed. We pick up others along our life's path that we see as wounded. We tell ourselves that fixing someone else will inevitably lead to satisfaction, because unconsciously we believe that if we fix this someone else, they will in turn love us forever and never leave us. The feeling or the vibration is, "If I fix you, you will have to owe me forever for fixing you. You will validate me, because I cannot validate myself. You will show me how good I am, in the reflection of how well I can fix you. In turn, the good I see in you, will show me how good I am, because my eyes still look outside of me for validation."
The void in you can only attract more of a void. What you transmit emotionally or through your vibration, is a feeling of emptiness. Your loving then, can only return more of the same.
If you want to stop needing to feel needed, you are going to have to learn to self satisfy, self love, self appreciate, self gratify and above all other things self love.
If you have been wounded by the dogma of your religions, know that self love is not a form of ugly selfishness.
Self love is equivalent to loving the Christ, the Buddha, the Abraham or the Mohammed in you.
Self love is learning to believe that everything about you is connected to source, God, the Universe, or whatever the higher power that created you is referred to by you. Sleeping well, non drugging, removing yourself from negative others, places and influences, long hot baths, meditation, a bouquet of flowers, a peaceful stroll through a fragrant park, these are not the things of selfishness. They are the way to a true life.
If you want to know how to stop needing to be needed, practice the art of 'loving selfishness'. Day by day, thought by thought, it gets better.
And that is the root of the problem.
When we are paying more attention to what others think, feel and are doing, we disconnect ourselves from our true source.
When we are raised by mothers or fathers who are codependent and do not show us how to love ourselves or mirror for us healthy, nurturing, back and forth male to female relationships, we grow very much aware of this tremendous void that lives within us. We watch our caretakers look outside for this sense of fulfillment, and thus so we learn to do the same.
The void that lives within our parents, is not a void we can see, but it is a void we can feel. We don't know why we feel so disconnected from ourselves as children, we just know we do. We don't know why we feel so anxious as children, we just know we don't feel secure. The problem is, our brains tell us everything 'looks' physically fine, and thus our brain continues to reason that things should be fine. But on an emotional level, or on the level we can tune into as a vibration, we are 'feeling' that things really are not 'fine'. The gap between what we see in our 'physical or manifested' world is out of alignment with what we sense in our 'non physical, emotional' world which is felt as a vibration of disconnect.
As we go out into the world, it is difficult for us to imagine that that void is not supposed to be filled by something outside of us. We think, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, or the love of another will fill that space up that is so deep and so dark.
As years pass the void never seems to fill up. Our relationships eventually stop exciting us. We grow tired of looking for the other to fill that void that has not been able to be filled by the other. We then blame the other for not being able to hold our attention, or for not being able to fulfill our needs. Or the drama has escalated to such a degree, that we simply do not know how not to not see what we do not want to see in our partners. We are so disconnected to the harmony that is supposed to be within ourselves, we settle for the distraction of chaos, break up, make up, highs, lows, addiction, and drama. It is like a wheel we cannot seem to jump off of.
Many times we settle for being needed. We pick up others along our life's path that we see as wounded. We tell ourselves that fixing someone else will inevitably lead to satisfaction, because unconsciously we believe that if we fix this someone else, they will in turn love us forever and never leave us. The feeling or the vibration is, "If I fix you, you will have to owe me forever for fixing you. You will validate me, because I cannot validate myself. You will show me how good I am, in the reflection of how well I can fix you. In turn, the good I see in you, will show me how good I am, because my eyes still look outside of me for validation."
The void in you can only attract more of a void. What you transmit emotionally or through your vibration, is a feeling of emptiness. Your loving then, can only return more of the same.
If you want to stop needing to feel needed, you are going to have to learn to self satisfy, self love, self appreciate, self gratify and above all other things self love.
If you have been wounded by the dogma of your religions, know that self love is not a form of ugly selfishness.
Self love is equivalent to loving the Christ, the Buddha, the Abraham or the Mohammed in you.
Self love is learning to believe that everything about you is connected to source, God, the Universe, or whatever the higher power that created you is referred to by you. Sleeping well, non drugging, removing yourself from negative others, places and influences, long hot baths, meditation, a bouquet of flowers, a peaceful stroll through a fragrant park, these are not the things of selfishness. They are the way to a true life.
If you want to know how to stop needing to be needed, practice the art of 'loving selfishness'. Day by day, thought by thought, it gets better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)