The World's Psychic Disease

The world is suffering from a psychic disease. The psychic disease is a collective one. It reflects the disease that is found in the false self, or the ego of man.

The ego represents all the things in us we do not want to see. It is shielded by veils of criticism, judgement, anger, violence, helplessness, victimization, manipulation, obsession, impulsivity, and denial. It is the reason we repress, hide, swallow and toss in the emotional juices of panic and anxiety.

Life exists within vibrational fields. We acknowledge "vibes" people give off, but rarely question our own.

We project and scarcely look within and concede to the inclination of "choice".

Although animals, we are not primates. Within the human mind exists a consciousness which is linked to freedom of choice.

Surrounded are we by polarities; the negative and the positive. The mind has the ability to choose which vibration it marries.

Who are you? Beneath your role as mother or father, boss, or employee, friend, or clergyman, who are you?

Do you manage the workings of your inner mind, or is your mind imprisoned by the illusions of the collective?

Society has man giving into fear. We are taught to distrust our own mind, We are conditioned since birth to go against our nature..which is in perfect harmony with the breath of the universe.

We are as a rose is.

But instead we have been lied to. We have been taught we cannot trust others, their minds, their choices, their intentions. Our childhoods tainted by fright.

We are raised in fear.

This fear, collectively has us fighting wars, hating one another, competing with our fellow man, lying, deceiving, and cheating other souls. The distrust we project, represents the distrust we have of our own minds. We judge others as we judge our selves.

A fearful society is a controllable one.

Harmony is free...

Fear is priceless...

To change the world, we must first change the world we live in; our SELF. The self is our world and the collective self is the universe.

There can be no change "out there" until there is a shift within the man, The false self; the ego must die. Birth must be given to consciousness. Consciousness is the place in our minds where peace sits. It is the harmony in us that beats with the churning of the oceans and rising of the sun. The sun does not fret over thunder. It is not threatened by gail winds or tumultuous rains. The sun knows its strength. In us exists the same strength. But we must fight our false ego to find that knowing.

We are all enough. We are all good. We are all connected to divinity, and there is no separateness between us. Vanity keeps us competing and believing others are either more worthy or less worthy than we. It is nonsense. The soul is a soul.

Social experiments have proven that there can be no growth when there is fear. When a mind is in fear, its natural instinct is to protect itself from its perceived attackers. Where there is fear, there can be no growth. When the mind is flooded with stress hormones, bodily functions are impaired, slowed and harmony halted.

The freedom to choose exists.

In us all, in any moment is the ability to let go; to detach and to surrender willingly and consciously to the laws of the universe. What will be will be regardless of our attachment to fear, anxiety and our disconnection with nature. We cannot control others, their wills, their circumstances or their actions. We cannot control what lessons life teaches whom or what situations are used to teach them.

Does your mind embrace this reality, or refuse it?

If our minds are fighting constantly; in fear continually, it cannot survive. Letting go and believing in a natural order of the universe is the key to survival. Consciously dodging fear, anxiety, and attachment to things outside of us, is the road to inner peace amidst duress. It is the way towards light and towards the healing of the world.

War exists because of fear. Because the mind of man fears others, it swarms itself in baths of defense. We fight because of illusions; disruptions in harmony; in truth and in nature.

There is nothing to fear at our core. A world free of the false ego, is world where only peace can exist.

Such a global reality is attainable, but not first without it existing in the confines of mans mind first.

Healing What Was So We Can Accept What Is

Yesterday I returned home from a trip to Puerto RIco. While there I met an interesting soul that will forever stay a part of mine. Joe is 87 years old, and he is as spry as any teenager I have ever known.

We met by accident, or should I say, by God's will, one warm night by the hotel pool. He was quick witted, charming, and enjoyed bringing smiles to our faces. His eyes were a dazzling pale Caribbean blue. His hair was as white as bleached cotton, and his skin was the color of a coconut hide. He spoke of trips to Fiji, Venice and Honolulu. His eyes burst like a fireworks display as he shared stories of his adventures. Joe's feet had covered more of this earth's bounty than anyone I had ever met. But I couldn't help but wonder where Joe called home.

We divinely met Joe for breakfast the next morning. Over our three hour meal, a deeper understanding in me grew for my new friend. His fortune had come with a high price. Estranged from his children and first wife, sorrow could not help but bleed through his words when his mind looked back and recalled his shadows of memories in which in them he stood as daddy before his babies. And in spite of his children's anger towards their father today, Joe's face could net conceal the joy fatherhood once bestowed him.

Today Joe is a world traveler, sharing meals and stories with people he meets in hotel lobbies, elevators, and gift shops. He is a man who superficially seems to have it all. But soon during our third meal together, my soul knew better.

Dear Joe is in search of something no pristine beach, or rushing waterfall could ever give him. There is no corner of earth far enough away from where Joe needs to go.

I may not know Joe very well, but I know him. He is me, and I am he.

Both born into families that unconsciously conditioned us to believe that self worth was something that could only be found 'out there' somewhere, whether through financial success, beauty, popularity or the subject of envy, Joe and I were robbed of a sense of 'home' right where we are. When we should have been being taught that our worth was in being and in self acceptance, we were taught that we weren't enough unless we had 'things', made others happy, and in essence were programmed to believe that what other people thought about us was more important than what we thought about us.

In life we developed ways to control acceptance out of others in an attempt to complete the cycle of dysfunctional programming. Our end goal was to feel acceptance because this was our interpretation of love. "If people accept me, then I am worthy...then I am lovable."

Unfortunately this cycles can go in more than one direction. One mind with such programming also unconsciously believes; "If I disappoint people and don't do what they want, then they won't love me; then I am not worthy; then I am not lovable."

This unconscious cycle is the reason we run, abuse alcohol, have affairs, idolize material goods, and sabotage relationships that might have survived had our programming been based more in love than in fear.

Joe however is on his way back home. He is nourishing his mind with great authors of enlightenment and is creating the energy to attract minds like my own. He is learning that control is and always has been an illusion. Joe never could manipulate love out of anyone, or get them to do what he thought they should do no matter what he bought them, or how much money he gave them. In the end, Joe sees truth. You cannot buy real love because perfect love is priceless...We can however buy emotional band aids that ease temporary bleeding that has been caused by faulty childhood programming, but one day the hemorrhage comes.

My hemorrhage has come and it has gone, and in its wake a cleansing has taken place. The road back to me was a long one, paved by many losses, including financial, material, physical and at times spiritual. But in my recovery, my road was cleared, and a path illuminated.

My journey home to "self" demanded I go back to what once was so I could learn to accept what now is. You cannot heal cancer by treating an ear infection. You must first address the primary disease if the whole being is to be ultimately saved.

My prayer is Joe learns to listen more to his own thoughts, and develops the skill to observe the mind rather than judge it.

In those quiet moments the past is revealed.

With diligence it is possible to heal faulty programming and lay ground work for new self loving, self accepting and self reliable thoughts. But it takes practice, patience and a belief in ones self to get there...but when you have been taught to disown your self the entirety of your life, that job is a hell of a lot tougher than one might think....

But then again..Joe is no ordinary man...

Universal Truth

Where there is love, there can be no fear. There can be no war. There can be no hate.

Deepak Chopra has been quoted, "Love is being unable to hurt or be hurt".

The highest form of intelligence is knowing who we are. The most valuable knowledge is knowledge of thy self. If we do not know who we are, then who do we think we are?

The world is in a rush, but where is everyone going?

The world wants peace, but they chase something material.

Peace is a state of being; a spiritual state of being. So why do minds assume a thing, a piece of jewelry or, a home can bring them peace?

The key to happiness is in "being". It is in the silence of the consciousness. It is in the stillness of the mind. It is in the letting go of programmed thoughts.

My truth is your truth. At our core, we are all connected to the same life force that created the stars, the moon and the oceans. The same life force that designed sea horses, lions, and peacocks, created you. The same life force that churns the seas, and blankets the earth in warmth, created us all. Nothing separates us but illusions.

Profit, greed and lust for materialism has exploited the idea of separation between races, nations, and religions. But nothing, no war or natural disaster could ever destroy truth. Truth just is.

When we think of ourselves as separate from one another, we divide ourselves from the whole in our minds. In that divide, fear is born, anger is triggered, and peace is lost.

But when the mind begins to heal, the divide lessens, and an appreciation for humanity begins to blossom.

Not everyone is open to truth. Some people are blocked and are unable to embrace the concepts of unity. I leave them in the hands of my creator. For everyone else, who wants to be happy, and is open to learn from a soul who has actually found happiness, I write, I speak, I lead by example.

Love is in us all. When we connect to the fact that who we are is connected to God, and to the oceans, and to the mountains, and to the skies, it is impossible not to feel overwhelmed with joy.

What has been healed, is the divide that had us believing in separateness.

We are part of the whole. We are part of the earth, the skies, and one another.

When the divide of separateness begins to heal in our minds, so too does anxiety, depression, fear, anger and unnecessary guilt.

When we realize that happiness is an option for all, we begin to take less responsibility for others happiness, and begin enjoying our own a little more.

When we fully understand that it is only by way of example that we can ever hope of changing another, we learn to embody joy, by laughing more loudly, feeling more deeply, and loving more consciously.

The universal truth is, happiness is in us all. But first we must learn to have faith in this truth, and begin self reflecting, self contemplating, and self analyzing our own patterns of thoughts so that we can throw out what is of the world, and what is of God.

God says, " Be in the world, not of the world"......

Learning to Mother Ourselves

Who we believe we are psychologically, determines our fate.

Who we are, and where we are going, is rooted in "who we think we are".

Opinions of our selves, that were formed when we were children lay the ground work for what kind of adult we will become.

If I was told consistently, as well as treated as if I was loved, then my opinion of myself becomes a positive experience. If what has been reflected back into my psychological blueprint is love, then as life unfolded, my growing would have been well lubricated by the positivity that existed in my soul.

But, if instead I or you, were ignored, abandoned, verbally, emotionally,physically or sexually abused, what was reflected back to us, was devoid of love. When "no love" is reflected back into our impressionable psychological foundation, then who we are cannot be whole.

Love, authentic love, is the only ingredient that could ever lay a psychological foundation strong enough to sustain a life lived, with all its ups and downs, in a harmonious way.

What most people fail to realize with newborns is, that as their bones and skin are growing, so to is their mental image of themselves.

If a newborn perceives its environment as harsh due to parental neglect played out in a chaotic house that included lots of shouting, crying, and rough handling; a home that was never quiet, peaceful, or calm, the newborn begins laying down an impression of his/her environment that sends signals to the brain telling it that they are in danger. Stress glands get activated early on, which reinforces what the instincts of the child has already perceived from its environment through negative energy.

If children do not enter this world wrapped in peace, and embraced with love, they develop psychological impressions that hinder them for life. As adults, we wonder "why do I feel so negative? why do I always feel like something bad is going to happen? why can't I be happy?", and we rarely stop to wonder if we ever really were peaceful, or happy, or contented.

We all tend to make the mistake of thinking that newborns "know nothing". The notion is absurd. Infants know everything.

Newborns know more about their environments than the adults do who are sharing the space with them. If newborns had the cognitive ability to verbalize what they "felt", they could tell you whether or not their home was well or sick. They could tell you, just by the way an individual held them, if that person was peaceful or neurotic. They could tell you, merely by studying a face, whether or not that person was trustworthy or unworthy of trust.

What senses are more valuable than these?

As the newborn grows, ever supposed wise adults in their lives tell them, "You shouldn't think that-you shouldn't say that-you're going to hurt her feelings if you say that-go kiss Uncle Joe he misses you..." and so on,

We adults teach our children to disown what was God given, which is their 6th sense for the sake of conformity; for the sake of not having the opinionated kid; for the sake of wanting our child to be popular and well liked by teachers. What we reflect back to our children often times is so void of love and so riddled with fear, it is no wonder the world is run on Prozac.

The only cure to any disease, is love...But all love, must start with self love. If you love from a bridge in your mind that tells you you are only good enough if you love enough, then what you call love is unauthentic.

If you love from a perch in your mind that implies that your worth can only be measured by how worthy someone else tells you you are, then what you call love, is not love at all. It is a delusion of your own mind manifested by the blueprints that were laid in your mind as you pulled information from your environment as you grew.

Want to paddle out of this storm that has become the chaos in your life?

Then start by loving your self. Begin to lay new ground work by seeing your old programming for what it is; hogwash.

If you were not reflected love, then stand in a mirror and tell your self all the things you should have heard from your mother when you were a small child.

Repeat over and over "you are enough-you are good-you are smart-I love you-I will take care of you-I will never leave you".

In your own mind replace negative old self talk patterns with positive good ones purposefully. RAISE YOUR LEVEL OF AWARENESS and begin mothering your self the way you were supposed to be mothered as a child. Reflect all the love you missed out on back to you...

This is the route to joy.

The Addiction To Others

It is easy to spot addiction when it is an addiction to a "thing", like marijuana, cocaine, alcohol, or shopping. But what happens when what we are addicted are our feelings about other people?

It is possible to crave the attention, company and or approval of others.

It is possible for a mother to be addicted to pleasing her children.

It is possible for a man to be addicted to feeling like he owns his woman.

It is possible to be addicted to fearing what others think about you.

A dear client of mine and I were training just yesterday. She has every physical "thing" any woman could want to make her happy. She lives in a beautiful home adorned with crown molding, tapestries, and custom woodworking. In her closet, hangs designer bags, shoes and clothes. Her husband actually adores her, and tells her often how much it is he feels as he does. In fact, he loves her more today than the day he married her.

And yet, this beautiful, 170 pound woman, refuses to be happy.

As we spoke, and her heart spilled out with negative emotions, about herself, and her extended family, I felt moved by the spirit of God to ask, "So, darling if you lost 20 pounds, what would you complain about then? If you were thinner, and your family had less to point their critical fingers at, would you then be happy with all there is in your life to be happy about? If your clothes were labeled a size 10 rather than a 14, would that allow you to open your eyes and appreciate all of God's blessings in your life right here, and right now?"

She didn't know what to say.

With love in my heart I told my client that I believed that deep down, she was happy, but because she has been made to feel guilty all her life for the "things" she has, her wounded psyche, will not allow her to embrace the joy that comes from having the kind of life that she has.

If she embraces the joy, then her life really becomes that wonderful, and she might then have to let go of what she fears other people might think of her.

In her mind, if she stays overweight, then people won't be as envious of her and her lifestyle. So rather than be completely hated for having a wonderful husband and outrageous home, she sabotages her happiness because of her addiction to fearing what others think of her.

As long as she stays overweight, and has a battle to fight in her mind, then the anxiety that is showing up because of her fear of happiness, gets to go somewhere...

The problem is, because she never faces the real issue, the is staying stuck inside a huge circle of wrinkled loops of dysfunctional thought processes.

She doesn't stay overweight because she can't lose weight...she stays overweight for the sake of others.

She fears being the woman that has it all...including the house, the great guy, and the killer body...People hate that girl, and my client doesn't want to be her...or deal with the ugliness that comes from insecure others.

What she needs to see is her fear. What she needs to see is how she is losing her life day by day, to the insane need and desire to control what other people think of her...

It is her wanting to control her anxiety about her fear of being happy at the root, that is being manifested through her need to also control how and what others think of her...

The only way out of the circle is through surrender. She must surrender her truth. She must take ownership over her part in the dynamic and be willing to let those insecure negative others go. She must be willing to embrace the wonderful life her exceptional husband is trying desperately to give her. She must be willing to be as wonderful as she really is, in spite of how others might react to her if she were to no longer represent herself as the poor little fat girl, everyone must feel sorry for.

There is nothing sorry about my client. She is articulate, funny, empathetic, compassionate, hard working, successful, diligent, prosperous, kind, thoughtful, generous and attractive. But if she were to own all of her worth, the insecure, jealous, envious others she calls family, might talk about her more than they do now, behind her back. They might avoid her more than they do now, And oh my...they might not even like her at all.

In order to heal her life and live before she dies, she will have to learn to confront her addiction to others. She is addicted to controlling their opinion of her.

And until she is ready to face that head on, she will continue to fight the weight she cannot seem to lose...because if she loses that, she loses her idea of what it is that is preventing her from being completely happy.

It is a shame, that most people are more afraid of the light, than they are the darkness.....

Why We Love Who We Love

"I don't know why I keep attracting women who abuse me in my life. I try so hard to get these women to understand how much I love them, but they always end up either cheating on me, using me, or simply abusing me. Its horrible. They put me down, disregard my opinions, or worse, just ignore me. But I stay. I keep coming back. I keep showing up for more abuse. What's wrong with me?"

So often I have met clients who seem completely confused by their faulted relationships. They wonder how and why it is they can't seem to find suitable partners; ones that will appreciate them, or make them feel like a relationship is worthwhile.

They end one dysfunctional relationship and wind up in yet another. The package is a little different, but the insides are the same. So what is going on?

In life, we attract the kind of love we know most. The way we interpret love as children, is the way we will perceive love as adults. If love is something we were taught to chase after as children, then love will be something we believe we have to chase as adults. Love will not be something we believe is in us. We will believe that love must be gained through some act, or through some trial that has proven that we are worth being loved.

If we do not do our family of origin work, and learn to appreciate what our inner beliefs about love are, we will undoubtedly attract the same kind of "love energy" we experienced as children.

We love who we love, because of who and how we were loved as children.

If we do not learn to face how we were loved as children, we are surely doomed to repeat patterns we may not want to.

All love starts with self love.

Personal Boundaries

One of the sure fire ways to kill any new and budding relationship is to disrespect someone else's personal boundaries.

In many cases people in relationships don't even know what their personal boundaries are, which makes it quite difficult for their partner to respect something they don't even know exists.

No relationship can ever thrive unless the two people entering into the relationship "know who they are", and this includes knowing what their personal boundaries are. When people enter into relationships in a healthy way, there is a constant exchange of personal information between them. Blended between the lines of communication, are clues as to what one another's personal boundaries are. As dedicated partners, it is essential we pick up on these clues if fostering the relationship is our goal.

If your partner is feeling stressed at work, or has recently come out of a long term relationship, or is caring for a dying parent, their need for boundaries will be essential in order to help them not feel so overwhelmed. If the partner of someone who is going through something unusually stressful at the time, cannot respect the need for personal space, the relationship may implode.

Often times when one of the people in the relationship feels the need to pull away, this sparks insecurity in the other. This insecurity sends emotional shock waves through the other partner, and triggers their need to cling. This emotional clinging only adds more stress to the already stressed out partner. This violation of personal boundaries will trigger the need to withdraw from the relationship by the stressed partner, simply out of fear of being suffocated.

The best relationships are ones that are built on patience and trust.

When in a relationship it is as important to consider what our partners need as much as what we need. .

Honesty is always the best choice in any situation. If you are the partner that is feeling stressed and needs more space, then ask for it. If your partner loves and hears you, they will oblige and not feel intimidated by your needs. If you are the partner that is being asked to back off, understand that your partner has a need that they would like you to respect. If you love your partner, you will hold onto your own feelings, and give your partner all the space they need. If you cannot, and do not respect their need, it is possible you have problems respecting someone else's boundaries.

It is not long after personal boundaries are violated, that deeper problems begin to surface in the relationship. Unless their is complete respect for the two people involved, the relationship will ultimately fail.

Desperation and What It Really Means

There are people who regardless of how many times the person they care about tells them the relationship is over, hang on anyway. Rather than hear what the other person is saying, they refuse to accept the other persons reality and they cling instead. In their minds they have completely altered reality for the sake of their own fears and insecurities.

So why can't some people let go?

Some clear cut rules need to be applied to any relationship.

1.} The relationship must be fulfilling, uplifting and rewarding to both parties.

2.} The relationship should not engulf either party, but help enhance an already full life.

3.} The happiness, security, and contentment of one person should never hinge completely on the other in the relationship.

4.} Both parties should feel and believe they are on the same page in the relationship.

5.} People should recognize that fear is not part of a healthy relationship, so if you are with someone because you fear you will never find someone else, or you believe no one like him/her exists, you are holding on out of fear, which will only come off as desperate.

6.} Lying on any level is not permitted. If you are happy being with someone, say it. But if you need space or time, or are angry, disappointed or unhappy with your partner, if you love them, you will tell them.

7.} Love is not about fear, control, manipulation, resentment, or neediness. Love just is, and the best kind of love, is the love that allows you to let go.

8.} And when the relationship changes and or ends, if the love shared between the two people was real, then parting need not be dramatic. Instead there is a knowing that moves in, that gently urges the two people to let go of something that was very good for a place in time.

How you end a relationship says as much about you as how you spent your time in a relationship. No relationship is perfect, because no one person is perfect. But true authentic love is perfect....And although it defies what the ego based mindset of man suggests should be true, the truth is that the more perfect and true the love was, the more gentle your heart becomes when it is time to say good bye.

Do You Know What You Are Looking For?

Often times we hear the people in our lives complaining about their partners. Our friends complain about how unfeeling their husbands are, or about how irresponsible their boyfriends are with money. All of us have a friend or two that has even been physically, verbally or emotionally abused. And then there is the token friend, who has been cheated on over and over by the person she claims to love...

What the???

When speaking with clients, I often ask them, "Do you KNOW what you want?". Most often than not, they are left speechless for a moment or two, because the question has literally stunned them. One woman actually asked, "You mean I can choose what kind of man I date?"

Mama mia!

We are all captains of our own ship, and unless we spend ample time thinking about what kind of traits we would like to find in a potential partner, we are doomed to settle for what shows up. When we don't know what will satisfy our hunger, we will grab the first edible thing in sight. Desperate to be in a relationship of any kind, we cling, obsess and beg for validation in all the wrong places.

The Wright Brothers first had to see the airplane flying in their minds before they could find one in the sky. And so it is with us all. We owe it to God to know what we want to experience while we are on this planet. Otherwise how will He know what to send our way?


It is amazing to me how very little effort people put into trying to figure out what kind of relationship they believe would make them happy. We spend more time in line trying to rent a rug shampooer than we do contemplating partners.

I suggest my clients make lists on paper detailing what qualities they are looking for in a partner. There should be a 'yes' and an 'absolute no' column. It should be pondered through, and taken quite seriously. It should be looked at as your blueprint for the future.

List all the qualities you would put into a partner. Understand the difference between desperation and earnest want, because it is a tough thing when what you want shows up, and they don't want you.

When this happens, it is important to remember that finding someone who is looking for the exact you, is as equally important as finding the right equal for you.

Imagine how great you'll feel when you not only find what you are looking for, but you discover that the person you were looking for was also looking for you...

And when relationships show up, take inventory. If the person meets your criteria, and you meet theirs, prepare for magic to happen...

Can I get an Amen?

Healthy Love vs Enabling Love

I was recently asked if I thought true, authentic, real love was possible.

A reader of mine mentioned that my blogs and articles tend to imply that 'taking care' of others is always the wrong thing to do. She expressed confusion, because it was unclear to her why taking care of others is such a bad thing. She had been taught to be a caretaker since the age of three, when her father died and her mother took up to drinking.

"But I love my mother Lisa. Aren't I supposed to take care of her? Aren't I supposed to worry about her? She is all alone, and she drinks all the time. There is no way she could take care of herself?"

Sigh...sigh...sigh...

Life is not so cut and dry, and never is it completely black and white. Of course it is natural and good to take care of the ones we love, but when that caring becomes enabling, then it has crossed the line.

Self reliance requires that each of us born learn to care for ourselves as completely as possible. When we learn to take care of our own needs financially, mentally, and emotionally, we free the people up in our lives to be who they were born to be. When instead, we lean on, whine to, drain, and put the ones who love us in a position that involves them doing things for us we can do for ourselves, we have crossed the bridge into the forbidden zone.

This woman has no memory of not worrying about her mother. So what then has become of her own view of the world, and of her self? How has the experience of constant worrying about someone she loves, cost her as an adult? How can she know the needs or wants of her own spirit, if when she has had to worry so intensely about a mother who was so ill?

Enabling is not always so easy to spot. It is often the most difficult quality to see in ourselves and in others....

When in relationships, it is essential that each person involved know and respect their own needs, boundaries, and self.

When relationships are unbalanced, individuals can often unknowingly deny parts of themselves for the sake of maintaining peace in the relationship. For this woman, she forgoes confronting her mothers addiction for many reasons. She is uncomfortable confronting the drinking, because it may lead to an argument, which may lead to emotional distance between them, which may lead to guilt in her for upsetting the mother she views as a victim of life's uncertainty.

Somewhere in this young woman's mind, she taught herself to shut off or deny her own desires so that she could continue enabling her mother. Although this young woman will say she loves her mother { and surely she does } what she fails to recognize is that all she has accomplished for not expecting her mother to learn to deal with being alone has helped her stay stuck.


When we are in relationships that raise red flags that we ignore, we are enabling. When we deny what we know is true, we are enabling. When we do for others what they can do for themselves, we are enabling. When we allow people to push us past our boundaries, we are enabling. And when we don't learn to confront the things we know we should, we actively participate in the stalling of our own lives.

It is healthy to say "No", and "I have had enough", if this is your truth. It is healthy to walk away from a relationship you feel drains you, even if no one else you know understands why you feel the way you do. It is healthy to expect the alcoholics in our lives to get better, and to distance ourselves from them if they don't start taking care of themselves. It is healthy to ask for clarity from another person, if you need it. And if the people you are asking clarity from care for you, they will offer it to you rather than try to make you feel guilty or less than for asking....

And yes, I do believe in real, true, and authentic love. But I believe you must become it, before you can experience it in a relationship.