Depression--Childhood--Alcoholism and The Link To The Emotional Self

Depression seems like the boogie man.

At any time of the day one can turn on the television or radio and inevitably come across an advertisement spouting the symptoms of depression, all while being lead to believe that the medication being described is just the tonic one needs to rid their life forever of the dark being that lives in the closet of their mind.

I have suffered from depression and have lived to tell the tale of it.  And what I learned about depression helped me heal in ways that I could never have known.  Perhaps the greatest lesson of all was found in my ability to allow my Self the permission to feel depressed, rather than beat my Self up for feeling depressed.

I was diagnosed with depression thirteen years ago while going through a horrific emotional divorce.  Approximately five years before my divorce, a doctor of mine prescribed me an anti-depressant to help me relax.  Asthma at the time, was beginning to snuff life out of me.

I found that the medication prescribed made me feel drunk. While it did slow my central nervous system down, I discovered that instead of obsessing about how I could get the people in my life to change, as well as love and accept me for who I was, I was compulsively worrying about how unstable I felt on my feet.  I was afraid to drive, give the kids a bath, or even walk outside to greet my neighbor.

I was fortunate.  I found a therapist to work with during my divorce who helped me debunk the mysteries of depression and encouraged me to understand that depression was anger that was turned inward.  In his opinion, depression was an appropriate response for someone like myself who was severely codependent and was raised by two adult children of alcoholics, and who was suddenly coming face to face with every single fear she had ever hidden within her being as the result of a divorce.

His enlightened understanding of the unknowing and frightened creature I was, set me on a journey to unravel the mysteries of me, and that included my boogie man called depression.

On my journey I learned to surrender and accept that my brain--for whatever reason was depressed.  That alone helped set me free in innumerable ways.  Guilt for being depressed only adds to the emotional bondage I was experiencing.  Letting go helped ease the knots that were tugging at my spirits neck.

Turns out that acceptance was the key.  Not only did I need to learn how to allow myself to feel sad, I needed to learn how to accept that my marriage was falling apart, that it had in fact failed, that I did feel like a tremendous failure, and that yes--I was going to have to face the world alone and take my three small children on a journey into the unknown, whether I was happy or depressed about it.

The deeper I learned to accept my fears, the lighter my being seemed to become.  With each new level of acceptance came another door I needed to unlock from within.

Through the power of journaling, my spirit lead me on paths I had never dared stray onto before I learned to love myself enough to accept that I had a right to feel depressed.  As time went on and my marriage continued to nose dive, along with the help of my therapist, I discovered that the true root cause of my depression was the result of being raised by two adult children of alcoholics.

My parents didn't know how to connect on an emotional level to themselves, one another, or their children.  My parents were typical ACoA's in that they were overly critical, judgmental, unrealistic, and perfectionistic.  Feelings of sadness? Expressions of upset? Crying? These were emotions that were unacceptable in our home.

Long ago I learned to turn my feelings off.  Because I was raised in a home that made me feel like I was living with a permanent gag order in place, even laughing out loud was a chancy form of expression.  Much like a hospital operating room, my home felt cold, quiet, and sterile.  There seemed to be no room for life, for love, for hugs or kisses. Feelings were simply ignored.

As my exploration of Self forged on, I learned to understand how invaluable 'feeling' our feelings are.  In time, and once I allowed myself to throw a number of pity parties and felt as if my crying was through, I also learned that I had the power to change my emotional states anytime I wanted.  All I had to do was accept that, yes something in my life might actually suck in any particular moment, but I didn't have to 'attach' to that negative emotion.  I could choose to be grateful for my life, my ability to walk, my eyesight, my children, for the sky, the moon, the ocean, for birds and for air  instead.  I could learn to allow my Self to have faith that eventually whatever was happening in the moment, would pass, and that soon, one day my life would absolutely improve.

I found that as my allowing of Self, and especially the not so wonderful parts of my past expanded, my depression lifted.  In time my brain began firing neurons it hadn't in a very long time.  As my appreciation for my emotional being increased and my power of my emotions elevated, my brain began producing neurotransmitters in amounts it hadn't ever in my life.

My Self discoveries also taught me another important lesson about the people I loved.  I learned that it was just as important to accept other people's feelings of anger, sadness, loss and upset too, and that included my children.

Like many parents I hated to see my children unhappy.  And often when I noticed that one of my children were not as happy as I would have liked, I rushed in and did what I could to hush their blues away.  I never realized that in many ways I was reinforcing the very conditioning that had taught me to fear my own feelings the way I did as a child.

With much awareness I learned to not step in so often when one of my children became upset.  I decided to instead allow my children to feel their emotions and then spoke to them in a way that gave them permission to feel the negative emotion, and then eventually, when their emotions calmed down, I helped them move themselves up the emotional scale.  It was crucial that I teach my children to embrace their fears rather than program them to believe that negative emotions were wrong.  I wanted my children to learn that unhappiness was just as valuable as happiness, and that emotions were just indicators that they were either in a good place, with good people surrounding them, or not.

A humbling pill for me to swallow came the moment I realized that my children's happiness fueled my egoism.  When I was able to take away my children's unhappiness, the mommy in me felt needed and worthy.  I eventually learned to realize that life wasn't meant to be about needing to be validated by a parent, a spouse or a child.  True happiness can only come from learning to accept the Self, even if that Self happens not to be so happy  go lucky in every moment of every day.  And especially if that Self can't make everyone she loves so happy all the time either.

Divorce and Adult Children of Alcoholics--The Paradox

The life of the adult child of an alcoholic as well as for the alcoholic or any being who believes they are powerless over their current states of mind, are all living a paradox.

It is right to presume that all beings created--desire to be loved, accepted, and validated for the essence of who they are.  And yet in spite of this yearning to be loved, ACoA's, alcoholics, addicts and the victims of abuse deny themselves the love they yearn.

The greatest dis-ease of man today is that man does not love self--the self that is separate from his illusion of ego.

When beings identify their worth by physical things found in the so called physical reality, man--through thought separates himself from the very thing he yearns for.

It is not possible to find the love a being searches for in a car, a home, a dress size, a business, or a bank account.  It is not possible to find acceptance when that acceptance is being judged by some kind of ruler.

Acceptance just is--no matter what.

The society we live in is a projection.  This projection is the result of many, many past generations, and is representative of a collective mass consciousness.

That fact however, does not make the projection real and or valid.

If we are ever to heal from the wounds created by alcoholism, emotional abuse, and or physical/sexual abuse, we must come to understand that within us lies the power to change our realities.

If I as a being define myself by my past and label myself a victim, my future experience will only help reinforce that belief.  My past then, which was created by my caretakers, is responsible for my future realities, and furthermore is the result of others projections, which unless I learn to gently confront, will be the blueprint for the remainder of my life.

So many ACoA's and victims of others abuse divorce in life because their inner programming has taught them to believe that they are unworthy of love.

We ACoA's then go out into the world and attract partners who are unable to love.  Once our delusional fairy tale denial based infatuation falls apart, and we are left with a familiar empty hearted feeling, we then blame our partners for not loving us enough--and eventually begin playing that "you don't love me" drama out in our marriages.  Because we have not learned to confront our 'victim blueprint', we inevitably find ourselves feeling 'victimized' by our partners--whether this is a reality or not.  We cannot help but project what we believe about self.

We ACoA's claim we just want to be accepted, and validated, and loved for who we are--but until we are willing to let go of our 'victim woe is me' identity, and are able to integrate a sense of acceptance from within that cohesively unites our mind-body-and soul--our lives will continue to be a choppy journey full of unsatisfying and delusional projections.

Get S-I-L-E-N-T and L-I-S-T-E-N to Self.

YOU are ENOUGH...

Namaste...

Adult Children of Alcoholics--This Blog Is For You

By far, one of the greatest blogs I have ever come across is this one;

http://adultchildrenaca.blogspot.com/search/label/Love%20And%20Fear

If you are struggling with the crippling craziness of alcoholism, whether you are the victim of your parents, your spouses, your children's or your friends denial--this blog is a great resource.

Check out the right side of the blog!  Its full of great links!  Whatever your personal issue might be, you will undoubtedly find answers there!

Take action!

Own your right to feel better NOW!

Its all about people helping people...

Namaste...

Love or Fear

Life was intended to be simple.

Man was created by source, call it God, Allah, Mohammed, Creator--call this source whatever you like.  Ones salutation is never as important as the sum the who.

If our world's most elite physicists all agree, and they do--and all that exists, does so by nature of an intelligent force, then at a minimum all people everywhere can agree that whatever the source that created you, also created me, as well as every star system, ocean, and insect that has ever lived and died.

At man's most basic nature, he is loving.  Each man born entered into this time space reality desiring one thing--Love.  Newborns do not enter this world fear based.  Fear is a wrinkle in ones own emotional vibration, and it is learned.  It is not man's truest nature.

While political leaders toy with ideas of WWlll in the Middle East, those of us who are considered to be enlightened, awakened, and of pure intents for ourselves, others and our worlds, must do what we can to see past the illusions of doom.

War is nothing more than fear.  When one man needs to overpower the other, fear of a loss of freedom--which can be traced back to a fear of a lack of a love vibration is at its core.

Any man that takes up arms against another, is in fear of a loss of something, whether that something be power, money, or freedom or life.

If man were able to remember his pure and divine nature, and if man were able to move beyond the illusions of separateness from other men, all wars would cease.

But in order to do such a thing, man must first learn to stop the war within.

Until man recognizes his own true nature, and begins to spend more time in silent communion with his own soul, and does so by turning away from streamlined propaganda that does little more than brainwash him into forgetting that fear is not his true nature, war will continue to ensue.

For those enlightened enough to see through the eyes of creator, don't ever forget who you truly are.

You are love.

Turn away from the fear that is broadcasted through television, radio, and avoid getting sucked into controversies on facebook, and other social media outlets.

Tap into the abundance that abounds about you, like the sun, the grass, the stars, and the oceans.

Remember EVERYTHING IS ALIVE, and everything that is alive and in perfect harmony with creator, recognizes you.

In the days ahead, and as humanity moves into its next shift, remember to honor you.

You dear brother and sister, are enough.  It is our job to stay as connected to the vibration of love, regardless of what is happening in our environment for as long and as purely as we can.  When we maintain vibrations of love, by the divine principles of the LOA we draw to us, more to love.

Namaste...

Molding Your Life In Spite of Once Being A Victim

If your thoughts were money you kept in two separate bank accounts, and one account was called Self Love and had a 100% interest rate, and the other was called Self Hate, and had a 0% interest rate, which account would you think you needed to invest in?

The bigger question is, which account are you investing in?

Reality does not exist within our five senses.  Reality has nothing to do with matter--in fact matter does not exist.

Scientists can prove that atoms are comprised mostly of space.  This then means--all that we 'think' we are--is space.  Matter then as we--in our ignorance of the truest nature of the universe--is an illusion.

What then is real?

Reality is moldable and is shaped by intent.  Our thoughts create the matrix of that which we deem as reality.

If I proclaim myself as a 'victim' of another's abuse, I am in fact claiming the framework that will be the blueprint for a future reality I am creating in my Now.

Unless I am willing to restructure my perceptions of self--and accept that even my victimhood in the simplest forms--is an illusion (for at the core of every human beings lies the ability to think any thought we desire by the power of free will) my future reality will continue to be molded by ill thoughts.

What is real--is anything YOU as the being believes is real, good or bad.

When a being changes the way he/she looks at things, the things he/she looks at changes.

This happens by way of restructuring ones own individual perceptions.

But when great time, and thus practice has been evoked in ones own ill ideas about a lack of self worth, or money or love, much momentum has accrued within the vibration of the being who has suffered greatly at the hands of those more powerful than he/she, at a time when that being was powerless--for example; we children and grandchildren of alcoholics.

Although every being born possesses within its essence the language of self love--many beings who have been victimized as children, have been separated from the vibration or frequency of love.  Wounded children  have not been taught that at any time they can begin to get reacquainted with that language of love once more, and slowly travel towards a more congruent relationship with Self, and eventually even mold the realities they experience as they go along.

Self hate is a language.  It is a language that requires no words. It is a language that is experienced through emotion and penetrates into every cell of the human body.  It is a language that penetrates space and time.  Hate is a vibration.  People of different skins, religions, and countries of origin know it--feel it--and most often need no words to acknowledge its existence.

Although self hate is absorbable, it too is an illusion, if beings choose (free will) to change the way they look at hate.

Hate can be ejected, eradicated, and engulfed entirely.

Much like one small lit candle has the ability to add light to a dark room, the vibration of love, however small has the miraculous ability to counter fear, despair and hate.

In order to begin learning the language of self love;

One must desire to change.

One must commit to change.

One must comprehend the process.

One must be patient with self.

One must practice  the vibration of love in all things.

One must honor the practice of self love.

If your thoughts were money you kept in two separate bank accounts, and one account was called Self Love and had a 100% interest rate, and the other was called Self Hate, and had a 0% interest rate, which account would you think you needed to invest in?

The bigger question is, which account are you investing in?

Earth is a free will zone, and you get to choose your reality.

Facing Death

For those of you who fear death--know this;  Death is healing, for there is life on the other side.

Humans, and our limited conceptions about life cause unnecessary fear, drama and concern around death.

Know that in death, pain is released, beings are transformed, and life goes on.

Namaste...

Winning At Life; How To Play The Real Game of Life

Whilst many beings here upon this planet, in addition to those who have already exited this time space reality, believe they are victims of their circumstances, this of course is a lie--a complete and utter fable; a fairy tale designed to keep the masses of beings in states of confusion.

The formula that is required to win at this game called--LIFE is a simple one, and its requirements are few.  Within each being is the key to happiness, love, contentment and bliss.  While it may be difficult for the average self loathing being to believe in something as fancy as this idea--it is nonetheless the absolute truth.

In order to create a more positive now, and a more abundant and peaceful future--all one must do is redefine the past.

When a being commands 'creativity' and through the ability to imagine, begins to redesign old patterns of perceptions that are associated with wounds of the past, a being has essentially accessed the keys to creation itself.

If a man believes he is unworthy, and is unable to find work that is able to support him (because his perceptions of his past failures have caused him to define himself as a failure)--the man--in his now--may blame the economy--his parents--or his past for his poverty.

In truth--because the man has allowed his past perceptions to define him--he can only--by the natural laws of the universe--draw to him--the equivalent of his beliefs.

In the drawing to himself the very circumstances he claims to not want--he will then falsely presume his presumptions about his boss--his past--and or the economy are to blame.

Lost in the mass illusion so many beings fall prey to--this man will fail to see the truth.

He will fail to see--that his lack of love and faith in himself--created feelings of lack within--that drew to him the equivalent material circumstances he claims to wish to avoid.

And so the cycle of dissatisfaction continues.

To win at this game called life--all one must do--is begin to reframe what one believes and feels about ones past--as well as to redefine what ones own beliefs about self are.

By loving self, regardless of what is occurring in ones own physical world, one begins to mold ones own world through the movement of energy, that is brought about through the ability to first create ones desired reality through the power of creative visualization.

The ability to create the lives we desire is found--in redefining our pasts.  By redefining our pasts through the power of our minds, we claim victory over  self defeating beliefs that once held us bound to illusions of victimhood.

Wake up and create your future, by redefining your past.

Namaste...

ACoA: Redefine The Forces That Rule You

If you are able to acknowledge that you are an ACoA, or GCoA, chances are great that you have been wounded.

It is also highly likely that you have experienced a great separation from Self, and this my brother and sisters, is the greatest wound of all.

Each of us is on the same journey, although most of mankind is unaware of this universal truth.  Every man wants peace, joy, freedom, acceptance, abundance and especially to be loved.

Because humans are born into closed family systems, we are not taught to question the very norms and rules we have been programmed to obey.  We simply obey, and become part of the disease that slowly peels us away from Self.

As a result of being born into dysfunction, whether there is alcohol present in the home or not, or whether we as innocent beings were exposed to abusers of others types, the end result is the same.

Denied the love we needed to be able to experience in order to stay connected to our sense of worth, we innocent beings became 'other directed' and sadly slipped away from our divine essence.

We have been fed many lies in our lifetimes, and perhaps one of the greatest lies of all is the illusion that man is not connected to all that is and to all others as well.

Because our family of origins ideas about how the world worked was limited, we were also taught to believe in the illusion of time and space.

There is no such thing as time...Time does not pass, nor is there any such thing as space.  Nothingness does not exist.

Between every being and every other piece of matter in 'space' is energy, a field of electrons, neutrons and protons that unifies us all.  You interact with my energy field, and I interact with yours, and so it is with every other human being, bird, dog, flower, ocean, moon and star.

There is no such thing as separation--whether one is considering his/her separation from another being or one is pondering a separation from Self.

The concept of being separated from Self is an illusion.  It is only possible to deny the existence of Self, and in so doing, dishonor Self.  It is not possible however to separate, as one might consider the idea of separation--from Self, just as it is not possible to separate ones DNA from their deceased mothers DNA.

As wounded children, we did not have the ability or the rights to question the forces that ruled us.  But as adults, we get to redefine the forces that rule our consciousness.

It is right and it is good for man to own his own mind, and to think about thoughts that reacquaint him with his own Self.  Because separation of man is an illusion; an ill force created to ensure man stayed locked in battle against other men, and deeper--to ensure man himself hated the man himself in order to assure fear was an ever present dynamic within the man, which ultimately guaranteed he was controllable, in the end, through the divine ability to evolve ones own consciousness, man will ultimately learn he is one with all men, and all that is.

To the wounded children everywhere--redefine the forces that rule you!

It is your birthright to evolve your consciousness, and to remember your true nature.

Namaste...

Coherence: Thoughts Create Our Realities

Along my healing journey, one understanding has rung true to me in an incredible way, more than so many others.

As if I have won the emotional lottery, this truth I hold and share with as many as I possible can and is an eternal understanding I am 'one' with.

Nothing truer on this planet exists than this; our thoughts, and the feelings brought upon by the thoughts we think, mold our realities.

We are true alchemists, whether we consciously acknowledge it or not, and the time is now, that we--the wounded children of alcoholics, abusers, narcissistic, perfectionistic, ignorant, self absorbed and alike, begin using our feelings for our own good.

Once we were but leaves caught up in the storms our caretakers brew.  But now, as adults we get to 'think'.  As adults we get to challenge the ways in which we have been raised, and have the ability to change the course of our destiny by invoking our right and ability to feel about self the way we choose.

In order to become masters of our own destinies, it is crucial you learn to invoke feelings of coherence within your being.  Your feelings about self, must match the thoughts or the visualizing you do in your mind.  Your feelings act like blueprints upon the subconscious mind, which is why when you felt badly about self, your life sucked.

We have been conditioned and programmed to believe that our outer worlds were responsible for our crappy inner worlds.  But that is the illusion society and our families of origin, and even some of our religions have used against us for centuries.

Once we did not know we were being programmed to loathe self, and as a result ill thoughts about our own selves were creating sick emotions within our beings and thus blueprinting us all for lives full of chaos.

But today, here and now, in this miraculous moment your consciousness has the chance to expand within itself.  Right here and right now you get to begin to comprehend how the mind, soul and body truly functions.

The longer you think and create thoughts about being a victim, the more negative emotions and feelings you also create for the blueprint you are mapping for your subconscious mind.

The moment you decide to take command over your thoughts, is the moment you begin to take control over your life.  In order to achieve higher consciousness and enlightenment your being will need to achieve a cohesive state.  It is not possible to be happy, and to possess a healthy body if the mind is full of fear, doubt, anger, resentment, jealousy or deceit.  If one is to be harmonious during this lifetime, one must first imagine how one wants to feel, and then create feelings like the ones desired within.  As the feelings get impressed upon the subconscious mind, by the natural laws of the universe more things in ones environment begin to get noticed as well as attracted to you.

Wounded children, it is time.  Let go of what has been and begin honoring your core truth.  Regardless of what has been, you are enough.  Know that in your heart.  Ponder upon it.  Let no man put you under.  Turn from those who do not support you--even if that means spending great time alone.  It is far easier to integrate on ones own terms anyway.

In time, and especially as we enter into what many consider a new age, your life will transform.

Use your mind for your own greater good.

Claim your mind for your self.

Resist the programming and the fear that society bombards reality with, and think thoughts that only uplift your inner self.

Namaste.

Tyranny of the ACoA

The greatest tyranny of all, is when a being has had their consciousness manipulated psychologically through the specific reality defined.

When you are the ACoA or the GCoA your reality is defined by denial.

When a being's reality is denied--and boundaries do not exist--and when souls are being brutally abused--and minds are being twisted in order to enable the alcoholic or the insane rules defined by the alcoholic--we the innocent beings born into these circumstances do not even realize our consciousness has been manipulated.

We--the innocent beings born into these codependent dysfunctional, bizarre circumstances--often times do not even understand how sick our realities are--nor do we even comprehend there is a better way.

Fear is the emotional tool used to manipulate not only ACoA and GCoA--but all men and women and children everywhere.

Fear of not being enough, not being smart enough, thin enough, rich enough, popular enough, loved enough, sexy enough, fear of aging, of dying, of losing our mojo, of not appearing attractive to the opposite sex, fear of what others think and etc---are the ways in which society has turned most of us into consumers who overeat, develop depression, heart disease, anxiety, cancer, multiple sclerosis, who have affairs, steal, lie, murder, drink and drive, rely on alcohol and other drugs--who are ultimately unaware their consciousnesses have been manipulated by the reality defined.

Until the mind of man learns to let go of the illusions of 'not enough' and begins to comprehend on his deepest psychological level--that there is no lack in our world--anywhere--unless the man himself chooses to fall into the illusion of lack--and in turn gives his attention to ideas of lack--he will never be free.

We the ACoA who have come to understand there was something wrong with the reality defined by our families was ill--wrong--dysfunctional and alike--are the lucky ones.

Because we learned to think higher, and because we chose to call upon our free will...and we in turn learned to connect to a higher realm of consciousness than the one that was defined prior for us--we are freer than most others.

Because we are unafraid to go where most mens minds never go--we ultimately seek within--and discover that we were enough all along...and that in truth--there is nothing to fear--ever.

Life was meant to be joyous--and only when our eyes are tuned to lack--does darkness have any chance of winning out.

You and me--we swallow up e-v-i-l--when we learn to l-i-v-e.

Challenge the reality that has been defined by you, not only by your family of origin...but by the society, religion and culture you were summoned to.

Live your life, fearlessly...and watch miracles show up around every corner.

You are a warrior and love is your birthright.  Love you--right here and right now...no matter what.

See the good in what most unaware beings see as bad...Focus upon what is harmonious in this world...like plants, the heavens, and the sea...

Miracles are all around you--wake up.

Namaste...