Yesterday, in the early afternoon, a man that I have known since I was a little girl committed suicide. Fed up with his marital problems, and feeling as if life were no longer worth living, he put a gun to his head. As the police arrived outside his home, he pulled the trigger.
This man would be my brother in law. He and my sister were married for twenty years. Together they have a son and a daughter. One is a teenager and one is barely a teen.
When I heard the news, sadness overwhelmed me, not only for him, my sister, my niece, my nephew, myself, but for all of humanity as well. It is a sad reflection of how poorly man has been taught to think when man decides his life is no longer worth living; when man has been conditioned to think he is nothing without something or someone other than himself; when man has lost or worse has never developed the divine connection he has to all things, and to the knowing that all that is, he is, and all he is, is also all that is.
My brother in law believed he was ineffective at life. He believed that without my sister he was nothing. What he believed created tremendous negative emotion within him, which only attracted to it more negative thoughts and compounded the negative emotions building up within his body. Yesterday the scales tipped, and the negative sadly gobbled up any residual hope or belief in anything worth living for.
This is not over. The sadness that was in him, is now here in this time space reality we all share. His children now feel it. My sister is now absorbed by it. His parents, his sister, her husband and their children, me, my children...we and many many more, now get to experience a little of what John had been feeling.
The key for me during this time as an enlightened being, will be to practice being an allower.
And although my heart wants to crumble beneath the reality of this all, I know my purpose will be one who is steadfast to eternal truth.
We are all responsible for how we think, but we all must also lift others up when we can, especially when they can no longer walk because their burdens are so heavy.
May you all learn to love yourselves in ways as deep as oceans. And may mankind come into the knowing that what we do effects other people in ways we may never comprehend both for the good as well as for the bad....
Rest in Peace John...and may your now unburdened energy join the eternal energies of all souls who have past on before you...and may you know now, what you didn't know yesterday morning...
Lisa
Saturday, October 1, 2011
5 comments:
Thank you for visiting my site which was created to help heal adult children of alcoholics, codependents, those suffering from codependency issues, as well as all beings suffering from low self esteem, and who seek validation from outside rather from within.
Know--you are enough!
Lisa A. Romano
healingselfesteem@gmail.com
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Very, very well-said. Too often, in acutely traumatic situations, we speak or write impulsively from places within us that are hurt, afraid, or angry. Clearly you have risen above this. Have no doubt that you will be exactly what those around you need right now. I have been here where you are, and it is EASY to succumb to rage or disapproval, for example, wondering how someone like your brother-in-law could do such a selfish thing. That's not it at all, and you see that. Others will need you to guide them away from such temptation to enlightement, something you seem very well-equipped to do.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck and peace to you. You and yours are in the prayers of all who read your post (myself included), I'm sure.
I came across your blog by 'chance.' But it only reinforced that there really are no accidents. I hope some of my comments will provide you with a bit of relief now, and hope for the deeper healing process that you and your family with undergo.
ReplyDeleteAn immediate family member commited suicide 18 years ago. The first month was incredibly difficult and filled with a kind of grief and pain I have never since experienced. The first 6 months, you begin to put back the pieces with a kind of healing that allows you to be in the world, but not necessarily of it. You'll know what I mean as you go through it. It's along this point that you realize that not all the people in your or your family's life have the ability or willingness to fully support you. They don't understand the pain or the process. Forgive them quickly. They really don't know how hurtful it feels; and they can't understand how strong you will become. And out of all of this you will find even more wonderful, caring and truly kind folks. They will give you a great reason to let those go who can't understand and they will want to spend time with you; and you with them. I think this is become some people couldn't handle the thought of knowing someone with a person in their life who had suicided. That was an eye-opener. Simply wish them well if it does happen; I will pray for you that it doesn't.
Each month and each year will become easier; and the grief that is now overpowering WILL fade.
May you, your sister and her and your family find the best in each other during this time, and into the future.
To E R St. James, and Julia Hidy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your support. These past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions. It is difficult to sleep, as I find that as my mind begins to relax, it finds imagined visions of John in his final moments, alone, frightened, desperate, and worst of all hopeless.
I remind myself that John's energy has found peace...at least that is what I want to believe...
It is good to know others understand.
You took the time to write heartfelt responses, and for that I thank you..
Lisa A. Romano
I just came across your post and am so sorry of your loss. I am still reeling about my brother in laws suicide 3 years ago. He was my wife's younger brother. My young sons and daughter absolutely adored their uncle as well as my other nieces and nephews did. My wife has another younger brother and sister who are both married and recently both became new parents. It saddens all of us these new little miracles never will be to meet their late uncle.
ReplyDeleteMy brother in law was 37 when he took his life and never married or dated too much because he thought he was unattractive and worthless even though he was educated and had a great career. My father in law had a lot to do with my brother in laws depression. I hate to point the finger at him though he singled out my brother in law with beatings and mental torment all his life. My wife and her other sibling never endured any abuse from their dad at all, just their brother. My brother in law was always there to help anybody anytime, he just didn't let anybody help him. My mother in law thanks me and her children for her grand children. Without them she would struggle with the loss of her eldest son. My father in law is a loving dad to his other children and especially his grandchildren though I can't forgive him of my brother in law's passing.
Dear Anonymous,
DeleteMany thanks for writing to me about your brother in law. It is a sad situation, especially to know your brother in law never felt loved by his natural father.
An important dynamin for you to understand and hopefully pass along to those who are open to the message in your family is--Number one--your brother in law sought death because he sought peace...and once he passed over, peace is what he found. So be comforted by knowing that your brother in law sought integration for his mind body and soul, and sometimes due to circumstances on earth--we cannot find that integration here...it would have taken much soulful recovery for your brother in law on this planet to heal the wounds that had been caused in childhood...I too contemplated suicide when I was much younger...so I understand fully why a soul might consider such a ghastly act...If you are interested I write about my experiences with childhood trauma and how I healed in my book The Road Back To Me--it might help you all to understand what 'he' felt....
Number 2--if your family does not let go of their grief--you will all unknowingly and unconsciously infect the young children with this 'fog' they will be unable to name. If the adults in the family are unable to reach a state of joy or acceptance, then the children will forever 'feel' like something is wrong--and worse they will be unable to name that which is making them feel like they are walking around with a dark cloud over their heads...
So consider grief counseling--or consider deciding to be happy again--because that is what your brother in law would want anyway.
Your resentment for your father in law is justified..but karma will have its way--so let the universe handle that situation for you.
Your job is to be happy no matter what--and to teach your children how to be strong and to be happy under all and every condition--even when someone they love does something they wish they had not.
A true mark of Soul Mastery--is learning to not allow ones happiness to be conditional.
You have children that need to know how to be happy in a world they cannot control.
The only thing they can control--is their perceptions.
If you can soften your perceptions surrounding your brother in laws suicide--then you can teach your children how to mold the very energy of their own lives...and what could be a better life lesson than that...
Your brother in law is not gone..he has changed form...and deeper--he has never left you.
If you could hear him he would have one request from the spiritual world and that would be--to be happy...
Namaste...and thank you for reading and appreciating my website...
Fear not...you will see him again one day...
Lisa A. Romano