Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Disconnected Self

So many of us seem to be searching for something, but what? At the end of the day, when you close your eyes can you feel peace?  Can you feel joy? Can you feel as if you are satisfied with your life?

All to often, most of us feel as if we are missing something, although we can not name it.  If we are not frantic with worry, or excited at all times, many of us become bored.  Our minds so accustomed to the search, seem to mistake boredom for something that which may be so much more.

Most of us were taught to worry.  As children we worried what the neighbors would think, or what the teachers would say.  We worried about the bullies at school, or about getting good grades.  We were conditioned to worry about what others thought rather than what we thought. The point is we were taught to worry.

Our brains are like computers.  Teach a brain to worry and it will worry even when there is nothing to worry about.  A brain will create an idea out of nothing simply to continue doing what it was taught to do, which is worry.

All of us need to wonder whether we worry because there is something to worry about, or do we worry because we were conditioned to do so.  What your mind does, it does because it has been taught to do so.  Until your awareness of self grows, you can not know why your mind does what it does.

I worried for all of the reasons I mentioned above.  

Because I was born to a mother with a fractured sense of self, she could not help me stay connected to my divine truth.  My divine truth as is your divine truth, is that at your core you are perfect and created by god.  Just as trees, and rivers are a part of this universe, so am I and so are you.  Just as a tree is born and a tree dies, so will you and I.

While in my mothers womb, my being floated in divinity.  Living within my mothers womb, blanketed by all that is good, I knew my truth.  The act of being born, and becoming disconnected from my mothers womb, severed me.  Once my being needed to rely on that of the material world, the connection to my self was lost.

Being born requires that newborns rely completely on their caretakers.  If our caretakers do not know their own truth, they can not possibly help us know our own.  Most of us discover the truth along the path of life, through painful and excruciating experiences.

We all needed to be mirrored.  We all needed to have our goodness reflected back to us by people we knew truly loved us.  When we are not seen by others, it becomes impossible for us to see ourselves.  We learn to do what others do.  We worry, we lie, we obsess, we deny, we manipulate, we hide, we drink, we eat, and we make complete messes of our lives.

Pain is good because it forces the psyche to look at what is causing the discomfort.  Without pain in our lives, why would we need to change?  Without pain, there would be no need to look further  into our own hearts or minds.  A mind that does not know pain, is a mind that may be blind to the self.  The love of self is crucial in order to live a life worth living.  To not love the self, is to not know the experience of joy.  

Many of us were taught to disconnect from our self in order not to upset the apple carts.  This was wrong.  Instead we should have been taught to shake the damn apples from the trees if we had to.  Fear of upsetting others was programmed into us.  It was not our fault. But as adults, we are called to know our minds, to connect with our self, and to give glory to our spirits.