The world is at its window, peering at hell.
Haiti has been struck by unimaginable horror. Thousands of children left orphaned, broken, starving, and full of fear, walk the streets they once played on, unfairly touched by the unpredictability that is life.
Like leaves that have found themselves lying on the ground once a storm has plucked them from its branches, the dead of Haiti splatter the earth.
Homes once filled with sounds of laughter, are no more. The smell of death is the air. The rays of the sun, illuminate the horror that has knocked on Haiti's door.
Beyond the death and destruction, there is a mighty force which is hard to see, yet like the weary sun settling in the horizon, it is there nonetheless.
There and beyond the earth that belongs to Haiti, are angels rising to the battle cries. From doctors to firemen, to pilots to clergy, hero's are responding.
In these very worst of times, the world is simultaneously witnessing many miracles.
When Haiti cried, I am proud to say my fellow man responded.
Thank you to all of you, who took part in the worlds effort to help facilitate the healing of Haiti in anyway you could.
In the end, so little separates us...
God Bless Us One And All
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Fear of Being Alone--Embracing Our Divine Aloneness
Although none of us can recall this truth--the fact is--we were each born alone.
And it is also a fact--that as our energy/spirit leaves our physical carcass behind--the essence that is us--will leave this physical existence--alone.
As we exhale our last breath, what shall we be thinking, feeling or wondering about? Will how others think or feel about us be the last conscious thought on our mind? Will we be wishing we bought that bigger home? Will be hating ourselves for eating that extra cupcake? Will we be wishing we could go back and curse out our ex? Doubt it...doubt it very highly.
Mania, I believe is what shows up in our minds as we try to run away from what is the inevitable; our aloneness. Scramble as we do to try and occupy our minds with this and that, or with worry of he or she, our minds dance around the walls of its own home, fleeing from what it most needs to embrace; aloneness.
Thoughts keep our mind detached from what is our aloneness. Rarely do we allow the voices in our minds to quiet down so, that we can hear nothing but silence, and yet, in order to be truly free and peaceful, this is precisely what we all must learn to do.
Learning to calm the chatter in our minds is no easy task. Some of us so addicted to "doing" to "movement" to "worry" and to "feelings", that the very idea of calming our minds is a completely foreign notion.
At the core of each of our souls is truth. Truth is there whether we acknowledge it or not. Those of us who attempt to run from it harder than others, experience the most emotional upset in their lives. Those of us who have learned to embrace it, find life a much more comfortable ride.
The truth is, you are alone. No one is coming to the rescue. No one can make you into who you were meant to be. No one that is, but you.
What is also true is that each of us, although alone in the most basic sense, are also connected to all that is. Born of divinity, just as every mountain, and ocean, you and I too, share the source of our very existence.
Embracing aloneness is to accept that we have the ability to choose what we care to think about. Learning to discern worthy thoughts from non worthy thoughts is a skill one must commit to teaching ones self. It is not an easy task. It is difficult, like clearing out an attic that has been used for storage for 5 decades. It is daunting, tiring, and exhausting to just think about. However, once the space is cleared, clutter is gone. There is no more tripping, stumbling or falling over dusty things. Space has now been created for new life.
At our core, the truth lies. We are all enough right where we are. When we stop struggling to "feel" like more, or to try and convince others we are "enough", and embrace instead our imperfectness, we find that being alone with our spirit really isn't so bad after all.
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Tuesday, January 12, 2010
When Feelings Are Our Drugs
The world is full of addicts. Around us are minds swirling in chaos they cannot seem to control. Their minds fill with chatter, and their hears beat to erratic rhythms. They wonder what is wrong with the world, and yet it is they, or maybe we, who are the ones with the problem.
The addiction may not be to cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana or alcohol. It may be more insidious than that.
Inside very good, very moral, very seemingly normal people, there may be an addiction at play not even they are aware of. It is quite possible to be ill of mind and heart and not know it.
When "our feelings" are our addiction, we lack the objectivity to understand the true nature of the problem. When it is the process by which we process our thoughts that is the root of the problem, it is far from easy to comprehend the central issue. When however, we become addicted to something outside of us like, alcohol, cocaine and alike, it is far easier to recognize, even in ourselves what the "thing" is that is wreaking havoc on our lives. Not so, when what is tormenting us is us.
For most of us, we have not been lucky enough to mature into chronological adulthood without some sense of a wounded self. This being the case, there is no doubt we have had our fair share of troubled relationships whether in childhood, adulthood, business or perhaps all of the mentioned. We have struggled, and found ourselves asking "why me?, why now, why again, and what's going on?". None of us are alone in this. We have all been there.
Chronological age does not guarantee emotional maturity. They are not one in the same. Emotionally mature adults assume total responsibility for themselves in all matters, and including matters of the heart. When we find ourselves in repeated failed marriages, relationships, jobs, troubled friendships, and or in poor financial situations, it is only the mature amongst us who can ask, "What have I done now? What have I done to cause this? How have I contributed to this situation? And how can I fix it so it won't keep showing up in my life?".
Those of us who are sick of heart and mind instead hear themselves asking, "Why did she do this to me? Why can't he see my point of view? If she would just listen to me everything would be fine. What is wrong with her/him? I know I know best. It's everyone else who is screwed up."
The biggest challenge for the mind is to learn how to look inside itself. When we grow up with hearts we need to protect from the insensitivity that was found in our childhood, we are conditioned, out of a survival need to be on watch for when another might attack us in some way, either verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically or sexually. Our need to survive is so intense, our instincts are to become hyper vigilant and to stand on guard surveying constantly our environment for clues to prevent ourselves from falling victim once more. This survival technique is learned, and unless we curtail it as adults, we may end up never finding the true source of our pain, or our joy.
Feelings are created by thoughts. Thought patterns are nothing more than conditioning taught to us on the journey through life. As adults we have the ability to question our thought pattern and thus confront the way in which our minds interpret information.
If you have been taught to care for people to a fault, then it is your childhood programming that has conditioned your ideas about others and your role in people's lives.
If you have been taught to seek out needy men, or needy women, or addicted others you can protect and rescue, somewhere in your programming is the message that created that idea in the first place.
As adults, we have the ability and the absolute right to question our own thoughts, and we should.
It is sometimes not possible to do this kind of excavating when involved with an abusive or addicted other. This kind of emotional journey is one that must be taken alone.
It is not enough to simply feel and to behave any longer. Unless you are completely aware of where the true source of your feelings lie, you are not living to your potential.
Most of us react entirely too often rather than evaluate the source of our emotions or thoughts. Like good little soldiers, we hear a battle cry, react to our programming and raise our weapons causing only more murders along the way.
If you are one that allows your feelings to guide your actions, it is time you re-think this reactive way of life and consider an alternative way of being.
Try thinking instead of feeling for a change.
The addiction may not be to cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana or alcohol. It may be more insidious than that.
Inside very good, very moral, very seemingly normal people, there may be an addiction at play not even they are aware of. It is quite possible to be ill of mind and heart and not know it.
When "our feelings" are our addiction, we lack the objectivity to understand the true nature of the problem. When it is the process by which we process our thoughts that is the root of the problem, it is far from easy to comprehend the central issue. When however, we become addicted to something outside of us like, alcohol, cocaine and alike, it is far easier to recognize, even in ourselves what the "thing" is that is wreaking havoc on our lives. Not so, when what is tormenting us is us.
For most of us, we have not been lucky enough to mature into chronological adulthood without some sense of a wounded self. This being the case, there is no doubt we have had our fair share of troubled relationships whether in childhood, adulthood, business or perhaps all of the mentioned. We have struggled, and found ourselves asking "why me?, why now, why again, and what's going on?". None of us are alone in this. We have all been there.
Chronological age does not guarantee emotional maturity. They are not one in the same. Emotionally mature adults assume total responsibility for themselves in all matters, and including matters of the heart. When we find ourselves in repeated failed marriages, relationships, jobs, troubled friendships, and or in poor financial situations, it is only the mature amongst us who can ask, "What have I done now? What have I done to cause this? How have I contributed to this situation? And how can I fix it so it won't keep showing up in my life?".
Those of us who are sick of heart and mind instead hear themselves asking, "Why did she do this to me? Why can't he see my point of view? If she would just listen to me everything would be fine. What is wrong with her/him? I know I know best. It's everyone else who is screwed up."
The biggest challenge for the mind is to learn how to look inside itself. When we grow up with hearts we need to protect from the insensitivity that was found in our childhood, we are conditioned, out of a survival need to be on watch for when another might attack us in some way, either verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically or sexually. Our need to survive is so intense, our instincts are to become hyper vigilant and to stand on guard surveying constantly our environment for clues to prevent ourselves from falling victim once more. This survival technique is learned, and unless we curtail it as adults, we may end up never finding the true source of our pain, or our joy.
Feelings are created by thoughts. Thought patterns are nothing more than conditioning taught to us on the journey through life. As adults we have the ability to question our thought pattern and thus confront the way in which our minds interpret information.
If you have been taught to care for people to a fault, then it is your childhood programming that has conditioned your ideas about others and your role in people's lives.
If you have been taught to seek out needy men, or needy women, or addicted others you can protect and rescue, somewhere in your programming is the message that created that idea in the first place.
As adults, we have the ability and the absolute right to question our own thoughts, and we should.
It is sometimes not possible to do this kind of excavating when involved with an abusive or addicted other. This kind of emotional journey is one that must be taken alone.
It is not enough to simply feel and to behave any longer. Unless you are completely aware of where the true source of your feelings lie, you are not living to your potential.
Most of us react entirely too often rather than evaluate the source of our emotions or thoughts. Like good little soldiers, we hear a battle cry, react to our programming and raise our weapons causing only more murders along the way.
If you are one that allows your feelings to guide your actions, it is time you re-think this reactive way of life and consider an alternative way of being.
Try thinking instead of feeling for a change.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Enablers: Addicted To Feeling Needed
They whine, and they moan; the selfless amongst us who wait tirelessly hand and foot on the addicts in their lives. We listen empathetically to our friends who are stuck in relationships with alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts and alike. We view our friends as noble, committed and dedicated. We listen on the phone, at work and send countless emails back and forth in support of our friend who is being sucked down into the pits of despair by the loved one in their life. Hey wait a minute. What's going on here?
On the surface it seems like the sickest person in the trio is the one abusing the drug. I say think again.
Patterns represent predictability. As long as the above scenario continues to get played out exactly as it has for as long as it has, the results will be the same. While the partner of the abuser claims she/he wants the abuser to get clean, on some level this may not be the case. And while the friend of the partner of the abuser believes he/she wants the same, one must wonder if this is true as well.
All of us possess basic emotional needs. Some of us need to be needed. Those of us who do, will actively yet unconsciously seek others out that need to be taken care of. Adults who still need to be taken care of are "huge problems", and yet people willingly step into the role of caretaker often.
Needs are not always obvious. Our emotional and psychological needs are invisible yet probably our strongest motivation for behaviors, choices and thoughts. Unless we know who we are, and what our needs are, we can often end up in situations and circumstances that hinder us more than they do propel us.
A person in love with a drug addict may be hiding a need to feel needed. Perhaps somewhere in their childhood programming is the sense that they are worthless and only worthy if they are giving of themselves continually to others. Perhaps there is a history of suicide, or drug use in their childhood that has conditioned them to fear not being completely available to others in their life. Perhaps the love addicted person was taught by one of her/his parents to give up themselves for the sake of others. Perhaps even the love addicted uses the addiction against the addicted person to ensure the abuser never leaves them.
The friend may be drama addicted too. While it is kind and represents compassion to be able to be emotionally available for others, it is not healthy to be sucked into the dramatic soap opera like lifestyles of those around us. Accountability is essential for us all.
Often times the partner of the addicted person not only needs to be needed by the abuser, but also hides even deeper and darker needs. Enablers many times often possess the need to be seen as martyrs by the outside world. Their whining and complaining helps make them feel like they are "good" because of how well they take care of the addict. Their ego shouts, "Look how good I am. I take such good care of my drug addict. Look at me. I haven't eaten in days, but see how well fed he/she is? See what a good little girl/boy I am for taking care of...."
The needs represent deep seeded feelings of low self worth and a detachment to the self.
Any healthy "self" would not tolerate an abuser in their life. Instead, a healthy mind would expect the abuser to take accountability for the problem and to get help. A healthy mind would take accountability for its own happiness and refuse to spend it whining about someone else. Instead healthy minds make lives for themselves rather than make lives about unhealthy others.
The "comforting friend" needs to get a clue as well. Sometimes peoples lives are so dramatic, some feel less anxious when they are helping their friends out with their problems rather than addressing their own issues. Sometimes our friends get a bit enabling too, and get their ego pump by being the one everyone leans on. While being supportive is a requirement for good friendships, when lines get crossed that allow for non accountability to continually and repeatedly take place, no one is being a good friend.
When the addict finally decides to get clean, what then happens to this cycle? Where will the enabler get their sense of self worth from when their is no longer a need to take care of the addict? What then happens to the friend who spends all of his/her free time counseling the enabler?
When the entire dynamic is addressed accordingly, and everyone starts to mind their own business, miracles show up. People find their true selves and learn to live with conviction by being accountable for their own needs and behaviors.
When instead the entire dynamic is not addressed, many times the addict decides to get clean, and the enabler falls apart. As part of recovery, as the addict continues to get healthy he/she will come to realize their partner may have been a big part of the problem. Moving on, the addict leaves the co dependent enabler behind for higher ground. The enabler either continues to chase after the recovering addict or will seek a new addict out to cling to. The friend will usually continue to cling to the drama queen in the middle for her chaotic fix.
We all have a choice to know or to disown our own truth. Each of us are the captains of our own ships. Complainers are simply people who have not learned how to take responsibility for their own happiness. Straightforward, direct, honest, harsh but nonetheless true.
On the surface it seems like the sickest person in the trio is the one abusing the drug. I say think again.
Patterns represent predictability. As long as the above scenario continues to get played out exactly as it has for as long as it has, the results will be the same. While the partner of the abuser claims she/he wants the abuser to get clean, on some level this may not be the case. And while the friend of the partner of the abuser believes he/she wants the same, one must wonder if this is true as well.
All of us possess basic emotional needs. Some of us need to be needed. Those of us who do, will actively yet unconsciously seek others out that need to be taken care of. Adults who still need to be taken care of are "huge problems", and yet people willingly step into the role of caretaker often.
Needs are not always obvious. Our emotional and psychological needs are invisible yet probably our strongest motivation for behaviors, choices and thoughts. Unless we know who we are, and what our needs are, we can often end up in situations and circumstances that hinder us more than they do propel us.
A person in love with a drug addict may be hiding a need to feel needed. Perhaps somewhere in their childhood programming is the sense that they are worthless and only worthy if they are giving of themselves continually to others. Perhaps there is a history of suicide, or drug use in their childhood that has conditioned them to fear not being completely available to others in their life. Perhaps the love addicted person was taught by one of her/his parents to give up themselves for the sake of others. Perhaps even the love addicted uses the addiction against the addicted person to ensure the abuser never leaves them.
The friend may be drama addicted too. While it is kind and represents compassion to be able to be emotionally available for others, it is not healthy to be sucked into the dramatic soap opera like lifestyles of those around us. Accountability is essential for us all.
Often times the partner of the addicted person not only needs to be needed by the abuser, but also hides even deeper and darker needs. Enablers many times often possess the need to be seen as martyrs by the outside world. Their whining and complaining helps make them feel like they are "good" because of how well they take care of the addict. Their ego shouts, "Look how good I am. I take such good care of my drug addict. Look at me. I haven't eaten in days, but see how well fed he/she is? See what a good little girl/boy I am for taking care of...."
The needs represent deep seeded feelings of low self worth and a detachment to the self.
Any healthy "self" would not tolerate an abuser in their life. Instead, a healthy mind would expect the abuser to take accountability for the problem and to get help. A healthy mind would take accountability for its own happiness and refuse to spend it whining about someone else. Instead healthy minds make lives for themselves rather than make lives about unhealthy others.
The "comforting friend" needs to get a clue as well. Sometimes peoples lives are so dramatic, some feel less anxious when they are helping their friends out with their problems rather than addressing their own issues. Sometimes our friends get a bit enabling too, and get their ego pump by being the one everyone leans on. While being supportive is a requirement for good friendships, when lines get crossed that allow for non accountability to continually and repeatedly take place, no one is being a good friend.
When the addict finally decides to get clean, what then happens to this cycle? Where will the enabler get their sense of self worth from when their is no longer a need to take care of the addict? What then happens to the friend who spends all of his/her free time counseling the enabler?
When the entire dynamic is addressed accordingly, and everyone starts to mind their own business, miracles show up. People find their true selves and learn to live with conviction by being accountable for their own needs and behaviors.
When instead the entire dynamic is not addressed, many times the addict decides to get clean, and the enabler falls apart. As part of recovery, as the addict continues to get healthy he/she will come to realize their partner may have been a big part of the problem. Moving on, the addict leaves the co dependent enabler behind for higher ground. The enabler either continues to chase after the recovering addict or will seek a new addict out to cling to. The friend will usually continue to cling to the drama queen in the middle for her chaotic fix.
We all have a choice to know or to disown our own truth. Each of us are the captains of our own ships. Complainers are simply people who have not learned how to take responsibility for their own happiness. Straightforward, direct, honest, harsh but nonetheless true.
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