Monday, March 15, 2010

Still Learning To Let Go

i once read that if there are no tears for the writer, there can be no tears for the reader.

I tend to write as if my heart had hands, and as if it wept as well.

At forty five, I am still finding myself in awe of the lessons that are about us each day, if we are open to the idea of enlightenment. Humility is a great teacher, but it is not possible to experience without the miracle of self awareness.

Ones mind must be open to awareness, so that self reflection is possible, so that lessons might be learned, and humility taught.

Because I choose to be spiritually aware, I see miracles all around me, each and everyday. I find it no coincidence that when I lose my keys, or my left glove, that within seconds I spot them sticking out from beneath the bed, or leaning off the foyer table. When I am late for a client, and I haven't hit one red light on the way, I look up at the heavens, say a prayer of thanksgiving, and arrive safely on time. It's not the NY State Lottery, but they are miracles to me nonetheless.

I recently had to let go of someone I really cared for. It was the most difficult thing I had to do in many years as an adult woman. But what it taught me was that I have the ability to see the big picture, in spite of how enchanting the smaller picture appears to be.

I am learning a little more each day about what love really is. Love is so much about the ability to let go, in spite of how it clammers loudly for us to hold on.

I have discovered that it is possible to care for another enough to let them go , in spite of personal desires to wish they'd stay. It is possible to rise above ones own selfishness and put the needs of others ahead of my own so that they can grow and find their way. It is possible, although not comfortable, to place total faith in the outcome of a situation I have relinquished control over, for the sake of what is best for the person I love.

I have learned that by letting go of my own desired outcome, I not only love others in the purest form, but extend that love 360 degrees right back into my heart.

I imagine what it must feel like for our heavenly father to stand watch over us, making mistake after mistake. I wonder how much love it must take, to watch a child repeatedly do what you know will only hurt them, knowing that only by letting them fall, and learning to get back up again, will they grow at all.

Without faith, growth simply is not possible.

I have been humbled greatly by the purest form of love; unconditional love. It is not like the love that is played out in the theatre. It is not chaotic, neurotic, manipulative, or fueled by narcissistic ego based needs. It is anything but such consumption.

It is easy to love our children unconditionally, yet it is a task for sure to offer the same kind of unconditional love to friends, family and romantic interests.

Although my heart is breaking, I am grateful I know such unconditional love is possible for me. And although I tend to think of myself as rather smart, I know I know nothing at all....

God Bless...