Friday, August 5, 2011

How To Test If Others Are Good or Bad For Me

In all of us are beliefs.

Some of these beliefs are conscious, but most of them are unconscious.

Do you enjoy the thoughts that swirl about in your head?

Do you enjoy your behaviors?

Do you love your Self?

If you are like so many young women and men today, you do not enjoy most of the B/S that is swirling about in your head, nor do you enjoy the obsessive compulsive things you do to get your mind to shift from focusing on the negative thoughts that are in your head...

WTF?

Is that where you are? Are you in that place-the WTF place?

If you are, you are not alone....

Stop...listen to this wise woman who has spent far too many years in that WTF place.

I wanted everyone to like me, to accept me, to tell me I was good enough, and it never showed up in quite the way I needed it to, to fill that WTF place up in my head.

Why???

I had friends. I had a decent job. I was attractive. I had a family and my dog loved me.

WTF...why was I so displeased with me?

The problem was, what was wrong could not be fixed by anyone or anything on the outside...DUH...I was looking for others to fix something they couldn't...But stubborn, pig headed me, kept insisting others love me enough to make this WTF feeling go away...

Okay, so WTF...how did I get my mind from way over there in psycho land where I was not only frustrating myself, but everyone around me...to this kick ass, bissful, I love me no matter what anyone else thinks of me, place???

The journey was long, but so worth the trip.

I first had to uncover what it was I believed. My beliefs were ruling my world and keeping me stuck.

I believed everyone had to like me...WRONG...

I believed everyone had to think I was pretty...WRONG...

I believed if I was good enough others would naturally treat me well...WRONG...

I believed if I loved someone they had to love me back...WRONG...

I believed I was only good enough if someone else told me so...WRONG...

I believed if I was good to someone, they had to be just as good back to me, and if they didn't that meant something was wrong with me...WRONG...

I believed that if my relationship wasn't turning out well, that it was all my fault, and that if I was good, I'd hang in there...WRONG...

I believed it was normal to fight in a relationship...WRONG...

I believed that even when I was treated poorly, I probably did something to deserve it, and I was supposed to stay...WRONG...

I believed if I loved someone, I hung in there no matter what...WRONG...

I believed being alone was a terrible thing...WRONG...

I believed that I had to be pretty, thin, and smart for others to like me...WRONG...

I believed that if someone loved me, they were supposed to be attached to my hip, and validate me always (eek..needy bitch I was..lol)...WRONG...


HOLY CRAP...

When I finally stopped whining about how miserable I was, and started uncovering what beliefs were governing my thinking, I began to understand that I was on a collision course...and I was the cause of all my WTF thinking...

There was no way a girl like me, with thoughts like these was not going to attract some piece of s---...of a man.

I was literally putting my sense of self in someone else's hands.

I was literally saying, "I will love you so you love me back, because I don't know how to love myself. I will ATTACH my needy ass self to you, and drown you with affection, not because you need it you loser, but because I believe if that I do, you MUST do what I want you to do, which is to make this WTF feeling go away...I am demanding you to fill this WTF place in me, so I can stop these WTF feelings in my head. And even though you will probably take advantage of my neediness, treat me like dog sh-- on your shoe, push me away, and only show affection when you want to get laid, I am gonna hang in there...because that's what I BELIEVE I should do."

WTF? Really, I mean WTF?

Its no mystery why I was so miserable...

So I figured it all out. I didn't think I was good enough because my mother's love wasn't all that reassuring...

I was taught to care more about what others thought about me than what I thought about me...and so I picked up all these negative beliefs along my life's path.

But now I have learned that unless I own my power, and stop giving my sense of self over to dysfunctional, self absorbed others, ( and unfortunately sometimes this includes our parents, siblings, best friends, co workers, and husbands ), I will be destined to live the remainder of my life on planet WTF.

WTF is not necessary.

If you are unhappy and the people in your life are bringing you down, GET RID OF THEM, and start paying attention to how you FEEL, when you are around people.

People that are GOOD for you will make you FEEL secure, warm, positive, and cared for.

Your energy literally goes up when you are around someone who is good for you, and down when you are slamming yourself into someone who is NOT good for you...

Check out the video above. Want to test your energy to see if those in your life are good for you or bad for you? Do the above muscle test while sitting next to your brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, mother, father or even around alcohol.

Anything or anyone that is not good for you, will show up in your energy field...

If you are on planet WTF, it is because YOU are not where you belong. YOU are gravitating towards things and others that are weighing you down...

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Thank you for visiting my site which was created to help heal adult children of alcoholics, codependents, those suffering from codependency issues, as well as all beings suffering from low self esteem, and who seek validation from outside rather from within.

Know--you are enough!

Lisa A. Romano
healingselfesteem@gmail.com