Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Children Who Commit Suicide

When I was twelve years old, I put my fathers black handgun to the side of my head.  Because I had been bullied to the point of torture through various forms of public humiliation, and harassment, life at that age simply just did not feel as if it was worth living.

Detached from the family I loved, and feeling much more like a specimen than a viable human being who belonged to a cohesive family unit, I did not feel worthy of my right to complain about what was going on at school.  Because I felt so powerless then, it seemed highly unlikely that any complaining I had to do about what was going on at school, would end well.  If anything, my small frame of reference had me believing, that telling my truth would more than likely only make things worse.

I am so often baffled by how dismayed many adults seem to appear when they are hearing for the first time, the news of another child's suicide.  Having been a child who has in fact suffered at the hands of other children's lack of decency for creatures less mean spirited than themselves, it always pangs me deeply to discover that  so many adults still don't seem to get it.

I was one of the lucky ones.  A moment of clarity pulled me from the edges of my mind, and saved me from pulling the trigger that fateful day.  However, I have never, ever forgotten the wretched and twisted disease, the almost socially accepted crime of bullying, caused within my being, way back then.

To any teacher, principal, administrator, or adult who cannot conceive why a child would want to die, I say 'shame on YOU!'

The very fact that you are dismayed at all, sheds light on one of the many root causes of child suicide.  Children who commit suicide, do not feel seen or valued in a psychological sense.  Furthermore, any child who has been pushed to the emotional brink, so far so that he/she now feels so hopeless, that death seems more pleasing than life, is more likely than not, a child who someone did not know was being abused in the first place.

This article is not intended to blame the families of the victims who have been abused to death.  It is however, intended to serve as a wake up call to anyone who has been attracted to the sentiments this author shares.

I, like many victims of hate crimes like bullying, did not feel like I had the right to complain.  Taught to smile on cue, keep the apple carts balanced, and to not dare add anymore to my families already mounting plates, my problems were my problems, and grotesquely as simple as that.

In some cases children do tell.  And many times parents do in fact get involved.  And many times, school administrators respond with, "There is nothing we can do."

As BS flies, children slip between cracks, until the moment they split open too wide, and their emotional beings hemorrhage while those who have been deemed as those responsible for their persons, pass the buck, and in more ways than I'd like to spew, invalidate the very beings they were deemed to protect.

To any parent who has lost a child to this insidious socially minimized genocide, my deepest sympathies I send to you.

To any child who is perhaps contemplating relief through the walking of deaths door, I implore you to hang on.  If I could sit you down upon my knee, I would look you in your innocent eyes, and beg you to believe in your personal worth.  I would tell you that I understood your pain, sorrow, disappointment, loneliness, anger, and fear.  I would tell you that I understand how sweet death smells, when your life reeks.  But I would also tell you, that one day you were not going to feel as powerless as you do.  I would ask you to look ahead, and to imagine the day you were just a few years older and were leaving the bullies behind.

I would also tell you to bring as much attention as you could to the types of harassment you have endured.  I would urge to record the verbal abuse, or have others video the times when you were being pushed around.  I would ask you to keep a daily log of anything that was said that you felt was threatening or intended to intimidate you in any way.

I would then ask you to take your evidence to the school boards, or perhaps even to the local papers or the local news.  I would suggest you created a blog and detailed the abuse on the internet, and with the vigor and valor of some of the greatest believers in peace such as heros like Martin Luther King, Siddhartha Guatama, Gandhi, and Mandela, use your experiences to help change the world.

Namaste dear child, I see you.  Now, you must learn to see you too.  You are worthy.  You are enough.  You are good.  You are strong.  You can look ahead.  You can change your world, and when you do, you change the whole world too.