Monday, September 17, 2012

How To Stop Our Need To Be Needed

So many of us settle for being needed because we were never taught that we were enough when we were children.  Because our childhood programming, which is the foundation of how we perceive our worlds, others and ourselves is faulty, far too many of us have not learned how to exist without putting ourselves into position number two.  We do not know that we are enough, and that we do not have to cater to others emotions, insecurities, egoism, selfishness, manipulation, victimhood or self absorption in order to feel that we are worthy beings.

Our society as well as our religions send us mixed messages.  On one hand it is right and good to think of others, but on the other hand we are expected to be self sufficient and non-needy.  It becomes a tangled psychological and thus emotional mess to decipher how to be in this world.  Do we run ourselves into the ground for others, by taking responsibility for others responsibilities, or do we honor ourselves--put a psychological sign up and shout "Enough" in our heads?

Speaking from experiences, I was one who was chastised as a child anytime I ever spoke up for myself, or whenever I asked for 'some-thing'.  It was not acceptable to want, to need or to desire.  The message I received was, "You are not good enough to want.  Only other people are allowed to want--not you."   In my mind the world was full of others--and I was an alien--a thing--that for whatever reason was simply non-deserving.

This feeling of unworthiness made me feel less than.  And that feeling of less-than fueled my illusions about the world and even my Self.  Because of my oozing sense of not-enough-ness, life became a playground littered with insecurities.  I was not enough unless I was exhausted by how well I was taking care of others.  Feeling needed helped mask the fear that whispered to me consistently, that I was not enough.

Today I understand how dysfunctional the need to be needed is.  I no longer feel less than, and have since learned to allow others to take ownership over their own lives and that includes their misery.

I steer away from angry, stuck others, and find that happy people, like ornery people tend to flock together.  Through mastering the Self, I have learned to love the spirit, infinite being I am, not only for my sake, but for the sake of all those who have to put up with me on an ongoing basis.

Letting go of needing to be needed, involves learning to let go of our old dysfunctional childhood programming.  The reality is, we are all worthy of love, and do not need to be needed.  What we need is to love our true Selves, in spite of our pasts, no matter how tattered our journeys thus far have been.