Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Need To Be Needed--Confuse Love With Pity?

When you are the child who has been raised in a home whose basic system does not allow for the ability to express emotions freely, life becomes a maze of confusion.

When children are programmed to accept the 'no talk' rule as a way of surviving in a home, it becomes next to impossible to be able to navigate a healthy future adult life without unnecessary drama.  Children who have been conditioned to deny their realities, because the adults in their lives are unable to confront reality, they are taught to quite literally cut themselves off from self.  As a result children from denial based homes suffer incredible bouts of low self esteem.

Whether you are an adult who has survived an emotionally abusive home, or a child still stuck inside one, the good news is  you are not alone, and even better--there is a way out.

Understanding first and foremost that it is not normal to not allow others to express their emotions.  It is not normal to yell when someone says they are in pain, and it is not normal to ignore a child when they are upset, or aching emotionally.

When you are a product of a denial based home you struggle to understand what normal is.  Because you have no idea what healthy relating looks or feels like, your ideas about love and relationships with others is skewed.

If you know that--consider yourself lucky.  Plenty of people die never understanding that their problems in life were due to their faulty programming and conditioning.

Knowledge truly is power.  If you are the grandchild of an alcoholic, or drug addict, compulsive gambler, workaholic, or so on--that means your parents were ignored and emotionally neglected as children.  That would also mean there is a very high likelihood that you have suffered because your parents simply didn't know any better.

Once again--there's good news. There is a better way.

You can break the cycles of emotional battery--and denial--and heal the lack of intimacy and trust in your family.  But first, you must learn to stop hurting yourself.

Begin by validating the pain you have experienced, and know with every fiber of your being that you deserve to be happy and peaceful.

Learning all you can about healing shame and guilt, as well as dysfunctional family syndromes help arm you against the ignorance you will find in your immediate families.  If your immediate family is sick, they will more than likely get angry because you are daring to think and do differently than what they do.

Below is a link to a website that outlines clearly the characteristics of ACoA.

Please note that alcohol and drugs do not have to be a part of a denial based family system in order for abuse to be taking place.

Read on and empower your Self.