Thursday, May 1, 2008

Hearing The Self

When we were children, many of us were taught to disown our 'self'.  As innocent souls drawn into this world, we entered this place with only our senses as guides.  Only through our ability to feel, to see, to hear, to touch to smell and to taste, could we know whether or not we were surrounded by things that kept us peaceful and in alignment with that which allowed joy to grow within.  If mom looked into our eyes warmly, and cradled us gently, we perceived peace.  If we were placed in soothing environments, harmony was ours.

If however, we were born to hostile, agitated souls, chances are peace escaped us, and as a result joy was not nurtured within us.

Being born to souls who have yet to find peace in their own hearts and minds, makes it virtually impossible to grow in strength in regards to self esteem.  Parents who are negatively self absorbed can not 'see' their children in a psychological sense.  Parents who are more concerned with their own habits like, gambling, drinking, money, food, beauty, diets, or adultery are disconnected from their own love of self, and so too are disconnected from their children, and thus reinforce the disconnection between self and love they should be nurturing in their children.

One of the many barriers between self and love is called the ego. The ego is that part of our very young, instinctual self that clamors to us the sense that we need to somehow ensure our survival. The ego lives in fear as if it is going to be engulfed, controlled or destroyed by others. It fears rejection, abandonment, and a loss of control of things and others in its environment. Its origin is fear based and so its urging within us is to make others believe it is much bigger and more powerful than others are.

When parents are unaware of how grandiose or fragile their egos may be, they raise their children with the need to control them rather than out of a nurturing that is rooted in the ability to see ones child as separate and non threatening to ones individualized experience. A parent who has had a difficult childhood may be unaware that his/her unrealistic expectations of ones own child may come from a time in his/her own childhood that left the parent feeling powerless. Unrealistic expectations allow the parents ego to stay ahead of and above the child he/she is trying to control in order to soothe his/her own wounds of powerlessness of the past.

The more powerless an ego felt as a child, the more powerful it needs to feel over others as adults.

The ego is physically based, meaning it seeks worldly things as evidence that it is powerful. An ego maniac is one who seeks constant validation from others, who often uses things such as sexual prowess, or extravagance as a tool to gain some sense of power over another. Male ego maniacs are often fast, smooth talkers, who are well equipped at manipulating others feelings in hopes of getting others to do what it is they want them to do.

Fragile female ego's are similar in that they often use sex as a tool to get what they want. It is also not uncommon for fragile female ego's to behave as if they are helpless in order to manipulate others into doing for them what they are completely capable of doing themselves.

Ego's are not loving. They are impulsive, compulsive, controlling, whining, lying, denying and manipulative. Until one travels deep within and finds the courage to ask, "Who am I?", with sincerity and conviction, love of self is not possible. For in order to love ones own self, the ego must diminish and eventually die. The irony is, that just as one begins to ask such thought provoking, love seeking questions about ones own existence, the ego acts up sensing its essence is being threatened. As you choose to begin looking within rather than outside of your self for the acceptance you seek, the ego finds itself confused by the sudden shift from the material to the non physical, and throws temper tantrums on the playing field of the mind.

When a parents ego is not in check, they very often miss the opportunities to nurture the love of self in their children. When parents are fear based, and thus find themselves worrying far too much about what the neighbors think, or how beautiful, or how thin they are, or what kind of car Mr. Jones is driving, they not only teach their children to care more about what is going on outside of them than what is going on inside of them, they also reinforce disconnectedness within the child by continually not seeing and or appreciating the uniqueness of their little one.

Whatever a parent talks about most, or pays attention to the most, is what the child will learn to believe is important. And if what the child believes is important is NOT what the child, thinks, needs or feels, that child will grow disconnected from its own self.

In my case, I believed that a clean house was more important than my fears.  I believed that money was more significant than what I was feeling.  I was taught that what others thought of me, was more important than what I thought of my self.  Two very decent people, taught me to disown my birthright to a self.

They at the time went about their life unaware that what I needed most was to have pure unconditional love reflected back into my soul, through the eyes of theirs. What I needed most was a peaceful parent. What I needed most were soft whispers. What I needed most was to be soothed lovingly when I cried, and to be cradled after I fell. What I needed most were parents who were so in love and accepting of one another, that that peace and harmony infused my tiny being through the power of vibrations, and enveloped me with a feeling of contentment.

When parents love themselves, and then love one another, they insure their children a channel that is free and clear that is open to their child's essence. The feeling of love is the path that leads to that source, and without a clear lesson of what love truly is, children may need to search for love in all the places where it is not, until they finally happen upon it later in life after much suffering, if they find it at all.