Friday, March 19, 2010

Do You Know What You Are Looking For?

Often times we hear the people in our lives complaining about their partners. Our friends complain about how unfeeling their husbands are, or about how irresponsible their boyfriends are with money. All of us have a friend or two that has even been physically, verbally or emotionally abused. And then there is the token friend, who has been cheated on over and over by the person she claims to love...

What the???

When speaking with clients, I often ask them, "Do you KNOW what you want?". Most often than not, they are left speechless for a moment or two, because the question has literally stunned them. One woman actually asked, "You mean I can choose what kind of man I date?"

Mama mia!

We are all captains of our own ship, and unless we spend ample time thinking about what kind of traits we would like to find in a potential partner, we are doomed to settle for what shows up. When we don't know what will satisfy our hunger, we will grab the first edible thing in sight. Desperate to be in a relationship of any kind, we cling, obsess and beg for validation in all the wrong places.

The Wright Brothers first had to see the airplane flying in their minds before they could find one in the sky. And so it is with us all. We owe it to God to know what we want to experience while we are on this planet. Otherwise how will He know what to send our way?


It is amazing to me how very little effort people put into trying to figure out what kind of relationship they believe would make them happy. We spend more time in line trying to rent a rug shampooer than we do contemplating partners.

I suggest my clients make lists on paper detailing what qualities they are looking for in a partner. There should be a 'yes' and an 'absolute no' column. It should be pondered through, and taken quite seriously. It should be looked at as your blueprint for the future.

List all the qualities you would put into a partner. Understand the difference between desperation and earnest want, because it is a tough thing when what you want shows up, and they don't want you.

When this happens, it is important to remember that finding someone who is looking for the exact you, is as equally important as finding the right equal for you.

Imagine how great you'll feel when you not only find what you are looking for, but you discover that the person you were looking for was also looking for you...

And when relationships show up, take inventory. If the person meets your criteria, and you meet theirs, prepare for magic to happen...

Can I get an Amen?