Monday, May 24, 2010

Why We Love Who We Love

"I don't know why I keep attracting women who abuse me in my life. I try so hard to get these women to understand how much I love them, but they always end up either cheating on me, using me, or simply abusing me. Its horrible. They put me down, disregard my opinions, or worse, just ignore me. But I stay. I keep coming back. I keep showing up for more abuse. What's wrong with me?"

So often I have met clients who seem completely confused by their faulted relationships. They wonder how and why it is they can't seem to find suitable partners; ones that will appreciate them, or make them feel like a relationship is worthwhile.

They end one dysfunctional relationship and wind up in yet another. The package is a little different, but the insides are the same. So what is going on?

In life, we attract the kind of love we know most. The way we interpret love as children, is the way we will perceive love as adults. If love is something we were taught to chase after as children, then love will be something we believe we have to chase as adults. Love will not be something we believe is in us. We will believe that love must be gained through some act, or through some trial that has proven that we are worth being loved.

If we do not do our family of origin work, and learn to appreciate what our inner beliefs about love are, we will undoubtedly attract the same kind of "love energy" we experienced as children.

We love who we love, because of who and how we were loved as children.

If we do not learn to face how we were loved as children, we are surely doomed to repeat patterns we may not want to.

All love starts with self love.