Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Personal Boundaries

One of the sure fire ways to kill any new and budding relationship is to disrespect someone else's personal boundaries.

In many cases people in relationships don't even know what their personal boundaries are, which makes it quite difficult for their partner to respect something they don't even know exists.

No relationship can ever thrive unless the two people entering into the relationship "know who they are", and this includes knowing what their personal boundaries are. When people enter into relationships in a healthy way, there is a constant exchange of personal information between them. Blended between the lines of communication, are clues as to what one another's personal boundaries are. As dedicated partners, it is essential we pick up on these clues if fostering the relationship is our goal.

If your partner is feeling stressed at work, or has recently come out of a long term relationship, or is caring for a dying parent, their need for boundaries will be essential in order to help them not feel so overwhelmed. If the partner of someone who is going through something unusually stressful at the time, cannot respect the need for personal space, the relationship may implode.

Often times when one of the people in the relationship feels the need to pull away, this sparks insecurity in the other. This insecurity sends emotional shock waves through the other partner, and triggers their need to cling. This emotional clinging only adds more stress to the already stressed out partner. This violation of personal boundaries will trigger the need to withdraw from the relationship by the stressed partner, simply out of fear of being suffocated.

The best relationships are ones that are built on patience and trust.

When in a relationship it is as important to consider what our partners need as much as what we need. .

Honesty is always the best choice in any situation. If you are the partner that is feeling stressed and needs more space, then ask for it. If your partner loves and hears you, they will oblige and not feel intimidated by your needs. If you are the partner that is being asked to back off, understand that your partner has a need that they would like you to respect. If you love your partner, you will hold onto your own feelings, and give your partner all the space they need. If you cannot, and do not respect their need, it is possible you have problems respecting someone else's boundaries.

It is not long after personal boundaries are violated, that deeper problems begin to surface in the relationship. Unless their is complete respect for the two people involved, the relationship will ultimately fail.