If you are an enabler, then you are enabling whomever it is you are in a relationship with. If you are involved with an addict, you, as defined by your own definition are enabling that addiction.
If you truly believe this is so, you must fully and consciously become aware,(completely, drop the B/S of denial you may have been living in) that you are only helping the addict stay sick.
You have only one choice. Stop...stop doing whatever it is you are doing to help them stay sick. Stop lying, stop covering up, stop turning your head, stop rushing them to the ER, stop making excuses for why you are so overwhelmed, and most of all stop acting like how YOU feel doesn't matter.
Think about this...
You came into this world alone, and you will die alone...In your last moments on this physical earth, and as your physical being begins to shut down, your energy will be summoned out of your body. What should have been a life long journey that was full of joy, excitement, and new Self discoveries, will have been lost...because rather than seeking to find things that make you happy, you will have instead given all your attention to a sick brain...On top of that, in all the caring for that you thought you were doing, you did nothing more but help keep that brain sick...
Enablers, release your desire to control the actions of one who is sick...
Enablers, DETACH from the negative emotion of guilt, and wanting to control the other who is choosing his own destiny, and attracting to him only more negativity. By the power of the Law of Attraction, you are both, you and the addict attracting only more of what you are already experiencing. And until one of you shifts his/her point of focus, you can only attract more of what you are already getting.
Change your mind, and change the course of your life. It is law...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
4 comments:
Thank you for visiting my site which was created to help heal adult children of alcoholics, codependents, those suffering from codependency issues, as well as all beings suffering from low self esteem, and who seek validation from outside rather from within.
Know--you are enough!
Lisa A. Romano
healingselfesteem@gmail.com
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i need help. I dont know where to start. I want this crazy ride to be over. i feel that i dont even know who i am anymore
ReplyDeleteStart here--read...digest...learn...embrace...and begin learning to love your self...You cannot change anyone...you can love someone and still need to let them go...
ReplyDeleteAfter a long battle with my fiancé's addiction. We have lost every thing that we have built together. This was my moment of awakening, coupled with his constant downward spiral. We have two children, and I realized that if I continue on in this relationship, they soon will feel the sorrows that I feel. So myself and the kids are moving away. I have heard that an addict needs to hit rock bottom before they can make a lasting change, I am hoping that this is it. But, should I hold on to the hope that he will recover and our family will be together again?
ReplyDeleteIf you have not read my book The Road Back To Me--I suggest that you do. Losing everything too also created the catalyst for my awakening.
ReplyDeleteThe premise that you as the enabler can battle your partners addiction is incorrect.
YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER HIM AND HIS ATTACHMENT TO DRUGS.
Furthermore----YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER HIM CREATING THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT ARE CAUSING YOU TO LOSE EVERYTHING.
The only thing you have control over
IS HOW YOU CHOOSE TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF SELF--OR HOW NOT TO HONOR SELF.
What got me through my darkest days was understanding that I was a TEACHER to my children more than a caretaker.
CHILDREN DO AS THEIR CHILDREN DO--AND YOU HAVE A LOT TO DEBUNK.
Your children have been taught to believe in their powerlessness both in the area of drugs--as well as in the area of interpersonal relationships.
His addiction to drugs and his self absorb-ness--coupled with your addiction to the relationship (perhaps) has taught your children to believe in their powerlessness.
In reality THE POWER TO CHANGE AND TO WIN IS IN US ALL.....NOTHING HAS DOMINION OVER OUR MINDS UNLESS WE FIRST DENY THAT THE LOVING SELF IS AN ABSOLUTE BIRTHRIGHT.
You need to detach your family from him and his addiction asap--and you also need to engulf yourself in all that you can learn about codependency so that you can spare your children the horrors of caring more about others or a relationship than they do themselves.
Only because I have been through my trials and tribulations can I say this--in my opinion--I would not hold out hope--because what is important is teaching your children how to love Self--not the relationship--and not playing the martyr--and not playing the victim--and not recreating old patterns.
Your partner may never wake up--and that is his choice. You have to teach your children how to face the world in spite of fear--and how to recover with dignity...and how to set boundaries so that when they go out into the world they do not attract partners like their father--or become like him.
Because like attracts like--unless you are able to change their emotional vibrations and or perceptions about love--they will attract what they know (sadly).
To a certain degree you do have control over that...so be wise--and teach wisely...
Your children and future grandchildren need you to figure this out...
And one more thing--trust me--your children already "Feel" the sorrow you feel...they are smarter than you think and are sponges.
Namaste..