Sunday, January 22, 2012

Troubled Relationships

We've all been there. We have all been in a relationship with someone we truly care about, but continually find ourselves fighting or arguing over the same things. We know we are right. We know the other person is wrong, and we dig our heels in until the other person finally gives in and sees things our way. We think we have won.

At the core of all human beings is the desire for freedom. We all crave the freedom to think what we think and feel what we feel. The problem is, that when we love someone, often times we think that person is supposed to believe what we believe. We falsely presume that if someone else claims to love us, that means that person should at all times give into what we are saying, and furthermore put our needs above their own.

Married couples find themselves in these dilemma's often. She thinks he should want to give the kids baths at the end of the day, and he thinks she should understand he's been working all day and shouldn't have to bathe the kids at night. She thinks he should give up softball to spend more time with her, and he thinks she should be happy he enjoys his time alone doing something he loves.

The real dilemma arises when each person fundamentally believes in right and wrong. She assumes she's right, and unless he buckles and agrees with her, she feel shunned or maybe even unloved. She falsely believes his love is tied to whether or not he is able to see all aspects of life through her eyes.

When authentic love is present, there is no bullying. In fact, when you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with your twin flame, there is no need for bullying. Because the two souls are so much alike in their emotional make up, battles like the ones above are unnecessary.

The key to life is understanding. No one has to change for you, nor do you have to change for others.

Avoiding labeling behavior in others as good or bad, right or wrong is crucial. Everyone has a right to do and be what they want, even if you don't agree. Whatever it is someone else is doing that you don't like, may not be a choice you would have chosen. That however, does not make you right and others wrong. It simply means someone else is exercising their right of freedom, to be who they are.

Self righteous, ego based thinking is at the root of most troubled relationships.

If you cannot accept others behaviors, you may need to put distance between you and them.

Other people are not wrong, but they may be wrong for you. It seems like a subtle difference, but in actuality, it will make all the difference.

If you find yourself arguing over the same kinds of problems, either agree to disagree, or move on. Find someone who thinks more like you do, and the arguments fade away.

Dig your heels in and fixate on changing someone enough that they always see things your way, ensures that resentment will build.