The Road Back To Me is my story. It is one that is drizzled with painful memories of isolation, withdrawal, confusion and even dreams about suicide. Born an incredibly intuitive and sensitive child, I was often bewildered by the insensitivity of others, and hungry for the feeling of love. As I grew, my mind decided all that I felt was my fault. The lack of love I felt was the result of my being wrong--ill--and defective in some intrinsic way.
Taught to enable, I chased after loved, shut down, toned myself down and learned to suppress my natural instincts to embrace, to share, and to express the love I had for those in my life. I knew that whatever I had to offer would either not be accepted, or perhaps ignored, or worse treated as if whatever I offered was disingenuous.
As I built a life upon these faulty concepts of my self, the choices I made became like mirrors of the disconnect within me. No one knew I was sad. No one knew I was starved for validation. And quite frankly--no one cared.
When the ability to pretend nearly gobbled me up with various types of inflammatory diseases, it was as if the decision to leave my marriage was made for me. Stay and die, or leave and live. The desire to break the cycle of codependency for the sake of my children was so strong, I divorced my then husband, believing with all of me that one day things would get better.
The Road Back To Me details the struggles I experienced big and small as a result of growing up in a family that was effected by the disease of alcoholism. My story is one that I believe has the ability to touch anyone and everyone who reads it. If you are breathing, there is something about my story that will be of a benefit to you.
It is twelve years later, and I am more aware and more humble than I ever dreamed possible. My children are well grounded, and authentic mature love has finally manifested in my life.
I no longer worry more about what others think about me,than what I think about me, nor do I obsess over what others think--I--think. Today I simply--am.
If I could wrap my arms around this whole world and hug each and everyone of us--I would...but because I cannot...I write instead. And every day as often as I can, I send love out into this place and imagine that that love finds you in some way. It may be in the appreciation of a child's smile, a flittering butterfly, or in the sweet smell of an afternoon rain--it makes no difference to me how the vibration of love finds its way to you...it only matters that it does.
May you be blessed by my book, The Road Back To Me.