Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Why Do Men Cheat

I have never been asked one question as often as I have this one.

"Lisa, tell me. In your opinion why do men cheat?"

If you read between the lines, what is being revealed in this question is really nothing more than one woman's, or many women's expectation of men. Sadly we live in a culture that seems to presume it is impossible for men NOT to cheat. It is as if in many ways, society cannot separate man from beast. We can send men to the moon, and transmit words through airwaves, but we can't seem to raise the bar on man's ability to control his primal impulse. It is as if because men secrete testosterone, they are given a pass or an excuse for not being able to keep their penis's in their pants.

The truth is, what a man thinks he is, he is. If a man believes he cannot not cheat, this man will likely cheat. His beliefs will attract thoughts, and situations that will reinforce that belief.

If on the other hand, this man uses his complete conscious mind, and chooses to confront that old societal belief, he can change that belief. Men can shove themselves into one vat, and draw parallels between themselves and silver back gorilla's, or they can expect more from themselves instead. Either way, the law of attraction will be at play.

As a man thinks, so shall he become. And thinking by the way, is a choice.

Females also play a role in why men cheat or why they seem to find themselves in relationships with men that cheat.

Women will tell me they never expected their spouse to cheat. They will claim they were shocked to discover their spouses were being unfaithful. But after sitting and talking to them more openly it is usually revealed that on various levels the women did not trust their spouses.
Perhaps it had to do with money, or where their spouses really were when they said they were working late, or how their mates reacted when an attractive woman entered a room, but in every case the women I spoke to could trace back a moment in time when they found themselves wrestling with feelings of trust when it came to the men in their lives.

This observation in no way is meant to imply that women cause their spouses to cheat. This article is however meant to stir ones thinking about what it is they THINK, about their mate, and more importantly what they think about themselves.

If at anytime a person ignores, denies or suppresses feelings or thoughts that question their trust in another, this disowning will eventually, as it gets played out lead to more destructive circumstances in the relationship, like an affair.

It is difficult for the unconscious and lacking self aware mind to imagine that she may have been part of the co-creating that manifested such circumstances in her marriage. This is not to imply blame on one spouse for the lack of integrity of the other. But the reality is, if there is a lack of integrity in the mind, there will be a lack of integrity in the physical. The non physical, always matches the physical.

Whether it is a lack of personal integrity of the man, or a lack of self respect in the woman, either road can only lead to destruction.

What I would like my readers to contemplate is deeper thinking, and thus embrace a broader view of the situation.

Imagine you are the woman who has been cheated on. Imagine it is your husband who exhibited complete disregard and or integrity for your feelings. Now ask your Self, from an observers vantage point, detached from anger, how many times you disregarded or showed a lack of integrity for your own feelings or worth in relation to your spouse. How often did you disown that gut feeling that made you feel he was lying to you? How often did you deny your right to your own feelings, and instead pretended like what you needed didn't matter? How often did your instincts tell you something was wrong and instead of confronting them, you ignored them?

If you tolerate a disowning of your own Self within the flesh that you are, and if you invite those into your life that show no respect for you, or your feelings, you cannot expect your daily life to reveal or manifest anything less.

Okay, so you wanna know why men cheat. Here it goes.

Some men cheat because they believe it is impossible for a man not to cheat. Some men cheat because they get bored with their wives and the routine of marriage. Some men cheat because they are insecure and need constant ego gratification from outside themselves. Some men cheat because they aren't happy unless they are feeling like they are getting away with something they shouldn't. Some men cheat because they fear aging and think a newer piece of ass means they aren't getting older. Some men cheat because there is a slut in the room. Some men cheat because its a bachelor party and the hookers are already paid for, and hey what guy is going to rat out another guy after he's already been with one of the hookers. Some guys cheat because the distraction of the affair makes their day go by faster. But all men who cheat, don't believe they cannot NOT cheat...what a man thinks he is...he is...

Ladies, you lovely, nurturing, splendid peace seeking creatures that you are, here is my best advice to you...

Love your Self as if you were the only person left on this planet. Listen to music that gives you thrill bumps. Buy your own bouquets of flowers. Pick careers that fulfill you. Choose relationships that lift you rather than drain you. Learn to dance in the rain. Refuse to allow anger, blame, or regret to spend one more second in your body longer than necessary. Release any negative emotion as if they were helium filled balloons being whisked away by the sky. Spend time alone, without the television, radio, cell phone or Ipod, and like it. Meditate on things that make you smile, and wave at every tiny baby you see, because all that baby sees is the perfect smiling creature that you are. Revel in the knowing that you are a woman, a creator, and a maker of life. Know your own mind, and respect the guidance that comes from within. If you feel like enough is enough, then it is. Learn to walk away when necessary, and when its necessary to stay. Turn your eyes inward, and stop seeking validation from others. Know that a partnership is a gift, but if your partner doesn't see the gift that you are, you are better off single giving gifts to your Self.

When you have finally learned to love the magnificent being that you are, you will then attract to you a mate who also loves the magnificent being he is. He will see in you a reflection of his perfect Self. Perfect love of Self casts out all fear. When you learn to love your Self fearlessly, then and only then can you expect for a perfect love to manifest in your reality.

Ladies what you think you are, you are...

Peace,joy and love to you all...

Lisa