All beings come into this physical time space reality seeking the pleasurable experience of expansion through the joy of freedom.
Beings were intended to come into this physical realm with the freedom to choose their own thoughts, wants and ultimately to manifest their truest desires.
But sadly, more often than not, beings are born into situations that are less than ideal. When beings are born to dysfunctional parents, and are programmed to worry more about what others think about them, then what they think about themselves, beings are pulled out of alignment with their true purpose.
Freedom is the fundamental requirement for happiness. If a being does not feel free, he/she will be unable to reveal to themselves the content of their truest desires. The being who feels oppressed in some way, will instead need to push against those he/she perceives as his/her oppressor.
If we as parents truly want our children to be happy, we must understand that at our children's very core is the need to feel free.
All beings ultimately come to this time and space to experience joy. Beings who feel free to truly be who they are, avoid painful experiences. If parents used these concepts consciously while rearing their children they could avoid future problematic issues.
Children who rebel, rebel because they sense their freedom is being threatened. Because the need to feel free is so innate, children sometimes involve themselves with risk taking behavior simply as a means to prove to their oppressors that they are ultimately in charge of their own lives.
It is wiser for us as parents to use language that invokes the idea of collectiveness. Asking a child when he/she is going to take the garbage out, rather than telling the child to take the garbage out, suggests that the child is involved with the decision making of the chore, rather than be ordered to do the chore.
As a much older observer of my own less than perfect parenting styles of way back when, I clearly see how my once well intended authoritative stance with my first child gave him plenty of reasons to feel as if his fundamental right to feel free was being threatened. If I could go back in time, I would care less about what the neighbors thought about my little boys mismatched outfits, and long hair. I would have asked for his cooperation, rather than forced him to do things he didn't want to do.
Looking back, I see now that at my sons core was always a desire to make his mama happy. Had I learned not to care myself so much about what others thought, I would have felt more free as well. At my core, as at my sons core, was and always will be a need to feel free. And the more I learn to accept myself for who I am, as well as to accept my son for the miraculous being he is, the happy we both become.