When I Saw You Look At Me (A Poem For Self Abusers)

When I was small,
You were my world,
And I was just a small part of it.
You were it--it all.

When I saw you look at me,
I hoped you liked what you saw,
But most of the time,
I felt bad, wrong and ugly.

When you called my name,
I prayed it was because you wanted to give me a hug,
It used to break my heart,
When you told me I should be ashamed.

I never lost hoping that one day,
You'd see the little girl,
Beyond what only your eyes could see,
Who couldn't help but love you anyway.

When I saw you look at me,
I hoped you liked what you saw,
But most of the time,
I felt bad, wrong and ugly.

You never knew that inside,
I felt like I was dying,
Because I never felt ''enough'.
Truckloads of silent tears I cried.

In your eyes I would search for love,
That could heal my child's heart,
And make me feel a part,
Of the family I was born of.

But in your eyes,
All I could see,
Was what you could not get past,
No matter how hard the little girl in me tried.

When I saw you look at me,
I hoped you liked what you saw,
But most of the time,
I felt bad, wrong and ugly.

I got older,
And I hated my body,
I hated my hair, my eyes, and my teeth too.
It was then I began giving you the cold shoulder.

Because you couldn't love me,
The way I needed to be loved,
I thought I was no good, not enough--ugly.
And so I loved others and hoped it would set me free.

But I was wrong,
No one could love me,
Not them, nor you...
Which is why I wrote you this song.

When I saw you look at me,
I hoped you liked what you saw,
But most of the time,
I felt bad, wrong and ugly.

Boys abused my shame,
Told me I was pretty,
And that I was good,
But it only numbed the pain.

My heart only knew,
It didn't feel loved,
And so I believed the boys when they said,
"I love you..."

I learned my lessons, although I am battered and bruised,
Love isn't supposed to hurt,
Or make you feel,
Scared, weak, lost, abandoned or confused.

When I saw you look at me,
I hoped you liked what you saw,
But most of the time,
I felt bad, wrong and ugly.


Mom and dad--I am much older today,
And I forgive what has been done,
Because now I understand,
It was my job to come here and learn to love my Self anyway.

Mom and dad--no worries--I have forgiven it all,
You could never teach me,
A lesson you never learned,
When you were both small.

It's okay mom and dad--I can let it go,
You could never give me something,
You never had your self,
Self love is priceless--and this I know.

I have learned a thing or two, 

On the road back to me, 

I know that I am good inside, 

No matter what I've been through.

Go ahead and look at me,
It's okay--I get it now,
Because you see mom and dad,
I know I am not bad, wrong or ugly.

I have found The Road Back To Me.

Balance Your Emotions and Balance Your Life

In order to achieve balance, opposing forces must be equalized.

If your life is out of balance, it is because your thoughts are not equalized.

Because this world we live in is three dimensional, we have been taught to perceive our experiences in terms of duality--either being right or wrong.  Because we have not been encouraged to think outside the rigid boxes of societal norms, we do not allow ourselves to even question what we have been programmed (brain washed) to believe.

If there is resistance within you--it is because you have not yet embraced your ability to access your divine free will.

You have a choice my friend.  Suffering is optional.

When you are sick and tired of being out of harmony within, at any point in time you can activate your free will, and choose to let go of whatever is causing your suffering.

A universal truth is--you cannot change others, nor do others have to change in order to ensure you have a more pleasurable life experience.

No one is coming to your rescue, nor should anyone rescue you.

You alone are responsible for your life experience, and your ability to allow others to be who they are will very much determine your level of happiness, and thus inner balance.

To achieve emotional balance--it is essential to let go of the opposing forces within.

If you love someone--then love them with all of your heart.  Be congruent in your thoughts as well as with your actions.

If you love life--then love life as it is--even if it isn't what you want in any given moment--its still life.

If you love nature--then love nature even when its storming, raining, and snowing--its still nature.

If you love money--then love the money your job allows you to create--even if you don't necessarily love your job.  Be grateful anyway.

By intentionally following through with your thoughts, and coming to a point in your thinking where your current resistance eventually drops, you equalize opposing emotional thoughts and emotions and energy streams within and ultimately master the divine ability to create your own harmonious reality.

Namaste...

Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga--Healing Our Kids Together

Back in the 70's when I was growing up it was the norm to feel alone in a world that for whatever reason, could not or would not 'see' you.  As mommy catered to daddy, and daddy complained, children like me slipped away into deep abyss's within--in an attempt to escape the engulfing pain that occurred as a result of feeling invisible and thus unreal--and thus unworthy by the parents children like me adored.

Back in the 70's we ugly ducklings had only six television channels to choose from, all of which did little more than reinforce an insecure child's ideas of unworthiness.  Marica Brady was blonde, had straight white teeth, was popular, and her parents worshipped her.  Ugh! There was no Dr. Phil, Oprah, or Ellen we could write to, to tell our stories to.  There was no Glee television show that encouraged uniqueness and diversity.  Back in the day you were labeled either good or bad, right or wrong.  If you conformed you were good.  If you acted up, you were bad and forever stained.

Today this 47 yr old bestselling author, self help junkie, and lover of all that is pure, unique and holy, is thrilled, over the moon, and tickled pink that my children, your children, and children of this world everywhere have role models like Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga to look up to.  I can feel the momentum of mass consciousness shifting as the ignorant of old pass on, and the enlightened and aware are born.

I feel much empathy however, for Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga, as their roads have not been as smooth as they should have been.  To struggle with ones sense of self--and to feel as if ones mind is disjoined from its source which is being separated by the war that is happening within that has begun on the outside, and is reflected by what one sees in a mirror--is hell.

I am forever grateful for their candid humanness and will forever support either through my writing, or through spirit my gratitude and appreciation for such enlightened and aware ambassadors of the love of Self.

For all you do, will do, are, were and always will be Demi and Lady Gaga--I thank you...

Namaste...

Sex--A Symptom of Identity--Not Our True Identity

Self has no gender.

Self is the observer of gender.

Self is the observer of all.

Self is consciousness.  In its purest form divine consciousness is aware that its gender is but a role its physical apparatus called the human body engages in as we exist in this time and space.  Self is the consciousness that is aware that all beings--at their core are pure positive energy.

Sex then is a symptom of our gender.  Sex--like physical hunger or thirst is nothing more than a consequence of our gender. This planet is abundant with food that is perfect for the body.  Raw diets were the way we were intended to eat. Food is meant to fortify our cells and in return our bodies cells flow freely with just the right balances of hormones, enzymes, minerals, vitamins, lipids, and amino acids,  But when we willingly ingest foods that we consciously know are not good for our bodies, we pull our bodies out of alignment with the natural streams of wellness.

Sex, like food was intended to bring human beings a sense of overall satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. Sex, like food was intended to be good for the body as well as for the mind.  But when we participate in sexual relationships with those we consciously know are not good for our minds or our hearts, we too pull our bodies out of alignment with natural streams of wellness.

Self is aware of these universal truths. And although every being created has a Self, only rare human beings are able to transcend the roles their gender, family, friends, governments, children, and lovers place upon them.

Even before conscious contact with Self is made through meditation, it is possible however for all beings, regardless of their personal spiritual practices or beliefs to at the very least begin listening to their spirits internal hunches, as those gut feelings are spirits way of trying to get the minds attention.

Our attachments to our gender, others and to the value we place on material possessions is what causes all of our internal chaos.

To transcend mental chatter, it is imperative to quiet the mind through meditation.  Through practiced meditation conscious contact is made with Self.  In that mental state of connection to Self--Self is aware that it is neither male or female, rich or poor, black or white--etc.

Through practiced meditation mind drops as do all of our conditioned false precepts about our selves.

At our core we are all perfect, divine, holy, and connected to the same source.

Namaste.

Skype sessions available.  Contact Lisa at lisaaromano@aol.com

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How To Heal Fear of Death

Fear of death is common.  Many of us have associated death with pain.  We grieve for the loss of our loved ones.  We focus on the fact that they are no longer with us in physical form and our hearts fill with regret and sadness.  Sometimes our negative view of death creates so much negative energy within our bodies, that our bodies begin experiencing symptoms of anxiety like rapid heartbeats, tunnel vision and brain fog.

In truly unfortunate cases, sometimes beings shut themselves off from loving others because somewhere in their distorted perceptions they are aware that death must come to all things, and because they fear getting hurt again by the death experience, they kill love within them while they are alive in the hopes of never feeling the pain of loss again creating a state of emotional bondage within.

But I wonder if death is truly the problem we human beings have, or are our perceptions of death the true key to our fears?

Death is as natural as birth.  All living things including trees, insects and birds will eventually--as we call it--die.

But is not birth itself a form of death? Is not the mitosis cells undergo to create a full formed human being a form of death?  Is not one cell coming together with another cell--only to create more cells--in essence the result of death to the original cells that were the catalyst for the cellular division to begin with?  Is not the birth experience; the leaving of the womb a sort of death experience?

We physical beings are chronically dying and being reborn.  As one cell degenerates and dies, another is quickly recreated in its place.  And even our life experiences are forms of death.  You are not the infant you once were, nor the child, nor the adolescent.  Life itself is a never ending stream of dying and birthing.

On a quantum level death is in fact improbable.  Matter is not solid.  Our physical beings, although we believe them to be solid, are not.  Not even the chair you sit upon now is solid.  All matter as we know it at its core is an atom.  An atom is 99.9999999999999% space that is comprised of energy.  You at your core are almost nothing but energy.  And since energy cannot be destroyed--death is not possible on a quantum level.

Like energies attract like energies.  It is law and evident by nature.  An oak tree was not intended to be a daisy.  A cloud is not a star.

When our physical bodies can no longer keep up with the demands of this time space reality, that which defines us as physical will cease to be able to function.  However, at that precise point in time, the life source which is our essence will be released from the body and will ultimately join like energies.

I am humbled by the knowing that I am an energy being first.  Because if this is true, I have a lot to look forward to even long after I have left this physical time space reality.  And so do you.

Namaste.

How To Heal Emotional Abuse--Step One

There are many steps one must take in order to heal the emotional wounds of our pasts.  While healing is a process, it is helpful to first come into some key understandings.

Most of our wounds occurred when we were defenseless children--powerless--and under the control of others.  Because we were dependent upon those who may have been violating the innocence within us--we did not feel safe.  As a result our minds developed coping skills to help us survive the everyday abuses we may have experienced.

Perhaps we floated away--and disassociated ourselves from our immediate pain.  We may have counted, cut, binged, purged, obsessed, ticked or sought love in places we could never have found it.  It doesn't matter what survival skill we developed.  What is most important is that we do not re-victimize ourselves by now judging the very miraculous survival skills that allowed us to endure the suffering we experienced as children.

A main ingredient to healing emotional abuse--is learning to inhibit the the loops of negativity that we today allow to run rampant in our minds.  It is not necessary and it is quite counterproductive to judge ourselves for the survival skills we developed as the result of feeling powerless as children.

If today you are bulimic, and that behavior is linked to your need to escape the pain from within--and that need to escape is linked to the suffocating emotions you felt as a child who may have been powerless to express those feelings as a child, it is irrational and unnecessary to judge the very behavior your mind developed to help you survive the inner turmoil you felt as a defenseless child today.

Judging ourselves only hinders our ability to heal the foundational wounds we experienced long ago.

As adults, we get to defend our inner child.  But in order for our inner child to truly feel safe--we must stop beating up our inner child first.

All love starts with self love.

How To Stop Our Need To Be Needed

So many of us settle for being needed because we were never taught that we were enough when we were children.  Because our childhood programming, which is the foundation of how we perceive our worlds, others and ourselves is faulty, far too many of us have not learned how to exist without putting ourselves into position number two.  We do not know that we are enough, and that we do not have to cater to others emotions, insecurities, egoism, selfishness, manipulation, victimhood or self absorption in order to feel that we are worthy beings.

Our society as well as our religions send us mixed messages.  On one hand it is right and good to think of others, but on the other hand we are expected to be self sufficient and non-needy.  It becomes a tangled psychological and thus emotional mess to decipher how to be in this world.  Do we run ourselves into the ground for others, by taking responsibility for others responsibilities, or do we honor ourselves--put a psychological sign up and shout "Enough" in our heads?

Speaking from experiences, I was one who was chastised as a child anytime I ever spoke up for myself, or whenever I asked for 'some-thing'.  It was not acceptable to want, to need or to desire.  The message I received was, "You are not good enough to want.  Only other people are allowed to want--not you."   In my mind the world was full of others--and I was an alien--a thing--that for whatever reason was simply non-deserving.

This feeling of unworthiness made me feel less than.  And that feeling of less-than fueled my illusions about the world and even my Self.  Because of my oozing sense of not-enough-ness, life became a playground littered with insecurities.  I was not enough unless I was exhausted by how well I was taking care of others.  Feeling needed helped mask the fear that whispered to me consistently, that I was not enough.

Today I understand how dysfunctional the need to be needed is.  I no longer feel less than, and have since learned to allow others to take ownership over their own lives and that includes their misery.

I steer away from angry, stuck others, and find that happy people, like ornery people tend to flock together.  Through mastering the Self, I have learned to love the spirit, infinite being I am, not only for my sake, but for the sake of all those who have to put up with me on an ongoing basis.

Letting go of needing to be needed, involves learning to let go of our old dysfunctional childhood programming.  The reality is, we are all worthy of love, and do not need to be needed.  What we need is to love our true Selves, in spite of our pasts, no matter how tattered our journeys thus far have been.

Be Happy Now--Releasing Our Attachments to Illusions and Materialism

All problems are the result of a beings interpretations of a particular situation.  Deeper, all problems are the result of our attachments to a particular outcome we have egotistically presumed is the proper and only correct outcome.  Deeper, all pain in this world is the result of a being who falsely presumes their happiness is dependent upon something or someone outside of itself they cannot realistically control.

Happiness then can only come by way of letting go of our ideas of attachment.  When one intellectually or emotionally attaches to an outcome, they have unknowingly pinched themselves off from freedom.  By placing our happiness on outcomes, people, situations and experiences outside of ourselves, we cut ourselves off from the joy we think we were after in the first place.


You are reading this, but you may not be in control of the thoughts that are popping into your head as you read it.  You may not even be aware that you have control over the thoughts that are showing up in your conscious mind as you read it.

The mind is very much like a car.  When we look at cars, although we may enjoy looking at and appreciating the exterior of the car, we all know that what is really running the car is what we cannot see; the engine.

Your mind is not what you hear the 5% of you saying to itself.  Your thoughts are the result of the 95% of you that is not within your conscious mind; your engine.

Until a mind comes to the awareness of its Self--it is a mind that is sadly running by default, based on the unconscious conditioning and programming of its childhood experiences and interpretations.

In many cases, until a mind has suffered enough humility--it is unable to release the ego, which inhibits the minds ability to become aware of its inner self.  The Self is you minus your ego--your fears--your inhibitions--past wounds and problematic attachments.

It is a wonderful and miraculous thing to drop the mind and thus the ego by choice, rather than through pain.  When as we age we discover ourselves humbled by our changing bodies, or when those we love die, or when our financial states decline, in many cases, we are forced to question our attachments to things and to people.

If as we age we are able to let go and move beyond the illusions of materialism and concretism, we are wiser and thus happier for it.  But if we are unable to accept the impermanence of life, as we age we run the risk of getting stuck, and rather than embrace the freedom that comes with wisdom, many times we fill with anxiety and regret instead.

To master the mind, requires great strength, for it is a much more difficult thing to release illusions than it is to cling to them, for many of us do not know what lies beyond the door that leads to Self.

Namaste; you are loved.

Walking On Eggshells--Healing the Codependent Child Within

For so many of us who grew up in homes that made us feel like our everyday life was one that was walked upon eggshells, it is sadly ordinary for us to approach our adult lives from the faulty precept that it is normal for us to feel like at any moment the rug is going to be pulled out from beneath us.  We then tiptoe our way around our bosses, friends, lovers, neighbors, and family dysfunctionally unaware that the very filters we adopted as children as a means to survive, is minimizing the life we were intended to live.

Codependent thinking is a survival skill children learn to help them cope with the chronic stress they lived with under the care of those who either used chemicals such as alcohol, marijuana or other drugs--or who were under the care of the ego based narcissistic self absorbed, intolerant, critical, over religious, non-sensical, ignorant, aggressive or emotionally absent parent.

Learning to tune oneself into others is the way stressed children survive.

By becoming hyper-vigilant children who fear being judged, abused, or painfully ignored--learn to set their sights on those around them so that they can simply ward off a possible attack.

But when as adults, these codependent brilliant little children do not learn how to let those coping skills go--they sadly live their lives on the edge of their seat, and fail to tune into the magnificent creature they are within.

Life then is lived as a passenger rather than the owner of ones own reality manifesting a life by a fulfilled spirits design.

The goal then as codependents who have now moved beyond our families of origin--is to soften those old survival reflexes--and to adopt new patterns of thought so that we can ultimately take control back over our lives.

As a recovering codependent myself--I can safely and assuredly say--that life is worth living--and that nothing is more rewarding than mastering the mind by way of healing the codependent child within...

When I finally let go and felt the unhealthy bonds to those I love fall away, it was then I could finally focus on myself.

If you are not focusing on your self and you are spending your time trying to get others to give you permission to feel what you feel or dream what you dream or do what you want to do, you are pinching yourself off from the DIVINE and MIRACULOUS POWER within

You are loved...

Namaste...

Attachments

If when we were upset, we would just take the time to think about WHY we were upset, we would ultimately come to the conclusion that an attachment to some 'thing' or 'outcome' was to blame.

In life we rarely stop to think our emotions through.  Instead we cling to our emotions ignorant to divine truth.  We are not our feelings.

We--we--intelligent thinking creatures rarely--think...Instead we cling, obsess, and get stuck in emotions as if our minds had no ability to choose the thoughts it thinks.

We are human beings and thus we were all born with the ability to focus--but rarely under times of stress do we call on our divine ability to think our way out of the discomfort, some negative emotions can be.

Instead of catering to our children's emotions, and training them to believe that unhappiness is an unacceptable state--we should allow our children to learn to accept their moments of unhappiness just as we would a happy emotion.

Because we have been conditioned to judge our emotions as either good or bad--we have given unnecessary power to negative emotions--and have trained ourselves into fearing these things we call feelings.

Feelings are just feelings--and they are indicators of where we stand emotionally at any point in time.

What one person sees as junk, another sees as treasure. Whose perception is real?


Cling to nothing--not a thought--not a word--not a thing--not a home--nor to another.

Without attachments, fear must fade like a block of ice on a hot stove.