Healing The Adult Child Within You

When you are raised by adult children of alcoholics, you are thrust into a world of scattered thoughts, mixed up feelings, and often find yourself feeling not real.  Your parents are disconnected within themselves, and don't even know that they are.  This means you, as the child are left to face the world in many aspects--alone, without any true sense of what is real, and what is not real.

Because alcoholism is like a thief that steals the soul away from its victims, the addict is unaware they are soul-less and not connecting to the ones who love them.  Those of us who live either with addicts or who are being raised by adult children of alcoholics, feel lost-disconnected-isolated-and alone.  Because we are denied healthy parents who are connected to themselves and who appreciate their own selves, our parents lack the skills required to teach us, their children how to connect to our own selves.  We then wander out into the world empty, and lacking the ability to own or even know what we think or value what we think.

Because alcoholism is a disease that is about denial, our parents deny, even to themselves there is anything wrong.  We the children feel as if EVERYTHING is wrong, but our parents--the people who should be raising and teaching us, deny us the right to even feel like everything is wrong, because they are alcoholics, or adult children who have never sought recovery.

What then is a child to do who is being raised by adult children of alcoholics who deny anything is wrong?  What then is a child supposed to do with her/his feelings of confusion, loneliness, and isolation who feels crazy or guilty for feeling what he/she feels?  What happens to children who live with parents who are so self absorbed, who are so close minded, and who are so deeply ingrained in denial, when these children feel the anxiety they do?

The Road Back To Me is a story about a little girl who was raised by two adult children of alcoholics, who were unaware and sadly unconcerned with how their own parents disease of alcoholism had effected them.

The little girl in me once was denied her right to feel, to express and to be...

The Road Back To Me was written to honor the little girl in me who never felt like she had the right to feel, to express or to be...

While writing this story, and finally finding the courage to publish it has been cathartic for me as the writer, I dedicate The Road Back To Me to all those children, regardless of their age today, who once had no voice, because alcoholism wouldn't let them speak.

Namaste...

Workshops Forming Now

I would like to know how many of my readers would be interested in attending a workshop on the issues discussed in my book The Road Back To Me.

I am considering a workshop that would be approximately two hours long, and would include a Q&A.

Essentially my idea would be focused on helping the attendees get clear about issues they may be having as it is related to healing through self awareness, and loving the self.

I would appreciate reader feedback, if possible...

Namaste....

Healing Self Esteem: Why Am I So Depressed and Always Thinking Negative...

Healing Self Esteem: Why Am I So Depressed and Always Thinking Negative...: Dear Friend, There are many very valid reasons for why you are thinking negative thoughts. You are not crazy, nor insane or bad for havin...

Why Am I So Depressed and Always Thinking Negative Thoughts

Dear Friend,

There are many very valid reasons for why you are thinking negative thoughts. You are not crazy, nor insane or bad for having a mind that has been conditioned (taught) to go one way--the wrong way.

You are not ill because your brain is more like a driver of a race car called 'Crazy Thoughts', and your awareness seems more like a spectator in the stands horrified by the speed at which the thoughts your brain holds travels.

Somewhere in that space between the car and you, as the spectator exists, is where your healing is waiting.

In that space is where all the work you will ever have to do to ever be happy--must begin.

You have not been taught to feel empowered.

Your brain has not been taught to be happy with its aloneness.

Your brain has been conditioned to think acceptance is outside of you.

Society, the media, our teachers, our parents, and our friends and family have all played a part in the creation of our belief and ultimate thought processes.

In that space deep within you, where no one has ever taught you to go--is your personal power...

And in the acting upon that consciousness, you can and will change the course of your life...

You must become more familiar with that space within you. You must embrace the darkness, get comfortable with that space, and learn to sit quietly so that you can learn to still yourself and instead of ATTACHING your consciousness to those speeding thoughts, learn to just let them fly by.

Peace is internal...and peace, although you may not believe so...is in fact within you...

But you my friend have not been taught to believe in YOU...You have been taught to believe in others, in medicine, sex, relationships, alcohol, image, things, religion, or rhetoric...

But the truth is...the kingdom of heaven is there within you, and it is just but one thought away...

Heaven is here on this earth. Heaven exists within you...and if you practice learning to get more comfortable in that space between the thoughts your brain thinks, and your awareness of those thoughts, you will learn the secret to happiness.

You are not your thoughts...

You are the still, powerful, divine observer of those thoughts.

Learning to be still is the first part of the journey. The next phase of your spiritual and emotional journey would then require you to begin consciously focusing your brain on and towards only those things that make you FEEL more positive.

First, you get still, and then with razor-like focus, practice day by day and thought by thought, the divine ability to use our free will as we desire.

You have the free will to choose the thoughts you want to think.

If you know the truth and then do not act on the truth that does not mean the truth is still not the truth.

There is one universal truth and that is--YOU ARE ENOUGH--no matter what you have ever thought before.

Namaste...

The Road Back To Me

Available Now

The Road Back To Me is my story. It is one that is drizzled with painful memories of isolation, withdrawal, confusion and even dreams about suicide. Born an incredibly intuitive and sensitive child, I was often bewildered by the insensitivity of others, and hungry for the feeling of love. As I grew, my mind decided all that I felt was my fault. The lack of love I felt was the result of my being wrong--ill--and defective in some intrinsic way.

Taught to enable, I chased after loved, shut down, toned myself down and learned to suppress my natural instincts to embrace, to share, and to express the love I had for those in my life. I knew that whatever I had to offer would either not be accepted, or perhaps ignored, or worse treated as if whatever I offered was disingenuous.

As I built a life upon these faulty concepts of my self, the choices I made became like mirrors of the disconnect within me. No one knew I was sad. No one knew I was starved for validation. And quite frankly--no one cared.

When the ability to pretend nearly gobbled me up with various types of inflammatory diseases, it was as if the decision to leave my marriage was made for me. Stay and die, or leave and live. The desire to break the cycle of codependency for the sake of my children was so strong, I divorced my then husband, believing with all of me that one day things would get better.

The Road Back To Me details the struggles I experienced big and small as a result of growing up in a family that was effected by the disease of alcoholism. My story is one that I believe has the ability to touch anyone and everyone who reads it. If you are breathing, there is something about my story that will be of a benefit to you.

It is twelve years later, and I am more aware and more humble than I ever dreamed possible. My children are well grounded, and authentic mature love has finally manifested in my life.

I no longer worry more about what others think about me,than what I think about me, nor do I obsess over what others think--I--think. Today I simply--am.

If I could wrap my arms around this whole world and hug each and everyone of us--I would...but because I cannot...I write instead. And every day as often as I can, I send love out into this place and imagine that that love finds you in some way. It may be in the appreciation of a child's smile, a flittering butterfly, or in the sweet smell of an afternoon rain--it makes no difference to me how the vibration of love finds its way to you...it only matters that it does.

May you be blessed by my book, The Road Back To Me.

Namaste

A Message To Indigo Children

It is a surreal experience to know that the very thing about you the world needs, is the very thing that those who love you looked to destroy.

When you come into this world an empath and are mocked, ignored, and chastised for being a feeling being, at times it seems as if life is unfair, and not worth living.

But if you hold on long enough, until you are able to find the courage to let go, the universe opens doors you never knew existed.

When you are an Indigo child, sometimes the most difficult thing to do, is to let go of those who say they love you, so that you can learn to share with the world the gifts you came here to share.

Feel, feel, and feel some more...It is your nature...embrace it, but most of all learn to feel good, and to shy away from those and those things that drain you rather than uplift you.

Don't worry...there is an entire universe of brothers and sisters waiting...

The Teachings of Esther Hicks

I am never not inspired by the understanding of Esther Hicks. As a devoted student of her teachings I am humbled by her interpretations of Abraham time and time again.

For anyone unafraid to think outside the box, who is aware enough not to have a knee jerk reaction to her teachings, her insight offers many a splendid things. For within her words are found the keys to joy, abundance, health and good old peace of mind.

Today, while enjoying one of her lectures on youtube, I honed in on a phrase she used that quite literally seared my mind. The phrase 'articulate awareness' perked my vibrational ears up and had me feeling quite stirred.

If all beings would 'articulate their awareness' what a wonderful place this could be. The main problem is however, that most beings aren't aware they have the power to be aware. Most beings are so bogged down by faulty programming that has them blaming others and the world for their misery, that the very concept of self awareness is one that sadly never even grazes the outskirts of their mind.

To truly manifest the life we all desire is to come into alignment with those desires.

It is irrational to set out in search of love, when a being does not yet love their own self, and believe that true healthy love will be found.

It is irrational and impossible to become rich and to stay rich if one does not 'feel' rich on an intrinsic and thus vibrational level.

We do not attract what we think we want. What we think is only a fraction of what we are. What we are is what our subconscious mind tells us we are, and without 'awareness' we beings don't have a clue to why we are getting what we are getting.

So, to my mentor Esther Hicks credit, I once again point to her key point which addresses the concept of articulating awareness.

Without awareness a being cannot make choices, because without awareness a being has no concept of the idea of choice.

An enlightened being with the ability and desire to articulate his/her own awareness, lands directly in front of the steering wheel of his/her own life. When a being begins to comprehend that the key to mastering life is found on the playing field of his/her own mind, far removed from the need to be validated by others, the ego expires, and manifestations flow.

The ego is what keeps the ability to articulate awareness stunted, because the ego is the result of societal as well as childhood programming. And as more and more teachers like Esther Hicks come forth and others share the information she so generously provides, the more beings will be blessed enough to be able to articulate their awareness, so that they may begin to manifest more deliberately the life they desire.

Esther, thank you for your teachings, your tenacity, your vigor, your willingness and the articulation of the vibrational interpretations of Abraham. I get it, and dedicate my life to passing those teachings along so that others may become more self aware.

Namaste

Bulimia, Anorexia, Food Addiction--Healing From Within

As a Personal Life Coach, I have come across an array of issues in my clients that have needed to be transformed. Because I have been one who has been brought to my knees on more than one occasion by disordered eating, I closely relate to those who are attracted into my coaching hands who are dealing with such thought processes.

This post is for all those who are drawn to this page because either they themselves, or someone they love is dealing with a thought process that has them feeling trapped in the vicious loop that anorexia, bulimia, exercise addiction, laxative and diuretic abuse can cause.

Anorexia, bulimia, exercise addiction, binge eating and alike are all symptoms of anxiety that has been caused by an emotional wound.

It is crucial that this concept is understood.

Eating disorders represent a wound. They are like the white puss that shows up around an infected gash, or bacteria in the body. The eating disorder however is NOT the wound, much like pain and puss are the result of an infection, but they are not the infection.

If you are to heal, it is essential that you allow your mind to begin separating your SELF from your disordered eating thought processes. You are NOT your dysfunctional thinking pattern. Your thinking pattern is symptomatic of a wound you have internalized, and your behavior is simply a physical manifestation in your time space reality of your thought processes...

Just as you would not blame the bullet that pierced your arm, or the infection or the pain that showed up in your body as a result of being shot, you must learn to become objective of your experience, rather than become the experience. Just as if you were shot, you would not become the bullet, the puss or the pain, you must learn to separate your self from your behaviors and begin to understand that your behaviors are a symptom of something you internalized.

What you experience internally, will always, without question show up in your physical reality.

When a pure innocent, still untouched by others judgements infant enters this world it cries when its hungry, uncomfortable, angry or sad, and when it is happy, joyful, and content it smiles. This is normal. This is healthy.

What bulimics, anorexics, and even cutters must remember is, 'is that infant is us'. That infant we once were is who we are at our core. Once, we all responded to our internal guidance system appropriately, and had no concept of harming ourselves.

As we aged, we became aware that others judge us, even if their intent was for our better good, we--we hypersensitive beings we--internalized that sense of judgement and in turn learned to believe that the world was unsafe. For whatever the reason; and it does no good to judge others--but for whatever the reason, we felt judged, we felt bad, and we hid from the world the pain their criticism, harsh judgements, their inconsideration, their perceptions of us, their sarcasm, their withdrawal, their whatever--caused a dis-ease within our minds, which lead to a disconnect from our own souls, the one our infant selves came into this world divinely connected to.

Today, as a result of feeling unsafe and out of control, now if you are depressed, you binge, purge, starve, exercise compulsively, or cut. Deeper, now as a result of the loop your brain has created to alleviate some of that anxiety through ineffective coping mechanisms, you find yourself feeling more like a passenger in the car called your life than the driver. Today, as a result of the momentum caused by your wound and all its subsequent anxiety compounded by your ineffective coping behaviors, you feel out of control, lost, ashamed, guilt ridden and worthless.

You are NOT crazy, or bad, or ill because your mind is trying NOT to feel the wounds you force your self to eat, deny or beat up.

You are NOT crazy, or bad, or ill because your mind has you carry out a behavior that allows you to, in some way, unhealthy or otherwise--to ease the anxiety you feel internally as a result of trying to escape your emotions.

If I have learned anything through my healing journey it is this; 'thoughts become things' and when I think my feelings don't matter, then my feelings don't matter. Equally, when I care more about what others think about me than what I think about me, I am consumed by anxiety over what others think about me. I have learned that all things that show up in my environment, good or bad, in someway are a reflection of what is going on inside of me, and many times it is also a reflection of what has been done to me.

I know now that no matter what has been done to me, I do not have to allow it to become me.

I know now that others that my love of self, does not require that others love me, validate me, embrace me, or deem me worthy of their love.

I know now that when others thought they were loving me, they were unaware of how I was internalizing their way of expressing love.

I know now that what I think about me is more important than what you, my society, my family or what my friends think about me.

I know now that sometimes the people we love the most, love us the least, and that that fact should have no bearing on how deeply I love and appreciate myself.

I know now no one is coming to the rescue. All I ever needed was to know in my heart on a soul level as well as on an intellectual level, that I am good, no matter what anyone else thinks.

My worth had nothing to do with how thin I was, how healthy I ate, how much exercise I did, or how often I smiled. I am worthy simply because I am, and so are YOU.

Idiot Savant--Autistics; Perhaps We Are The Idiots

We are all forms of life force energy.

Consciousness is a form of life force energy.

Consciousness is found in every dimension of our time space reality.

It is not exclusive to mankind.

The earth is conscious. Trees, grass, and flowers breath.

The sky is conscious. It expands, it exchanges gases, and it moves.

Animals are conscious. They are interconnected within their own dimension, entangled on a quantum level with similar beasts who share the same perceptional dimensional realities.

So called inanimate objects, are not still. They too are vibrational beings at their core.

Human beings share their own perception of reality, and exist on a quantum level with their own kind.

When the energy that creates the ability for a being to breath stops, physical life ends in the physical dense matter of the body. The life force however of that being lives on, and when it leaves the physical body it joins similar energies outside the physical body; outside that physical dimension.

If these ideas are true, then all of us have the potential to 'step into' whatever reality we desire while here on this physical plane. This is a multi dimensional universe with dimensions most human beings cannot perceive, not because they do not have the ability to do so, but because they do not 'believe' in the ability to do so. So caught up in the illusions of their life, they fail to think outside of the box they have thought themselves into, and continue on running the rat race they presume life is.

We are highly perceptible human beings with possibilities far greater than most of us can imagine. Savants are examples of human potential. If it is possible for a being who is presumed 'mentally handicapped' in some way to be brilliant, it is possible that we--the observers and labelers of so called idiot savants are actually the idiots, mentally handicapped by our short sided understandings of human potential.

Savants, autistics, and so called 'handicapped' beings perceive their realities uniquely, as we all do. We therefore, unknowingly all exist in an extraordinary multi dimensional world, whether we consciously acknowledge that to be true or not.

We all would fair better in this place, if we could all accept this as so, instead of ignorantly thinking everyone on this planet was intended to think, look, behave, and do as we do...

How To Enjoy Life

So often we beings forget why we were created in the first place.

So conditioned to assume and thus believe in the visions that have been flashed across our eyes since birth, we beings fall prey to ignorance. Because we have not been taught to question our programming, we naively, and perhaps ignorantly accept it. We rarely stop to wonder why our ego's are so big, or why we tend to get angry or sad over certain situations.

Most of us have not been taught how 'not to' react. Instead we are guided by our impulses, which have been spoon fed to us through various societal conditioning tools. Whether those tools were in the form of organized religions, brotherhoods, sisterhood, familial laws or profit motivated advertising, most of us are unaware of how little of 'us' is in us.

A being who does not know his own mind, is one who does not own his own mind. A being who fails to assess his own thoughts, is living only half a life; for to live is to live through volition and choice, and without awareness there can be no choice.

While all this existentialism sounds quite complicated, its not. Life was meant to flow downstream. At our core we are all love, and the more we remind ourselves of this fact, the easier our life becomes.

When a being loves themselves, they learn to tune into what brings them peace, and learns to avoid 'thinking', 'others', and 'situations' that attract chaos. When a being loves the people in his/her life, there is a natural tendency to shelter, nurture, and encourage rather than to deceive, manipulate, and control. When authentic love is present in a being, there can be no fear and no anxiety. When a couple shares authentic love, between them is only a desire to nurture and envelope the other with more love.

When love of self, and love of the others in your life is the cornerstone of your existence, life cannot help but flow downstream. Life is difficult because people make their lives difficult by turning away from love in some way, whether that is in not loving themselves, or in the dishonoring of those that love them.

If your desire is to enjoy your life, keep ever present in your minds eye a few facts.

Know that society is built on profit, and profit is rarely made on happy people who don't get sick, don't get divorced, and plant flowers as a form of recreation.

Know that your ego is tied to programming, and that the bigger it is, the bigger your personal headaches will be--guaranteed. Even the bible states; "The humble shall inherit the earth."

Know that before you the earth spun in direct proximity to the other planets of this solar system, and after you it will continue to spin, re-create life, and go on just fine without you and your mindset.

Know that unless you know why you think the way you do, 'you' aren't thinking at all.